It was the perfect opportunity. Confinement may have been, for couples who are not (yet) living together, a means of temporarily crossing the course of the same roof. A kind of life-size test before putting two names on a bell. But it was also an opportunity to get a closer look at the small daily habits of his partner. And therein lies the problem of Dimitri, who realized that his girlfriend's lifestyle is not the same as hers. He deduces that he is not close to living with the latter, but does that mean that they are not made to be together?
Sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc answers him this Wednesday in "Sans Rendez-vous", and believes that "we should not throw the baby out with the bathwater".
>> LIVE - Coronavirus: follow the evolution of the situation
Dimitri's question
I just found my apartment after two months confined to my girlfriend. All in all it went relatively well, but I realized that we did not have the same habits of daily life. It made me realize that I am not going to move in with her, is this a sign that we are not made to be together?
Catherine Blanc's response
From the moment one lives with the other, one comes out of idealization. And you have to find compromises to be able to live together. There is therefore nothing very abnormal in being a little abrupt from time to time by the other. When we are very brash on our little mechanisms and habits, we find the other disturbing because it forces us to a flexibility to which we are not always ready. Is it the fault of the other, or that of our stiffness that is at stake? There is the question.
Does this mean that if the other is not at my exact pace, it is not for me? It would be to confuse it with a shoe, and one does not seek shoe with its foot when one puts in couple.
CORONAVIRUS ESSENTIALS
> Coronavirus: the French Academy has decided, it will now be necessary to say “the” Covid-19
> Coronavirus: is the second wave inevitable?
> Gatherings, trips, sport: what remains prohibited despite the deconfinement
> Deconfinement: what you need to know about returning to work
> Deconfinement: what hygiene for self-service bikes, scooters and scooters?
Especially since Dimitri only talks about lifestyle, and no one has the same ...
Yes, apart from being in a relationship with yourself or forcing the other, a partner may be disturbing at one time. We are never more disturbed by someone's little habits than when they send us back to something that we do not like at home. However, do not throw the baby out with the bathwater, and question yourself. See what can be relaxed and invite the other to do so too.
>> PODCAST - Coronavirus: find all the answers to your questions here
If Dimitri blocks on these details, may he never find a soul mate, nobody is perfect
It is that, and ultimately it will always be a capricious child who will want the rare pearl, even nonexistent, because imaginary. It is to promise oneself frustrations, pains and the feeling of being misunderstood. To feel love, you must already leave room for the other to offer it to you, without judging it.