THE SEXO QUESTION - I don't dare talk about my fantasy to my partner, what should I do?

At the start of a relationship, it's not always easy to come to terms with your fantasies.

How can we be sure that our partner is receptive or, worse, that he is not struck by our own desire?

This is the question asked by one of our listeners, who does not dare to evoke one of her fantasies with her companion, whom she has been seeing for a few months.

The sex therapist Catherine Blanc gave him her advice on Wednesday in the show "Sans rendez-vous" on Europe 1.

Claire's question:

"After four months of relationship, I still don't dare talk to my boyfriend about certain fantasies. For example, I would like him to spank me. I'm afraid he will find it degrading. you? "

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Catherine Blanc's response:

“It all depends on how you start in a relationship start, either very gradually or on the fly. There are some that open up from the start because there is a kind of obviousness between them. , we look for each other and take the time to discover each other. We are slowly emptying emotionally, even if physically we got to the heart of the matter more quickly. Everyone defines when is it still young or not for to reveal himself a little more, to reveal himself a little more. 

But the point is that we are in a society that would like to banish modesty, we should be in something extremely exhibitionist of what we think, feel and desire.

Things are a little more complicated than that.

Modesty is part of the individual and for many reasons, we need to spare a little of what drives us.

We need security, not only related to the other, but also in relation to ourselves. 

The question here is what can I say to him?

I would like to tell him that I would like a little spanking, but is he likely to find that degrading?

It first raises the question of the idea she has, that it can be degrading and perhaps the pleasure she could experience in this kind of situation. 

It's not the craziest fantasy either, right?

Does she put more pressure on herself to indulge the fantasy, more than the gesture of spanking?

Despite a freedom now claimed and granted, many women find it difficult to express their desire.

Regarding spanking, it is already talked about a lot in pornographic films and in erotic literature.

In consultations not that much, maybe people keep it to themselves.

That doesn't mean they don't live it.

But the gesture of spanking can refer to childish things, and that is the whole difficulty.

Spanking is also when you've done something stupid.

It can also be what will allow the other to obey, because I am a villain or a naughty one.

In fact, these are fantasies that are part of all of us, which for all that are not linked to eroticism for all.

So, again, let's not say spanking is classic.

Otherwise, all the men will start to spank the women who will, of course, experience it as an assault.

There is no question of that. 

Should she prepare the thing or should she, in the heat of the moment, ask him for a little spanking? 

There are actually two ways with two risks.

Either way, there isn't one way for everyone.

You can actually approach it completely by being completely off topic, for example when you are shopping at the supermarket.

We can say: "you know, by the way, I would like ..." As it is completely offbeat, it fits in an ear, it stays or it leaves depending on the emotional state of the person receiving it.

This is a good way to proceed, since it opens the door to possible escape if that does not correspond to the capacity to welcome it. 

Another possibility: we are making love and when we are ready to take over we take the other's hand and we indicate to him, we make him do it.

Either it amuses him and he does not think about it because he himself is in the pleasure of sexuality.

Either he will find it curious and will let her do it, but he will not do it again and the case will be closed without giving rise to literature. "