THE SEX QUESTION - I'm not focused during sex, what should I do?

To be fully focused so that you can make the most of the present moment.

This is the difficulty that Juliette, a listener, experiences when making love with her partner, and it worries her all the more because she thinks it shows.

Reassuring, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc believes this Thursday in "Sans Rendez-vous" that it is about something normal, since it is impossible to guide your brain all the time with absolute concentration.  

Juliet's question 

I have noticed for a while that when I have sex with my partner, I am not focused.

I think about other things like my business meetings or housework.

I have the impression that he realized it.

How to make the most of the moment?

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Catherine Blanc's response 

It is very common for a partner to think of something else during sex.

Even if we love it, there are lots of reasons to shy away from the time of sexuality.

Because it invites an emotion, a sharing that we are not always ready to welcome.

Sometimes, no matter how much we are with the other, we want to run away from him or what will be revealed between us.

And all the occasions are good to find small escapements by thoughts which suddenly go where our concern is, whether professional or the stewardship of a home, for example.

Does this have a link with the mental load of women?

Running away from sexuality is not done in a conscious way, but in an unconscious way.

We prioritize our emergencies and sexuality is not necessarily well placed.

Or if so, it suggests strong emotions and emotional loads that can be coupled with a strong mental load. 

Is concentration required to have fun?

There are times when you think of something else, even someone else.

But this person is not necessarily identified, it can be a sexual situation leading to a [sexual] freedom from which the partner with whom one makes love fully benefits.

So in fact, it's quite complicated because our brain works on its own.

You don't guide him in one direction all the time with absolute focus.

A simple outside noise can for example bring out of the sexual situation because of concerns.

Obviously, the more we have fun in what we are going through, the more we want to return.

But it is true that in our society we have a lot to think about, hence the fact that we talk a lot about awareness of the present moment, that we talk a lot about slow sex to be in the here and now.

Being in your body and being in the relationship to the other for the best of the relationship and the most enjoyment.

So what should Juliette do to make the most of the moment?

Already, if she thinks he has noticed it, it means that she is observing him rather than being inside her.

She has to realize that just because she realizes it doesn't mean that she needs to be corrected.

As she realizes that she is not in it, there are things that cannot be experienced.

Which is not a very big invitation for her.

So what is important is that Juliette listens, puts herself inside her penis, that she listens to this sex talking, reacting, being moved, moving, so that she is at the rendezvous of this that is happening.

The more she is in the meeting with him, the more she will be in the quality bond with him.