In the program "Without appointment" Friday on Europe 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc answered the question of a listener whose daughter is about to have her first sexual relation.

This listener would like to be able to reassure her, but does not know how to approach this intimate subject with her.

The "first time" can be a taboo subject between children and their parents.

In the program Sans rendez-vous, Friday on Europe 1, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc responded to Nadia, who would like to be able to reassure her daughter who has expressed, on social networks, fears about her first sexual relationship.

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Nadia's question

My 17 year old daughter is getting ready to have sex with her boyfriend, I read on her Twitter account that she was very afraid of being in pain, of being bad.

How can I reassure her without her realizing that I have searched through her things?

Catherine Blanc's response

You just have to invite him to express himself by saying "my darling, I don't know where you are with your boyfriend, I don't know if you have ever had sex, but maybe you have questions and worries, and if that were the case, you could ask them to me and if I cannot answer you we will be able to find someone who can ”.

There is no point in leaving your child in difficulty, calling a somewhat vague "help" on the web.

>> Find all of Sans rendez-vous in replay and podcast here

What if she answers negation?

With children, you have to go there several times.

Sometimes they say "no" to something they want because the subject is complicated.

You want to give them something to force their modesty because it reveals their desire, but they're going to say they don't need it.

In this case, you have to be warmer, telling them that you would be happy to discuss this subject.

Just because you were told no once that doesn't mean you can't reopen the subject.

All the more so as she writes it on the web, so in a certain way she divulges it without having, in front of her, people who can answer her in a reassuring way. 

Should we have talked about it before?

There is no rule on this, it is up to each one to feel their child, to see what evolves.

Perhaps it is necessary to take the pretext of a film or a song to show that we can talk about the subject, because the child likes the idea that we talk about something until it doesn't. does not concern him.

Exchanging in a broad and generic way opens up the possibilities of communication between a mother and her daughter.