(1)
In the beginning everything is going well, I quickly get a long-term residence and a job in a medium-sized hospital with a stable and large salary, with a head of department who is understanding and accepting of foreigners, and in a small and friendly city, contrary to what was rumored about it, I live a quiet life free of any huge challenges, and I feel I will have days to compensate for what I used to encounter in my country and push me to leave like many doctors of my generation.
I was only missing a permanent work permit, which guarantees that I can continue in the hospital according to German labor laws
Therefore, the only challenge in front of me at the time was to pass the German medical language test, and according to what friends said at the time, it was one of the simplest.
(2)
My boss decides to leave after only one month of my arrival, after a dispute between him and the hospital management. I am very sad about his separation, and he has become like an older brother and spiritual father, Polish by nationality and lover of foreigners, especially Arabs, who believes in me, encourages me and tolerates the mistakes of junior doctors in this new work environment .
I did not know that with his departure those smiles from the rest of the medical team would turn into ferocious looks that reveal their fangs to everyone who is not German, and perhaps my German language weakness helped, which increased the barrier between me and the rest of my colleagues, or maybe because I am not kind enough as my German colleague. The novelty, which everyone likes and tries to win her affection, or perhaps because I do not yet have the permanent permit, so I decide to take the exam at the earliest opportunity.
The world completely prevails in front of me, I leave my workplace, I return to my house, I sit alone in my room, review the tape of events, and I am amazed at its acceleration and cruelty, I am filled with tears and sorrow for what happened to me after I initially assumed that life had smiled at me.
(3)
I go to a private school that helps me develop my language quickly and strongly, and qualifies me to pass the exam. They don't even allow me to complete the exam, and they tell me I failed.
I am shocked by their reaction, I leave quickly, take my train and return to my home sad, I do not know what to do, especially since the new head of the department has joined the work, and it was clear that he was influenced by the opinions of old colleagues and their preference for some over others.
He invites me to a meeting in his office, a short conversation takes place between us, which he ends by informing me of his decision to dispense with me, citing my failure to pass the medical language test.
The world completely prevails in front of me, I leave my workplace, I return to my house, I sit alone in my room, review the tape of events, and I am amazed at its acceleration and cruelty, I am filled with tears and sorrow for what happened to me after I initially assumed that life had smiled at me.
My new German colleague calls me, asks me to meet at a cafe, tells me that she regrets what happened to me, and informs me that she has resigned in solidarity with me, is looking for a job and helps me apply for her.
I go to the new hospital, I meet with the head of the department who gives me his approval, I hand over all my papers to the employee in charge, and I start working again while I am at the height of my happiness, even though the new hospital is in a city two hours away from my residence, and I ride for her 3 transportation a day, which exhausts me greatly
But I believe that it is a transitional stage, and that things will improve soon.
(4)
Hardly a month goes by until I am dismissed from my new job, under the pretext that laws issued by the Health Bureau require that I have a permanent permit, that all my attempts to persuade the department head to continue to fail, I leave his office determined to go directly to the health office in charge of the exams, And in a town two hours away by train, I set off with hope in my heart and certainty of my soul.
I meet an employee who is extremely rude and cold, who refuses to give me a new date for the exam, and tells me that the Medical Syndicate refuses to give those who fail early appointments, under the pretext that they took an opportunity and missed it.
I return home exhausted, alone, disappointed with hope, sad with all my heart, I do not know how the days will pass, and I do not find a real explanation for what is going on with me, I sleep from fatigue, crying and sadness.
I get out of her, determined to go directly to the Doctors Syndicate which is an hour and a half away by train. I arrive a quarter of an hour before the end of work, and find the employee in charge is preparing to leave. I have stopped by asking for a date soon. She looks nicer than her predecessor. She gives me an appointment after 4 months.
I return home exhausted, alone, disappointed with hope, sad with all my heart, I do not know how the days will pass, and I do not find a real explanation for what is going on with me, I sleep from fatigue, crying and sadness.
(5)
I wake up the next day and courageously decide to face my fate, wandering around my small town looking for language schools, I participate in two courses, one of them, one for general language and one for medical language, and he joined a language exchange club.
I wake up every day at 6 in the morning to attend the intensive courses, and then I go to spend time to talk with the Germans to practice and improve German, I return at 6 pm to eat my food and study my lessons and not get a rest to continue my efforts, this was daily even during the days of Ramadan, and I do not know what Ramadan In Germany, where dawn is at 3 in the morning, and at sunset at 10 in the evening.
Finally, the exam date comes, I go to the headquarters with all strength and hope, I answer consistently to paragraph after another, I receive the approval of the committee, except that I and unfortunately found a member of the committee who was present in my previous attempt, refuses with all obstinacy to give me a full score, initiates questions to me that did not May be covered by the exam preparation protocol, and again fail.
Just like last time, I come home in shock, fall to the floor, cry heartily, and fall asleep.
I work as a waiter, as a sales representative, and as a distributor for advertisements in the markets and stores, and I join the city theater, I do acting with amateurs and play writing for a small fee, things that I never imagined I would ever do, and in parallel I prepare for the exam with all my strength.
(6)
I wake up the next day, I decide again not to give up, and to take the exam for the third time, telling me myself that I have to succeed no matter how much it costs me, my heart cannot accept the meaning of defeat and failure, but I have a bigger problem.
My balance is about to run out, my financial situation worsens, and I am no longer able to pay the rent for my house and do not bear the exorbitant exam costs. I start selling home furniture piece by piece, until there are no longer anything but essentials, and I decide to look for work again, even if it is outside the medical field.
I work as a waiter, as a sales representative, and as a distributor for advertisements in the markets and stores, and I join the city theater, I do acting with amateurs and play writing for a small fee, things that I never imagined I would ever do, and in parallel I prepare for the exam with all my strength.
5 months pass, I enter the exam room again, I am surprised by the presence of the same examiner who initiates me by saying, "When will you realize that you have no place between us .. go to your country", I realize in advance the fate of that attempt, I leave the exam venue, failing to cry profusely, I go to my train and return home I think what to do?
In the morning I make up my mind, I will not follow the advice of the examiner, I will not leave for my country
But I will move to another city and a different state, perhaps it will be more attached to me.
(7)
In the new state, everything is different, auspicious, and a source of optimism for a heart recovering from disappointment, weary of attempts.
I rent a small room in a student house, I find a temporary job that suffices my daily sustenance and meets my needs and the room rent, I borrow from a friend the value of the exam fees to try for the fourth time, I am working on studying with all strength and focus, I trust that my Lord will not let me down, and that everything has a reason and a date.
I go to the exam venue, I am optimistic about its green color, and with its cheerful members, my failed heart is afraid of surrendering to the marks, the exam ends, I answer all questions with consistency and correct language, and although it is not allowed for the examinee to be informed of the result, the kind committee promises me to prepare for the happy news And wish me good luck.
(8)
When I set foot on the airport grounds in Frankfurt, my utmost wish was to find a job, even in a modest hospital in a small village on either side of the vast edge of the country;
But you want a star from aspirations, and your Lord wants to give you the moon.
I remember all this while wearing a badge with my full name "Dr. Mohamed Hijab" on my chest, and introducing a new employee in one of the largest hospitals in the capital, Berlin.