THE PSYCHO QUESTION - My partner is thrifty and I spend a lot of money, what should I do?

Esther, a listener of the show Sans Rendez-vous, met a boy she describes as "tight-fisted", while she defines herself as very spendthrift.

She sought advice from sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc.

Money can quickly become a subject of friction within the couple.

Esther, a listener of Sans Rendez-vous on Europe 1, met a charming young man.

But she fears that the thrifty, even downright "stingy" inclination of her companion is incompatible with her tendency to spend a lot of money.

The sex therapist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc gave him her advice.

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Esther's question:

"I have met a lovely boy who I like very much. But I have the feeling that he is tight-fisted, even though I am very spendthrift. What advice do you have?"

Catherine Blanc's response:

"It might be rock 'n' roll, for sure. But I think this question goes beyond budget management. What's interesting is this notion of 'stinginess'. We could saying to himself that the other does what he wants with his money, except that this goes far beyond the financial notion: it is what the other is capable of giving, because people who do not give They are often also stingy in attention, availability, extravagance. These are people who are in control and who need security. He needs to be taken care of since does not dare to take charge. He lacks this levity to accept that there are things that escape, a bit like money that leaves and will return. So certainly he is also stingy in his ways of like.

Is it a personality trait to be stingy?

Does that mean it doesn't get better with age?

You have to accept him because he is like that and therefore we know how to compensate or we know how to reassure him.

And then maybe it suits us because we are tight-fisted ourselves.

Or we will have to help him soften that trait if we want to be able to live with someone.

We do not change diametrically, but we are all capable of evolution, of opening the field of our possibilities in love.

We also learn not to be afraid.

You have to understand where the "stinginess" comes from, whether it is an education for money received by parents, or a lack of love and a need for security.

All that needs to be clarified.

Is this a subject that must be addressed in the beginning of a relationship?

It is very delicate because often women do not dare to approach it.

They are given a bad trial, which is that women are venal.

However, let us get very comfortable on the subject, obviously that the women seek to take advantage of their man.

But not to profit financially, otherwise there is no point in having relationships.

We all benefit from each other, from his body, from his generosity, from the enjoyment he gives us.

So why shouldn't the money also participate in our outbursts of pleasure in the relationship?

Women have the injunction to enjoy sexually, but cannot enjoy it financially otherwise they are bitches.

So there is really a misunderstanding, a process of intention that requires everyone to be able to express themselves very quietly on the subject.

Can this stinginess have consequences on daily life?

It can actually tighten things up, like not inviting people or family anymore because it's expensive.

We must be able to live in society without being ashamed of the person with whom we live and without having the feeling that the other is always the source of our frustration. "