Loyalty is often seen as the cornerstone of a couple relationship. Any deviation is therefore likely to put an end to it. So once the fault is committed, must it necessarily be admitted? Wednesday in "Without appointment" Catherine Blanc answers a listener who wonders if she should speak to her husband about her "accident".
Elisabeth's question
I was on a business trip last month and I slept with a particularly attractive colleague. An accident as they say, since then I feel guilty. Do I have to talk to my husband about it and risk breaking 10 years of marriage?
Catherine Blanc's response
Even when we are married, desire can come to tap us. You can love, be faithful, and yet have the siren call for one reason or another. There is also pressure from the social group in the professional context. We go out, we go for a drink: we have to show that we are not stuck, that we are full of ambition. And when I say ambition, it's all ambitions, including sexuality. And quite willingly we end up sliding where we may not have intended to slide
Cheating does not mean that you do not love your partner or no longer. It simply means that one has curiosities elsewhere or otherwise, or the desire to be perceived differently. We are seduced by the idea of being seen by someone else. Except that it is quite "fake", because it is a story which is played on a given space, and which does not correspond to the real knowledge of the other. And so it takes a little bitter taste.
I find it interesting that Elizabeth wonders if she should absolutely talk to her husband about it. This raises the question of why. She does not feel very well with this story and would like to feel good. And to feel good, she wants to talk to her husband about it. I find that this is a way of making the other bear the responsibility for the result, for the punishment. So that you can then be cleansed of your fault.
I think it's good to be honest. But I think that we must first think about what we are playing. Is it to unload on a husband who will then carry this on his shoulders, who will see the scene over and over again. Or is it because we want the relationship to break, by finding something so that it is ultimately the husband who is the cause of the separation. While it was she who committed infidelity.
Whether she talks to her husband about it or not, it doesn't say that she will do it again. It all depends on the lesson learned. I think if she feels bad afterwards, it is interesting to learn things, and end up saying that it is not worth risking her relationship. But if once she got rid of her guilt she already forgot that she had it, she might risk doing it again. You shouldn't say to yourself "I'm clean because I said so", by making your partner wear things that are too painful.