For some, the solution is to put the computer away and do everything to stop thinking about it ... -

GettyImages

Jewelry, trinkets or big loot… When we talk about inheritance we all have an idea of ​​what awaits us.

But in this ultimately very classic fantasy of what a succession is, we often put aside an object that is nevertheless omnipresent: the computer.

Between souvenir photos and intimate photos, administrative files and files classified as top secret, it will not always be easy for the heirs to sort through.

So how do you manage this 2.0 legacy?

We asked you this question as part of our series in connection with the program "La mort, si on en parlait?"

»Organized by the Maif.

Little awareness

It is never easy to mourn and often the time of the inheritance which follows it is not easier.

“It is often at the time of the death of an elder that problems crystallize in a family and that the emotional becomes intertwined with the financial issues”, confirms Louise-Asako Brunner, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist within the Pantinoise Health Center.

Extremely heavy to carry, because "little or no awareness" for some, restorative for others when it comes "to fill certain forms of emotional deficiencies", each one lives his heritage in his own way.

But in the digital age, at the heart of our hyperconnected society, the appearance of the computer in our estates has further crystallized tensions and made the grieving process more complex.

Our dossier on digital death

Fear and curiosity

In any case, this is the opinion of Sophie *, who inherited this inconvenient black box when her father died.

“Since his death, I haven't been able to touch his computer.

It sits in my cellar, without having been plugged in since.

My father touched it so much, wrote so much in it, it blocks me, I can't manage to appropriate his work tool, ”the latter confides to us.

For Louise-Asako Brunner, nothing to worry about so far: “not wanting to open it or leave it hidden in a drawer, it's a natural step in the grieving process.

It's the same as not being able to look at the photo of a deceased loved one or not being able to enter their room.

"

For Emilien *, who lost his father to Covid-19, it is also unthinkable to touch his computer.

“To agree to sort, save, or even worse, throw it away or resell it would be to accept his death,” the young man tells us.

For our clinical psychologist, who recalls that the role of practitioner will never be to indicate what to do with this object so heavy with meaning, Emilien must on the other hand ask himself the questions posed by this embarrassment.

"What are you worried about opening it?"

What are you so afraid to find there?

"The reverse also exists, when, blocked by a password, we are determined to want to open it:" why would we like to discover what is hidden inside a computer?

“, Also questions Louise-Asako Brunner.

More intimate than it seems

Because seeing, touching or feeling, the affairs of a loved one is an integral part of the grieving process for our clinical psychologist, and the computer turns out to be an object much more intimate than it seems.

“The computer is not a legacy like any other, it is a true diary.

It's a very personal notebook for many and its digital aspect shouldn't change that in any way.

"This is surely the reason why Julie's friend made a most radical decision:" After his suicide, we understood that he had taken care to take care of his exit from digital.

He had made his computer completely unusable.

"

Making life easier for those who stay

Less clear-cut but in a rather similar approach, Bernard has decided to avoid those who remain from asking too many questions.

“I am alone, my wife is deceased.

I put everything on a USB key that the heirs need to know when I die, ”the widower tells us.

For our psychotherapist, planning his departure by communicating for example the codes of his computer or by keeping on a USB key only what is useful to share is a very courageous and altruistic approach.

"It is a way of making life easier for those who stay and at the same time making their grief easier," confirms Louise-Asako Brunner.

For you as for the others, think well to take care of your virtual farewells.

* The testimonials being collected anonymously, we have arbitrarily assigned first names to facilitate reading.

Magazine

"Tyranny", "betrayal" or "tribute" ... How do you live with the Facebook accounts of deceased relatives?

Magazine

Planning your digital death, not so far-fetched in 2020

Maif insert - 20 Minutes


Infogram

  • Computer

  • Magazine

  • Digital death mag