Highly highlighted in pornography, fellatio is nonetheless a sexual act that can be scary in everyday life, especially because of the technicality it requires. This is partly what Heloise feels: not knowing too much "how to go about it", she prefers to abstain. But she is looking for advice. This Wednesday in "Sans Rendez-vous", the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc therefore provides him with some tips.
The question of Heloise, 26 years old
"I give my boyfriend very few blowjobs. Not that I don't like it, but I don't know how to do it. Do you have any advice to give me?"
Catherine Blanc's response
I think what complicates things is that we don't like to have a blowjob, or on the contrary that we love and that we feel guilty. So obviously we tangle brushes, because instead of doing things spontaneously and assuming a possible difficulty (or on the contrary his pleasure), we hesitate, we do not dare, we are afraid of that could let you think of yourself. This is where the act becomes very mechanical and ineffective.
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Is there a fear of hurting?
Of course, this is why Heloise is in fear that her desire is guilty. And as a mouth has teeth, it is the fear of going free and being dangerous for the other. The fellatio represents for the men an anxiety of castration, and for the women an anxiety of castrating the other.
What advice to give him?
I think she should give herself the right to love oral sex. For the technique, there is not only one. We must ask ourselves how we approach each other and how we would like to be approached: greedily, delicately? It allows you to do what you love, not to hurt, and therefore to make you feel guilty. And then, you have to observe how the other reacts and see what makes him abandon himself in order to open the field of possibilities.
She's visibly embarrassed, should they talk about it?
Yes. It is his modesty which is the source of his difficulty, which transforms oral sex into a perilous adventure. But the first thing to do is to say that she likes it, that she would like to try. His companion can also talk to him about what he likes, tell him how he masturbates for example. This is how she will be able to bring down her modesty.