Paris (AFP)
A few clicks and photos that are scrolled ... At the time of Tinder, Happn and other dating applications, Marie Bergström, sociologist at INED, deconstructs some received ideas about (heterosexual) love among the French , still attached to "the conjugal norm".
The end of the monogamous couple?
"There is this misconception that the new standards of fulfillment, of self-realization, would have weakened the couple. This is not so much the case.
Today, the conjugal norm is stronger than ever, even if we can + couple + in different ways (married, not married, living together or not, polyamorous couples, etc.). There is a very strong injunction to get married in your thirties, and a large majority of people experience conjugality.
Celibacy is certainly important, but it is rarely a life project because the couple remains very associated with the image of happiness. "
What about sex?
"There is an increase in the number of sexual partners among the French but no sudden increase with the internet. We cannot speak of a change in sexual paradigm. Furthermore, if the marital norm is very strong, there is also an increase expectation of sexual life, with intercourse at a higher age. There is a tension around that.
Before, the couple was built on something else: it was primarily a matrimonial and family institution. Today, it is above all a link between two people, where sexuality has become fundamental: it is the proof that we love each other, with the consequence of this fear that if we have less sexual intercourse, it would be the sign of a "weakened couple".
More infidelities?
"The French are more open than in the past to the idea that the adventures are not necessarily serious. But there has not been a sharp increase in unfaithful relationships, and especially no explosion with the internet. exclusivity (love and sex) has on the contrary a new role: it has become a proof of commitment.
It is fairly new in France to have a conversation around exclusivity: before that went without saying. Entering into a couple involved acts such as kissing or having sexual intercourse, and exclusivity was implicit.
Today, we are in a relationship when we present ourselves as such, and when we say that we are exclusive. There are other models of course, but the majority standard is that being in a relationship means not going elsewhere. "
The end of romanticism?
"The model of romantic love dates from the 19th century but I am very struck by the longevity of the imagination around blind love, fortuitous encounters, fate, the idea of singularity versus that of interchangeable partners ...
However, love has never worked like this: the meeting is not made at random, love is not disinterested, there have always been economic logics.
Dating apps show these logics, but they didn't invent them. We read a lot that with these services, it's the end of love. But this criticism shows above all our adherence to the ideal of love. To say that love is no more is another way of proclaiming what it should be. "
In 2013-2014, 9% of couples were formed through dating applications, according to INED. A rate that has necessarily climbed since that time.
A market making outcasts?
"Inequalities in the face of dating, it is a reality offline and on the internet. Age is a first factor of discrimination: according to the moments of life, women and men do not have the same facility to establish contact.
Social class is another. Today, there is a real emotional exclusion of men from working-class backgrounds: a significant proportion of them remain single throughout their lives. Weakly qualified, they are disqualified not only on the job market but also in love and sexual exchanges ".
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