Arab society usually accepts a wife who is younger than her husband even if the difference between them reaches more than 20 years, but in return he categorically refuses to accept an older wife than her husband, even if the difference is one year or even several months.
The changes that occurred in recent years have modified the society’s view, and it has become fashionable or customary for a man to marry someone who is old, as long as they meet on intellectual and spiritual understanding, and they are bound by sacred love, and they melt between them the differences of age.
And marriage for an older woman has advantages and disadvantages, according to a number of owners of experiences, some of them have achieved success and continued the path of married life, and some of them failed and separated from his partner for various reasons. Psychologists have an important opinion on this topic.
Al Jazeera Net met with women who experienced this experience, and some of them found happiness in this connection, and others felt remorse for taking this bold step.
10 years of love and respect
After more than ten years after this marriage, she still feels his love and respect for her, Angela Aladdin says to Al Jazeera Net, and she is five years older than her husband, and this is not a big difference, they got to know each other in the medical school, and a strong love relationship developed between them, and the marriage did not Her husband Fadi regrets being attached to her, despite his family’s disapproval of that, and after more than ten years after this marriage, she still feels his love and respect for her, and is not greatly concerned about seeing the effects of age on her appearance, as she cares a lot about the freshness of her face and the grace of her body.
Angela stresses that the responsibility lies with the woman in the first place, as she is the only one able to make her husband feel the greatest in opinion and advice, and that he is the man of the house and her protector, despite the fact that she is younger than her age. At the same time, she must preserve her beauty and youth to always look brilliant, so she delights herself, delights her husband and escapes from premature aging.
She adds with confidence that it is not a shame for a woman to marry a younger man, as long as there is understanding, harmony and love between them. "There are many similar marriages that have continued the marital life without differences, understanding and happiness. If a woman possesses the keys to a man's heart, she possesses his life and love, and if she feels this love that translates to him with respect for his opinion and work, then the wife will be yes regardless of her age."
Do not rush to make up your mind
On the contrary, Alia Taha says, "My advice to every woman who desires such a marriage is not to rush her decision." Alia's marriage took place only seven years, and he paid off a child who is now young and he is the flower of her entire life. He married her ex-wife to another woman younger than him and divorced her, and he remarried a third time for a woman of his age.
Alia explained that her relationship with her ex-husband was initially successful and characterized by calm and stability, but after several years the problems started, because he did not understand her maturity and strong personality and her eagerness to preserve her family, and she was afraid that he wanted to marry someone younger than his age to impose his authority on her, and when her suspicions began And her suspicion of him was so tightened their relationship that she asked for a divorce from him, because she could no longer tolerate his actions and deny his feelings.
Alia advises every woman who wants to marry a man who is younger than her, not to rush into her decision, because if a man marries an older wife than him, he searches for love, affection, and kindness in the beginning more than it is a marital relationship, and he needs someone who carries the frustrations of life. The woman also shows the effects of age on her early as a result of pregnancy, childbirth and household chores, so the husband begins searching for another wife.
Why are men attracted to older women?
But what are the advantages and disadvantages of this type of marriage? And why are men attracted to older women? How successful has this relationship been? Is there an absolute criterion for the success of the marital relationship, according to the age difference between them?
All these questions are answered by the clinical psychologist Faten Zain, saying, "There is no doubt that society is in a state of constant change, and with regard to the age difference between the spouses, we note that this matter has existed since ancient times. The Messenger, may God bless him and grant him peace, married Mrs. Khadija, may God be pleased with her, and she is Almost 15 years older than him, according to accounts, and individuals in any society determine these standards, and there are no absolute criteria for the age difference between spouses.
Faten revealed to Al-Jazeera Net that a woman’s marriage to a man who is younger than her may be socially inappropriate, but in psychological measures it is right, in marital life there are always mutual needs, if these needs are met, the relationship succeeds, regardless of the distance or age convergence between the two parties.
The choice of a man for a woman may be greater than him as a result of emotional maternal deprivation, meaning that he searches for the image of the mother and her concern and care through this marriage, or it may be a lot of pampering in his childhood and searches for who provided this indication through attention and alternative care for the care of the mother. In the subconscious may carry an escape from responsibility by relying on the other side.
Here it must be noted that the needs of people differ, for example, some of them need economic, or perhaps legal, as we must refer to the marriage of our Arab youth to a Western woman motivated to obtain a nationality, according to specialist Faten.
The three stages of love
Specialist Faten shows that the individual goes through three stages in the matter of love:
First: Fascination,
i.e. the stage of admiration in the form of an individual, with his style, his movements, etc.
Second: Discovery and evaluation,
i.e., the stage of discovering the advantages (positive attributes) and defects (negative attributes), and here it must be pointed out that it is neither preferred nor feasible to be connected during the first two stages, and that prolonging the stage of dazzling is a very negative thing that leads the individual to Not seeing the other with impartiality and objectivity.
Third: The stage of acceptance and adaptation,
which is the stage in which the individual decides whether he can accept defects and enjoy the benefits. After the third stage, the individual can reach the decision of association.
Proceeding from this, the specialist Faten indicates that marital infidelity comes as a result of an imbalance in meeting the needs in the sense that if the man marries a woman older than him in search of the mother’s affection, but after a period or years later he felt the satisfaction of this need he has or that he refuses to deal with it As a child, however, a man may resort to infidelity in search of the need for self-esteem.
She concludes her explanation that there is no absolute criterion in the success of the marital relationship, according to the age difference between the two parties, as divorce cases include cases of all ages, wherever a person feels our self-worth, he finds himself maintaining this value without regard to the age difference.