Women’s mistakes .. Why does a woman lose the discussion in front of her husband?

Farida Ahmed

The discussion between the spouses is healthy and necessary for the continuation of the relationship. Sometimes, the debate intensifies and develops into a major dispute, in which the husband blames the wife, accusing her of committing a mistake and spoiling the friendly discussion.

Sometimes, a woman leads the discussion to the brink of the abyss, without realizing it, and resorting unintentionally to some of the things that drive the husband's madness, and then she loses the debate.

1- Notify him of failure
When it comes to money, some wives try to pressure her husband believing that she urges him to do more, she may not covet many things and just ask for necessities.

Some of them use the method of comparison with her friend who owns a house in an upscale area, or spent a vacation in a place, or bought a new car.

Stressing that method on the husband does not help often, especially if you know that he is doing his best in light of the bad economic conditions that most countries are suffering from recently. On the contrary, the husband feels a permanent failure and default, which turns the rudder of the debate into a complete dispute.

The solution is to think together about how to increase income, or reduce expenses as much as possible to purchase essentials, and to develop a plan for obtaining what is classified under luxury.

2- Reminding him of the mistakes of the past
The previous mistake among some husbands is not always previous, some women take advantage of the "wrong" of the previous husband, to remind him of him on several occasions, perhaps for fear of his repetition and perhaps to show him how I forgave and overlooked his mistake.

The husband may feel embarrassed again and again, but the third time he feels insulted, which causes him to revolt and the discussion ends between them with a sharp disagreement.

3- Compare it with others
This raises the frenzy of many, perhaps doing it in good faith, as writer Molly Parker asserts on Crosswalk saying, "Nothing makes a man feel like a failure, more than his wife puts him in the trap of comparison with others, even if only in simple things." Like how a husband treats his wife, how does that help her. ”

Then the conversation between you and him may turn into a big battle, and you may find him revolting without understanding the reason, so there is no need for comparison and I ask him quietly to express his interest in you as much as possible.

4- Blame him and complain about him
When the discussion starts with your husband and develops with a constant grumbling about his behavior and his character, which is, perhaps, real, know that you are losing the debate.

An article published on the site "Bonobology" confirms that some men are lazy by nature, a fact that cannot be denied and cannot be changed, but when his wife continually annoys him because of this habit, he becomes stubborn, and express successive disappointments and negative feelings through constant blame leads to Resentment.

The article's author recommends wives the solution: "Trust your husband and motivate him to do things he is supposed to do and avoid the constant blame during the discussion with him."

5- The loud voice
Some women resort to loudness with the heat of the debate, perhaps because they are more emotional and feel the constant pressure or injustice in the discussion with their husbands, but unfortunately it is a way to make you wrong even if you have the right to start the discussion.

Dr. confirms. Elliot Cohen is the founder and editor-in-chief of the International Journal of Applied Philosophy and the International Journal of Philosophical Practice - in an article on "Psychologytoday" - that screaming or loudness is a defensive expression of self, when marital debates heat up, adrenaline increases, heart rate increases, breathing speeds up and voice rises Verbal defensive behavioral response.

The problem with such aggressive verbal responses is that they, on the other hand, tend to encounter similar defensive responses from the husband who sees in your style a personal attack on him.

Instead, try to control your internal emotions, you may need some time for training but it is necessary, costing you the loss every time you try to discuss with your husband.

6- Stop talking to him
Some women resort to silence in the middle of a discussion with her husband when she feels that he is wrong or prejudicing her and does not admit his mistake, and according to "VeryWellMind", silence and frowning are features of negative violence, and the person uses them to express their anger and refuse to ignore or lack of interest, or as mechanisms Defensive to notify others of their mistakes.

But the man does not realize what the woman means by her silence, but he revolts and blames her for spoiling the debate.

Instead, define the points of discussion carefully and speak with emotion sometimes, and with facts and other calculations sometimes, and leave him space to talk, do not stop and do not use defense tools other than speaking with a calm voice, orderly mind, and chain ideas, you may win the discussion.