It is a problem that many French people encounter in the secrecy of the bedroom, after several years of relationship: boredom. Reports without originality, an automatic pleasure but not very adventurous, partners satisfied at least but far from being satisfied… In the program Sans Rendez-vous on Europe 1, Wednesday, the doctor and sexologist in Paris Damien Mascret gives the keys to don't fall into a monotonous routine in bed.
Can we avoid boredom in bed?
“Yes, boredom is inevitable after a while. But it's not hopeless. It's a little demoralizing when you say it like that, but you have to know that there is the strength to habit.If you don't do anything, it's demoralizing.
Fortunately, we can do something, as long as we understand what is going on. It's very simple: when you meet someone, you will start by exploring each other, knowing your tastes, your possible dislikes ... In short, you will explore the sexual repertoire a little bit and do your couple's menu.
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What also happens is that little by little this menu tends to be reduced. It's a bit like the Chinese restaurant syndrome: even if you look at the whole menu every time, you get the same thing every time because you are sure. You know that is what will make you happy and satisfy you. Sometimes you have the experience that your attempts were unsuccessful and eventually you keep coming back the same. "
Do you have to choose another menu?
"Yes, choose another menu, maybe peck on the partner's menu even if you are not sure what you will like or not like. You have to test and experiment. You have to, at some point in the couple, again to re-expand one's sexual repertoire, that is to say, to consider what could be done again.
You can ask your partner or partner what he or she likes to do. You can also be an active agent and propose new things yourself. It must be done with kindness. When someone offers you something, it's not about pouncing or climbing on your high horse. The other shares their desires with you and if you don't want to, you say so. It's not about forcing yourself. You might find adaptations that come close to this fantasy. Don't forget to make suggestions yourself. "
Staying in your comfort zone, is that what kills love?
“Exactly. You're sort of on what's called the orgasm highway. Ultimately, you can fall asleep and wake up when it comes time to get out. You know what's going to happen, so you have to. on the contrary, take outings, nationals, departmental ones. You may have to go completely wrong, go on small paths. You will laugh about it together, and then that's it. Anyway, no one will debrief you at the exit to find out how it went. Rest assured, you can start over anyway.
Conversely, habits are reassuring. That's why we wallow a little in our habits. But habits lead to monotony. You have the impression that everything is going well, but in fact not. All is not going well. As if by chance, when you offer your brain a little game of kicks in the air, a good book or a good series, you will see which way it will tip. "
So, do we get off the highway to wake up the erotic brain?
"Exactly, you have to wake up your erotic brain. It means that you don't have to come out the big game with the candles, the rose petals, the handcuffs or the fishnets. It depends on the tastes of each other. , but you can already start with something very simple, which is to change the scenario of the intercourse. Think about your last intercourse, then think about the penultimate one. You will see that four times out of five, it there is not much difference between them.
When you think about making a gesture or a change of position during intercourse, suspend your momentum in flight and do another gesture instead. You will see that you are going to surprise your partner. And that awakens the erotic brain. "