It may come to your attention that some marital relationships that seem very promising due to the compatibility of the parties to the marriage end with the passage of time, and in some other relationships in which the two partners appear different and threaten the end of the relationship soon in which the opposite occurs, as it turns with the passage of time into a strong marital relationship.
Much research has tried to determine the individual characteristics that make a successful marital relationship, including how couples deal with conflict and communication, and these studies have shed light on what may lie behind the success of the relationship.
But a new study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences known as PNAS and conducted on more than 11,000 couples revealed a key element whose importance we may often ignore, and it turned out to be the main indicator of happiness within the marital relationship, which is romance. And the extent of interest in communication.
According to the study, the type of relationship you build with a partner is more important to your happiness than your individual characteristics, as it is not related to the extent of compatibility of the two partners, and it is not related to personality traits, personal history or interests, the study found that these matters play a much smaller role than we might think in predicting success. Long-term marital relationship.
"The amazing part is that once you have all the relationship data, the individual differences fade into the background," says lead researcher and psychologist Samantha Goel of Western University in Canada.
According to a report published on the study on the Sciencealert website, this study is the first of its kind to use artificial intelligence to analyze romantic relationships based on data from thousands of couples, as this type of analysis is characterized by the ability to sift huge amounts of data.
what is the secrete?
The results of the research revealed that the strongest predictor of a couple's happiness in the long term is the type of relationship that the two partners create together over time, meaning that the quality of the relationship they experience exceeds individual traits or characteristics in anticipating the spouses' happiness in the future.
Lead author Samantha Joel says, "This indicates that the person we choose is not as important as the relationship we build. It is the general way that the couple interacts with each other."
"The dynamic that you build with someone, such as shared norms, jokes, and shared experiences, is much more than the separate individuals who make up that relationship," she adds.
The study examined individual characteristics that may be assumed to be the most important factors that predict a happy marital relationship, such as the individual partner's feelings about their marital life status, their tendency toward anxiety or depression, and whether their parents enjoyed a stable marriage or divorced.
These factors could have a negative impact on the marital relationship, of course, but the research found that they were much less important to happiness than the actual pattern of the ongoing relationship, i.e. how they interact, and how each feels about the interaction.
The researchers write in their paper that “experiencing a negative influence, depression, or an insecure attachment are definitely risk factors for the relationship, but if people nonetheless manage to establish a relationship characterized by appreciation, sexual contentment and lack of conflict and they see their partner as committed and responsive, then the risk factors may be. That individuality is of little importance. "
How do couples build that relationship?
According to the study, the advantage of building a good relationship between spouses includes a mutual feeling of strong commitment to each other, responding to each other's needs, supporting each other, achieving a mutual level of enjoyment of their married life, feeling that the partner is happy in the relationship, and of course a low level of disagreements and conflicts.
In an article on Psychologytoday, psychologist and psychoanalyst Douglas Lapier says that the results of this pilot study are consistent with what we see clinically also among couples who develop long-term and continuous marital happiness in their relationships.
Lapier added, "What the research cannot show, of course, is how these couples develop this kind of bonding, trust and happiness, but both experimental and clinical research indicate some of what couples do to create a positive dynamic, such as their commitment to transparency towards each other, continuous communication and revealing their hopes and fears. Their desires and their feelings. "
The experimental research of this study also indicated other evidence useful in building a relationship, such as the willingness to give up personal interests, and knowing when to put your partner's needs before yours, as giving up self-interest in this way is directly linked to a long-term and happy relationship, and continuing after marriage in Feeling vanity and selfish will not lead to a happy or lasting relationship.
In addition, feeling appreciated by your partner leads to strengthening the marital relationship, and increases your belief in the importance of continuing the relationship over time.
The study also found that your relationship is strengthened when your tired and exhausted partner feels that he is understood and is being listened to, not only through words of support, but through various forms of expressing sympathy - such as visual communication, listening and conveying understanding and interest - non-verbally, so the key to marital happiness is It is controlling what your partner deems useful, and offering it to him.