I accompany the elderly in a nursing home in isolation in the United States
Text/Peng Xiaohua
Published in the 958th issue of China News Weekly on August 3, 2020
During the epidemic, most of the world implemented social distancing, which is a particularly severe test for widowed and alone elderly people. My father, who has always been healthy and joyful, has symptoms such as dizziness, nightmares, and depression, and his memory, reaction, and expression skills are significantly reduced. I am struggling to stay in the United States and cannot return to my country to accompany him. I can only grow old and old, hoping to use my psychological counseling technology to help elderly people like him. It happened that Xiao An, an international student friend, found me, hoping that I could chat with the old American Daniel for about an hour a week. I immediately agreed.
Daniel is 85 years old, widowed, living alone in a nursing home. The United States does not implement a strict domestic isolation policy, and family and friends can still move around freely, with the exception of nursing homes. In order to protect the health of the elderly, the elderly are not allowed to go out in the nursing home, nor are they allowed to visit by relatives and friends. Daniel stayed alone in the room all day, three meals a day were delivered by the staff, and he left as soon as he put it down. It was rare that someone could talk. He was originally suffering from depression, loneliness and loneliness aggravated his condition, and often suffered from insomnia all night.
In the first conversation, he talked to me about his relationship with China: he was a coach of the American fencing team and had contact with Chinese coaches and athletes. He knew that my husband and I were both translators, and talked with me about the new English translation of "Odyssey" with great interest, praised it as the best English translation, and asked me if I have a Chinese version. During the second conversation, we learned that he had ordered a copy for us.
Marriage, family, and children are the most common topics. Daniel has a long and sweet marriage. He has two daughters and one son with his wife, and their children are very good. After the death of his wife a few years ago, he has not recovered from the pain of losing his wife, so he suffered from severe depression and has been taking antidepressants.
Daniel is equal and open to people. He never pretends to be his elders. He doesn't mind discussing his troubles and confusion. He tried the mindful breathing I recommended and his insomnia improved.
One day he told me that there was one last problem in his life that had not been solved: he had never learned to accept compliments comfortably. It turned out that his parents were indifferent and harsh to him since he was a child, and he felt that he had no advantages. I was impressed by how the negative evaluation of parents can profoundly affect a person's self-perception, and I shared with him a classic Chinese response: where and where. I told him that there was a legend that a foreign translator was incomprehensible and translated it literally into "where where", which made a big joke. The old man laughed.
Xiao An also introduced Xiao Yun, a Chinese student, to chat with Daniel. Xiaoyun is suffering from severe depression and is treating with me. Since "knowing", Xiaoyun has become Daniel's biggest concern. He said, "Her condition breaks my heart. I want to provide her with a shoulder to lean on to cry." Xiaoyun's improvement is his happiest thing, and he has repeatedly expressed his gratitude to me-as if he is Xiaoyun. Family.
Daniel is very concerned about current affairs. He is very disgusted with President Trump. He believes that his government has failed to deal with the epidemic. He is worried that his next election will cause more serious harm to the future of his children and grandchildren.
Although strict isolation has been implemented, nursing homes have not completely become pure land. Especially in nursing homes with low fees, nursing staff often work part-time in several nursing homes due to low salaries, and it is difficult to guarantee that they will not be infected. Daniel's nursing home belongs to the upper-middle level. Some nursing staff have large families and crowded housing. The elderly can't help but worry about whether they will bring the epidemic in. At the beginning of July, the nursing home arranged all the nursing staff to do a virus infection test. Last week, all the elderly finally did the long-awaited test. The result came out, all personnel were negative, and Daniel felt very lucky.
Psychological research has found that rich social interaction is important for the physical and mental health of the elderly. Through Xiaoyun’s introduction, I have applied to become a volunteer of Agingnext, a charity organization supporting the elderly at home. I hope to contribute my meager strength and learn how to grow old and accompany the elderly, and to serve the country with the knowledge and experience gained.
(The author is a translator of "The Best Farewell" and a researcher of dying psychological culture)
China News Weekly, Issue 28, 2020
Statement: The publication of "China News Weekly" manuscript is authorized in writing