Satu had talked to her male colleague on Messenger about these.
Suddenly, Sadu's husband at the time accused the communication was about some deeper connection.
He had secretly read Satu Messenger messages.
At the same time, the man said he also reads Sadu's emails and phone messages.
- It was as awful as someone robbing a home.
While nothing really bad happened, they were my private affairs, Satu, 43, says.
- It was reportedly his right to know what I was talking to others.
There was no passcode on the fairy phone, and the computer remembered the passwords.
- I had never thought of a man reading my messages because I never felt like I should go do that.
The testing started with some comments
Satu was with her ex-husband for 23 years.
At least half the time the union was just fine and happy.
Three children were born at such intervals that Satu was at home on care leave for a long time.
Satu thinks that reading the messages began when she returned to work.
As long as he was home, everything was basically fine.
But in addition to reading the posts, there was more.
The man always went through the comments on Sadu’s somebody updates.
From the innocent comment left by the other man, the examination could begin: “Who is Harri?
Why is he your friend?
Why is he commenting on your update? ”
Then Sadu had to remove Harri from his Facebook friends.
The man deleted other men's contacts
The ex-man deleted the contact information of other men - friends and co-workers - from Sadu's devices.
There reportedly was nothing to discuss with them.
If a friend asked in a message if Satu would get coffee, the man could claim that this was arranging an alibi, and Satu would actually meet someone.
When Satu went somewhere with her friends, the man asked in a message where he was going, with whom and what he was doing - even though Satu had already told him things when he left home.
- The phone had to be switched on every five minutes.
If I didn’t respond to the man’s message right away, it was followed by another raging message and then a call.
The reason for the rage was that if Satu didn't answer right away, she was supposed to be spending time with another man.
“I learned to hide things”
The fairy tale experiences are an example of digital violence.
It means intimate partner violence using a smartphone, computer, social media, email, or location devices.
The different forms of intimate partner violence - physical, mental, digital, sexual - often overlap.
In the end, there was also physical violence in the relationship.
The man hit, squeezed, tore and threw the goods.
A couple of times Satu ran away from home so the man wouldn’t have hit.
A few times the man squeezed so hard that images of the palm remained on his upper arm.
- But about 90 percent of the situations I managed to talk so that nothing physical harm happened.
To avoid outbursts of rage, I learned to circumvent the truth and conceal things where there was nothing wrong.
Pictures of someen with women only
If Satu spent with friends in the evening, he saw to it that he may not put pictures to Facebook - or if the device to, then he shows up with them only female friends.
- The explanation and touring seemed awful, they are not signs of a healthy relationship.
I was also ashamed that I had to do that.
When Satu divorced her husband three years ago, the man threatened to post nude pictures of Sadu online.
- At first the idea was ashamed.
Then I told the man that all the same, just put the pictures in the share, it doesn’t bother me - but think about our children.
The intimidation ended there.
Satu is in a new relationship today.
On his phone today, he has a passcode - not because of a partner, but because he easily forgets on the phone here and there.
You can download the Women’s Line “Digital Violence in a Relationship and Beyond” guide here.
The story was previously published on the Me Women website in March 2020.