Parents are the first source of safety, affection and confidence for their children, especially during the early stages of their lives, and therefore when some parents mistreat their children, this may lead to a deep wound on the children, and overcoming this harm and its effects requires a lot of effort, so that the son can move forward and leave the past with his memories .
With the passage of time, the accumulated anger felt by the son becomes like the handcuffs that tie him to the one who caused him this harm, and hinder his movement and his launch towards life.
Despite the difficulty of overcoming this type of anger and pain towards the closest people, working on leaving that past, emptying the anger and accepting what happened in order to reconcile with it, is very important so that you do not become a prisoner of the past.
We can first distinguish between tolerance and forgetting, as psychologist Amy Law explained in her article on the Psychologytoday website, where Amy says, "Forgetting does not mean tolerance, but rather a cover-up of the anger that lies within us, and a premature transition to false forgiveness." ".
Even if we feel temporarily relieved, the remnants of past traumas will come and haunt us when we do not expect it, and this may come in the form of reckless actions, or anger towards those we love, as it may be reflected in an unclear way on our relationships and our dealings with others, and our thoughts and interpretations of what is happening around us.
How can anger be overcome?
Overcoming pain and reconciling with the past is not an easy thing, so do not be in a hurry and do not get angry at yourself if it takes a lot of time, and the process can be divided into a number of steps to achieve the goal.
The first step: facing the truth
It is also said that knowing the problem is half the solution. Admitting that there is a problem and deciding to face it despite the pain it causes, is the first step on your way.
Second Step: Participation
Sharing your pain with your loved one will help you relieve this pain, and you can start with one person, perhaps a psychotherapist, and if not available, you can write your feelings in your personal diary.
The third step: accept your feelings
This step is difficult for many, because when you realize that the negative feelings you feel towards parents may also hurt you, you will seem unappreciated for what they have done for you, and you may feel disobeyed and deny their favor, and therefore it is necessary to accept what we feel of anger, and understand its causes without Shift that feeling of shame towards yourself.
Step four: You can be sad
You can cry, that's okay, but it is an important step on your way to grieve and take the time you need to express it.
Let the child inside you express his sadness and anger over what he went through, and the disappointment and oppression he felt at a time when you could not express all of that.
Do not be afraid that you will remain captive throughout your life to this sadness, as it will pass as before, but this time you will find freedom from this anger that remained within you for years.
If your parents' treatment of you has changed for the better, try not to let past rage divert you (pixels)
The fifth step: integrating the past with the present
After you have spent enough time in the past, it is time to return to the present, and look at things in your current mind with a realistic and mature look, to see them on both sides of them, including the love and hate they contain.
The sixth step: Be with them as they are today
What happened in the past was painful and cannot be changed, but you can change your present and not allow this anger to continue in your relationship with your parents.
Apologizing or fixing what happened may not be possible, however you still have to learn to manage your emotions, and what can stimulate your past feelings.
If your parents' treatment of you has changed for the better, try not to let past anger divert you, and try to repair the relationship.
And if the causes of harm are continuous, then you can set healthy limits that maintain your psychological safety, and enable you to communicate with them.
When you reconcile with your anger towards your parents, you will be able to see them with your own eyes and your current adult mind away from the mentality of the child who used to see that his father and mother are supernatural heroes, so you can now realize that they are not supernatural, and that what they caused may be due to ignorance or as a result of the traumas they were subjected to. Or, it was in your best interest in the end.
This will enable you to look at them with an eye of mercy, and forgive what happened in the past, and if you are able to forgive what they did and improve them, then this will be reflected in your happiness and psychological comfort before it reflects on them.
We are all exposed to harmful and hurtful situations around us, but what distinguishes some of us is their ability to know this pain and overcome it and learn from it to add a new experience to their experiences, enable them to empathize with themselves and with others, and increase their ability to understand their pain and the pain of those they love without judging them, instead of keeping this The harm is within them and transmitting it to those around them.