Patrick has been in a relationship with his wife for 45 years and is asking himself a question today: how can the desire start again in his wife, when he has not just stopped wanting to have sex with her? The septuagenarian wonders about this shift in libido, which he does not want to correct by forcing the desire of his partner. On Europe 1, Monday, the sexologist and psychoanalyst in Paris Catherine Blanc answers him in the program Sans Rendez-vous with Mélanie Gomez.
Patrick's question, 73
"I am fortunate to still have my wife whom I have loved for 45 years. Unfortunately, she no longer experiences sexual desire whereas I do. We are almost the same age, except for two years. don't want to force her, what advice would you give me? "
Catherine Blanc's response
"It is not always the same libido when you get older. Libido evolves throughout our life. It is not the same at 71, as at 40, 50, etc. Indeed, this There are times of rehabilitation each time: there was the time of menopause, with potential deterioration of the body, lubrication, thickness of the skin and therefore of the vagina, often it can disturb sexuality.
You also have to do with your body envelope, your look at yourself. Sexuality invites an eroticization, it is thus necessary to make with an idea of oneself and the reality of oneself. Sometimes it gets a little stuck, which can lead to a slightly lacking libido.
There is also the idea that the other, who is the other of everyday life, has become our best friend. Potentially, we forget to eroticize it and we can have the feeling that sexuality is a little anecdotal. It is not inevitable, because women are in desire until their last breath. "
Often, we have the image of the woman who no longer wants, while the man is still vigorous. But the reverse can also be true, right?
"Thank you! Tired of imagining that it is women who are sad sires, and that men are always vigorous. It is sometimes also physiologically complicated for men. But without being physiologically complicated, it can be psychologically difficult to invest in sexuality again.
We must check for both men and women that this is not a hidden sign of depression or depression. Once you are depressed or depressed, in fact, there is no need to be. This is what is put in silence first.
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We can be very happy, have lots of other things and be more crowded on the subject of sexuality. Besides, what is interesting is that in a couple, as soon as there is someone who is in 'official' difficulty with desire, the other thinks he is very desiring and says' I don't understand , you have no desire, how is it? '. In a way, the protection that the other represents in his non-desire offers all the latitude to imagine that you are full of desire yourself, when things are more complex than that.
What should Patrick do? Should he tell her about it?
"Talking about it is a good thing. But beware: there can be modesty, especially on these subjects. It is quite complicated to get out of our exchange mechanisms. Being able to talk about it, c 'is also to allow the exchange otherwise, that is to say that' it may not be sexuality as we knew it that interests you, or that you want, maybe that you would like to be approached differently '.
A woman of the same age told me that she would like 'someone who takes her time', because now she knows that it will take longer, for lubrication and excitement, for example. The partner needs to be alert to these possibilities for a change of pace. "
Are aphrodisiacs effective? Can ginger be helpful?
"You'd probably have to eat ginger wheelbarrows for it to have an effect! Of course, Chinese medicine will say that ginger triggers something. What I mean is that as soon as you put a cream by saying that we are doing good, that we take something peppery or spicy, with a slightly sulphurous idea, in fact, we 'program'.
As such, I find that everything has its place, including things that will not have the effect of a drug. This is fortunate, because if it were enough to take a drug for sexuality to be at the rendezvous, we would consume things that we should not take at all and we would hurt ourselves. We would no longer be in control of our sexuality. "