A particularly difficult ordeal, a serious illness can destroy a couple's sexuality, even when the partner is in the process of healing. This is what happens to Claude and his wife, the latter having had cancer two years ago. The couple have since lost their libido. For Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychoanalyst, the situation is due to a silence that has settled between the two partners. In "Sans Rendez-vous", however, she explains that a revival of their sexuality is possible.
Claude's question
My wife had cancer two years ago, since then I can no longer feel sexual desire, I feel fragile and on her side she does not seem demanding. How to explain it, and when will our libido return to normal?
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Catherine Blanc's response
Both people have a libido problem. Claude's wife had cancer, she flirted with death. It can revive the desire in a desire to assert life, but here is visibly in a care of oneself, an idea of devastation or of a damaged body. And when we are repairing ourselves, all the psychic energy goes in that direction. As for her husband, to desire someone is to desire for oneself, but also to build with the other and to feel the other solid and up for the adventure.
As soon as his wife is concerned about the sadness or the safety of her body, penetrating her may be perceived as aggression and therefore lower Claude's libido. To penetrate the body of the other, you have to be at peace for yourself, but also be sure that you are not going to harm your partner. If the other is fragile, we will rather be in a mothering care.
Why is his wife not an applicant?
She does not seem demanding, it is a very important nuance! There is a silence that has been made in this couple, because the disease has set in and monopolizes all attention. But maybe even before her cancer, this woman was not the type to put forward her desire. Not to mention that Claude may be in trouble because he is afraid to tell her that he wants her and that she is not capable of it, or even that he simply feels rejected.
Do many couples have difficulty after serious illness?
Yes it's very difficult because you have to imagine the aftermath. And there is always this idea that after illness will also allow you to return to the initial time. But life is a movement that keeps moving in one direction. It will allow you to experience something else, but not to go back. So the couples are sometimes in the difficulty of this acceptance of passage, and one remains on the side of the road because he can not manage to find these new marks without automatically experiencing it like a tumble.
If the two people are not moving at the same speed, it can be difficult for them to meet. But as there was conquest before the illness, there may be conquest after. And it is very important to communicate, so that sexuality is not swallowed up by the darkness of the disease.