“Cursed me,” “Why do you love my brother more than me?” “I hate my brother's presence.”

In the event that you are the parent of two or more children, then you often hear these phrases or something similar, in addition to quarrels most of the time and attempts to distinguish children from each other in order to gain the attention of those around them, especially parents.

When a clip of two girls during the birthday party of one of them spread on social media, where the other rushed to blow out the candles, and the fight began between them, sudden comments poured out from the behavior of the two girls and their jealousy, and it became clear later that they were sisters.

Why is the sibling relationship shaped like this?

And how can parents help their children to be more friends than competitors?

Sibling rivalry

This conflict between siblings is called "Sibling Rivalry", and it is the continuous conflict between children who grew up in the same family. Feelings of hatred and envy.

This competition usually begins when a new child comes to the family and the interest in the older brother decreases, so he becomes jealous, and his behavior turns a little aggressive, and this usually decreases with age and develops better language and social skills, but it may continue into adulthood, so what is the reason for that?

Age difference

The competition becomes more severe as the age difference between the two brothers decreases, and in some stages this competition is worse than the other stages, such as when the two children are less than 4 years old, and when they are of the same sex, competition becomes more.

Jealous

Children feel jealous when one of them does something and gets the praise of the parents, then the other starts threatening to spoil what his brother has made, or to act aggressively with him, because he feels jealous of his parents' praise.

There are parenting behaviors that may increase this, such as:

Children get jealous when someone does something and gets parental praise (Getty Images)

Praise one child without the other

Creating competition between children and inciting them against each other, or assigning specific titles to children, such as the older brother is the family artist, or the younger one is the most intelligent, and the clear interest in the desires and interests of one child without the other;

All this creates a grudge between the siblings.

Distinction

Children feel a desire to show their excellence most of the time, and that can push them to compete to prove their superiority over others, such as: Who can run faster, or who will eat more sandwiches, and it may seem trivial, but it is of great importance to them.

Lack of skills

Children imitate the behavior of adults - especially parents - automatically, so if the parents are in conflicts and quarrels most of the time, the child does not realize that there is another way to deal with his feelings, and how to solve the conflict with others, and he believes that quarrels are the only way as he sees all the time.

Neglect

If one of the children suffers from a chronic disease, or has special needs, or has anything that requires more attention than his siblings, or receives more attention because of his arrangement in the family or the difference of his gender;

It causes others to feel jealous and envious of him for what he received, and to feel that it is the reason that they are not receiving enough attention.

How do you help your children?

Conflict between siblings is a very common thing, and in fact this competition helps children learn social skills and develop problem-solving skills, but when things get tough, this needs the intervention of parents to guide their children and prevent them from harming each other, so how do you help your children?

The competition becomes more intense as the age difference between the two brothers becomes smaller (Pixels)

Put a clear end

You cannot intervene all the time, but when it comes to a physical fight, the two children must be separated so that calm reigns, and limits to differences, such as not using insults or physical violence, and not harming the other's property.

Leave them the choice

You can intervene as a counselor, not a judge, and that means giving parents choices to resolve the crisis, leaving the children to choose what works for them, with clarification of the consequences if the conflict continues.

For example, when a game is in dispute, they can be given a choice: Either they take part in it, or no one will have it, and the choice is left to them.

Avoid interfering as much as possible

Children need to learn negotiation and conflict resolution skills on their own, and how to deal at a time of conflict, and these skills do not always come alone, as children need these experiences with their brothers, with guidance from their parents so that these skills develop.

Praise their cooperation

When children share games well, or come to an agreement without a fight, they can show admiration and praise for their good behavior, and you can reward them for that, such as allowing extra time to watch TV together.

Private space

It is also advised to leave some time and space for each child to be alone to reduce quarrels, in case the children share the same room and are together most of the time.