We sometimes wonder: Why do the people we love, and those who occupy a special place in our hearts, end up hurting us and hurting our feelings? Is there a logical explanation for this, or factors that must be taken into account in our management of these relationships?

There is a kind of pain that penetrates the skin and all the senses and reaches the depths of the heart, which is the feeling of harm caused by our loved ones when they treat us with cruelty or lack of interest, and they abuse us with words, says psychologist Valeria Sapater, in a report published in the Spanish magazine "La Mente Es Marvayosa". Or by unexpected actions of them. Here the question arises: Why is the person I love hurting me?

Love makes connections, builds trust, and makes us feel safe (Getty Images)

The pain that love causes us
"There is no pain in life more devastating than that which love causes us," says famous British poet George Granville. Because people invest a lot of their emotional energy in human relationships, and therefore they need emotional support and assistance on a daily basis, as love creates bonds and builds trust between those who love and makes them feel safe in this relationship.

The emotional pain caused by a broken heart exceeds the physical pain that results from accidents, and the reason may be that our expectations are sometimes great from those around us who have allowed them to enter the circle of close people, and we dealt with them innocently and naively.

Every relationship, whether emotional or social, represents an unwritten agreement between the two parties, according to which each party is expected not to be harmed, and this applies to family relations between parents and children and between brothers, and between friends as well, and between partners and lovers, where they are expected not to do treason, or Any behavior leaves a feeling of bitterness and injustice.

When he loves us with cruelty or lack of attention, we get hurt (Getty Images).

Who we love are those who harm us?
Dr. says. Manuel Hernandez Pacheco, researcher in psychology at the University of Malaga, Spain, that human beings are social beings, and they need to be connected and attached to others, to get a good feeling and relieve tension, and feel part of a group. In humans, this need is enhanced by childhood and adolescence.

That is why the child or teenager who feels rejected or being ignored by the people he loves, is exposed to great psychological damage, may lead to trauma or depression, and this type of people, despite suffering from harm, is unable to get rid of that relationship The poison that destroys his self-esteem.

Some do whatever they like, indifferent to the other's role (Getty Images)

Some behave carelessly
There are a type of people who think that they can do what they like when it comes to feelings, without thinking about the limits or consequences, and that they can act carelessly, and underestimate the value of the other party, without fear of its reaction, waiting for that friend, partner or relative to He forgives them every time.

One example is that a close friend may reveal our secrets to other people, believing that we will not be angry, and that the husband or wife may make important decisions without consulting or telling the partner, the reason for this is that they take matters simply unconcerned about the role of the other party.

Ending praise for a son's achievement without remembering his siblings causing psychological pain (Getty Images)

They harm us and do not realize the extent of our pain
The author calls to ask another important question, "Was our loved one who caused us suffering aware of what we are going through?" One example is that parents sometimes exaggerate the praises of one of the children’s accomplishments, and omit the encouragement and thanks of his brother, without them being aware that this behavior causes him great psychological pain.

That is why each person must protect himself, by clarifying the red lines and controls that cannot be crossed, and by conveying a message that intolerance to those who cause us pain and belittles us, because it is unacceptable that others continue to harm our feelings without telling them to. According to the writer’s advice.

Unbalanced relationships are a sure source of passive dependency (Getty Images)

We may be wrong to raise our expectations
Perhaps the problem is in the victim who is being abused, and the reason is that the relationships between people are based on interconnectedness and trust, and sometimes we get addicted to the relationship with the person we love, and we accept to stay by his side despite the suffering he causes us.

Another reason is that we are satisfied with emotional harm because of our lack of self-esteem, as we are waiting for the other side to provide us with the attention, love and appreciation that we lack, and this type of unbalanced relationships is a sure source of pain and negative dependence.

The author advises all those who have been subjected to emotional and psychological suffering because of the poisoned relationships to ask themselves these important questions, and to think about the various options before them.

They must also think about whether this relationship deserves sacrifice and patience, just as they need to enhance their self-esteem, and take care of themselves to enhance their appearance and personality, and they must always remember that abuse and pain are unacceptable even in love.