It has been the strategy of many French people. When Emmanuel Macron announced the confinement on March 16, many quickly migrated to the home of a loved one who owns a large house, and why a garden. An act that seemed to be common sense to allow possible children to better endure confinement. Among these French people, we find Karima, who went to live with her sister with her husband and children. But it has been more than two months since the couple found themselves sleeping in the same room as their children. A "problem", according to Karima, since it blocks her sex life.
But this is "happy" according to sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc, who details in "Sans Rendez-vous" this Wednesday the negative impacts that the sight of parental sexuality could have on children.
Karima's question
With my husband and my children, we are still confined to my sister who has a large house and a garden. For reasons of comfort we continue teleworking, but problem: we sleep in the same room as our children and that blocks us sexually, what to do?
Catherine Blanc's response
It is fortunate that the presence of the children blocks the couple's sexuality, because it is not at all an adapted framework. Not that the act is ugly, but the children are very curious about what is going on: always with a strained ear and eyes riveted everywhere. Do not take them for fools, even when they sleep it does not take much for them to wake up as their curiosity is alerted by the slightest noise, breath, or breathless breathing.
This is absolutely not the place, and we do not have to seek the excitement of our children who are building themselves from this point of view.
>> Find all the sex questions in replay and podcast here
Especially since there is a considerable margin to respect between this construction of excitement and the real. Otherwise, the child has the feeling of participating in parental sexuality, and suddenly it takes incestual looks, since he would have the feeling of participating in this sexuality, which causes great psychological damage. That it blocks parents is therefore a good thing, but their sexuality is not stopped either. It can be done in the eyes, in the moments when they meet, in the moments of kissing.
It must be said that this time can also be used to feed eroticism and sensuality until the moment when the couple will make room apart
At what age does it become problematic for children?
You have to understand the psycho-emotional development of a child: up to 3 years, there is no question of sexuality for him. He therefore simply feels what is playing around him in positive or negative tensions. So an infant in the bedroom is not tangled with a history of sexuality and it is important that this is not the case. From the age of 3, on the other hand, he becomes aware of his gender and that of others. This is also where the Oedipus complex comes in, from a very erotic moment in the child's bond with his parents, and we must absolutely avoid letting him think that he can participate in the eroticizations of the parental couple.
Then around 6 years old, how can one be particularly vigilant to protect him, because he is in a mixture of curiosity and demand, while being very worried about receiving physical responses.