Is what was good and pleasant during confinement to be thrown away once the deconfinement has started? This is Solène's anxiety: for two months, she and her companion loved to practice "slow sex", or "sexe lent" in French. But while each resumes a semblance of normal life, returning for some to work, the young woman fears that she will no longer be able to indulge in this practice. On Europe 1, psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc reassures her, in the program Sans Rendez-vous , Thursday.
Solène's question
With my boyfriend, we experienced during confinement "slow-sex", slow sex in French. We loved it, but it still takes time, a time we haven't really had since the deconfinement. Do you think this practice is compatible with this return to normal life?
Catherine Blanc's response
"Slow sex" is to consider that sexuality is not a story of penetration, it is to develop the whole relationship of caresses, kisses in slowness, in tranquility, in the reception of rising emotions , desire that goes up, in slow rhythms but even when it's fast, come back to the slowness of things to be in the here and now
It is to become aware in the consciousness of the act and not in the search for the outcome in the search for performance, in the search for making the other vibrate. It is to be in one's body and in the emotions of one's skin, in contact with the body and the emotions of one's skin. It takes a little time.
Is it about putting the relationship back together at the center?
Absolutely. Aiming for orgasm is like we decided to take a walk, but instead of taking a walk, we decided to have such a point of view. All the way is hell since we don't care. The goal is to see the point of view and once we have seen it, there is no way to go in return.
However, sex is to propose to make a ride, in pairs, in the direction of one another, which has no purpose, strictly speaking, it can be orgasm. But where is he ? It is not necessarily the place of male ejaculation, it can be throughout this walk with a significant moment of excitement, and then which can stop, resume, etc. There is a cat side that stretches, purrs and takes the pleasure of getting lost in its purr. There is something quite adventurous rather than this sprint to a finish line.
How can Solène and her companion do if they have no time left?
I think we always have time. What is quite amazing is to see people who tell me 'I will absolutely have no place to have a lover or a mistress', but when they finally give in to the siren call and find themselves a date, when they have extremely busy lives, there is time for that.
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The mistake is to think that we must make love every day, in an optimal way, and that we do not have time every day for it to take time. When we go to bed, we are in a hurry to go to bed, we are in a hurry to fall asleep, because tomorrow we are working, but simply taking the time to enjoy the sweetness of sexuality rather than being in a rhythm where we have l feel like rodeo, all of a sudden it can take a little longer. It doesn't have to be hours.
The concept of "slow sex" is not in the timing, but in the awareness of the situation and the sweetness of this situation. It may not necessarily be very long, while being "slow sex". It is a misconception to think that it is modern life that prevents "slow sex"; it's because we spend our lives running away from ourselves, running away from any feeling, being in the here and now. We are always doing it, and we forget being. "Slow sex" is nothing but being in being.
Can "slow sex" be therapeutic?
Absolutely. The characteristic of the early ejaculator is that it assumes that it will ejaculate early. He is so stressed that he is already coming to the point that he dictated himself, that is to say, his failure. Take the time to caress, to penetrate, to withdraw, then to re-penetrate, then to withdraw ... This is one of the ways to tame the duration of its possible penetration.