In the program "Sans rendez-vous" on Friday on Europe 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc answered the question of a listener recently separated from her husband, and whose children ask many questions about the reasons for this rupture .

Should she tell them about their father's infidelity?

Do children need to know all the reasons that led to their parents' separation?

In the program Sans rendez-vous, Friday on Europe 1, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responded to Amélie, who wonders if she should talk to her children about their father's infidelity.

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Amélie's question

I discovered that my husband had been cheating on me for several months with one of his colleagues.

I left him and for the moment I have custody of the children.

They are tall and ask a lot of questions about our separation.

Should I tell them about their father's infidelity?

Catherine Blanc's response

You have to be careful because in this kind of situation, you are in the great frustration of having been deceived and that this led to the separation, so she is animated with anger of injury, and the risk is to want to hear in the questions the opportunity to tell about his own frustration, and therefore to say "your daddy cheated on mom with his colleague".

It should not be forgotten that the children will meet the colleague, which is very painful, but the goal is to separate what is played between the adults and what is important for the construction of the children.

It is not a question of haloing the dad with qualities he does not have, but of getting into the subject without making them take sides by saying that dad cheated on mum, because that would indicate that the father is at fault .

But there can be wrongs on both sides, a long failed relationship.

Sexuality does not concern children and this arbitration is not good because it obliges children to have a duty of fidelity towards their mother, but they will have to be unfaithful to their mother one day, to go and love elsewhere. .

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Should we lie?

You have to be able to say that the relationship of mom and dad was great, but ended up and dad fell in love with another woman, not to mention sexuality.

Here, she may be afraid that he will serve himself the best part of the cake being the hero of the story, so we have to be able to say that daddy loves another woman, that mum is sad about this situation but that it is okay. get better.

Children must be relieved of the duty to help their mother and to compensate for the loss of paternal love by being in love with mother.

And we must not burden the children with a duty of arbitration and hatred towards this other woman who will perhaps stay and participate in their daily life.

Does it depend on the age of the children?

When they grow up, they look back, they themselves have romantic experiences and have experienced relationship endings, whether they have suffered or provoked them.

So they are able to understand that there can be an end to love.

You have to be able to say it as simply as that, without going into details.

But when they are little, we possibly talk about a dad who loves another woman, but we do not go into the details of sexuality.