• Profile.Apels: Me, sinner

If we shook the Bible until all its words fell, we would hardly find a character as peculiar as Father Apeles (53). For the last 25 years, this representation of God on earth has swept thousands of saraos and television sets with his cassock, where he rubbed shoulders with characters of all species, from Carmen Posadas to Montserrat Caballé, passing through Carmen Sevilla, Belén Esteban, Yola Berrocal, Pedro Ruiz or Pilar Eyre . Gone are his nights at Pachá Ibiza, Isla Fantasía on the outskirts of Barcelona or his collaborations in 'Crónicas Marcianas'.

But in the last two or three years, he already had the fly behind his ear: "Hey, no parties are organized, right?", He used to comment to this editor on WhatsApp or in person, if he ever coincided in any of the few acts that the universal flood of the process took away. Hence, he set foot on dusty and traveled to different places until he landed at the beginning of last year in Bologna, where he put himself at the service of the Church as director of a historical archive classifying books, parchments, making tokens ...

Between giving mass, class or giving the inkwell, Apelles is very clear about where he leaves his vows: "I am a secular priest, so I have more freedom. Vows are made by religious , such as Jesuits, Franciscans or Dominicans", points out.

So, after meditating and a lot of praying, he tied the blanket to his head, or rather the collar, and raising his hand looking at the sky to the cry of Scarlett - "God I bear witness that I will never go hungry again" -, the ecclesiastic decided that Rome was the best place to sink his teeth into the canapés. So last October he sold his apartment in the Dreta de L'Eixample in Barcelona, ​​whose square meter is around 5,600 euros , where he had Princess Alexia of Greece as his neighbor. Incidentally, the first-born of Constantine from Greece and Ana Maria of Denmark lived with her husband and four children in a spacious attic that, after moving to Lanzarote, apparently was bought by a brother-in-law of Amancio Ortega.

With the emoluments obtained, an apartment has been intelligently purchased next to the Castel Sant'Angelo that is currently being renovated. As soon as you cross the bridge, you already enter its domain, the Vatican City, which has visited so many and many times and which will now be a stone's throw away. Concerned that the whole outbreak of the coronavirus that is affecting millions of Italians has caught him in the capital, Father Apeles tries to deflect sadness to offer something more playful. It has always been said that between the Vatican and Castel Sant'Angelo there were secret tunnels that communicated with each other, to which he replies: "There is a hollow wall that leads from the apostolic palace to the Castel by the time the Pope had to protect from enemy armies. But today, the castle is a tourist attraction. "

At 53 years of age and endowed with sublime intelligence, José-Apeles Santolaria de Puey y Cruells is, to date, the most ironic, sarcastic and scathing ecclesiastical figure in the media. Despite having felt banality and frivolity, in the solitude of his confinements he has managed to give birth to the most varied ceremonial and religious works, among them, 'International legal relations of the Sovereign Order of Saint John of Malta' or 'Histories of the Popes'.

Although time passes, Apelles wants to be a kind of Moses to divide the waters into two large parts. On one side, the cultured, that feeds the spirit and, on the other, that of the party, that feeds vanity. Sin and penance have always haunted him . 'In saecula saeculorum' ... Amen.

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

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