Paris (AFP)

"My teenager watches so many nonsense on YouTube", "if I let him do it, he would play online all night": during "parents' cafes" or workshop discussions, more and more adults s question how to regulate the time spent in front of the screens by their offspring ... while sometimes becoming aware of their own addictions.

In a workshop organized in Paris by the family allowance fund for around twenty parents, Christophe, in his forties, sums up: "We all want to find balanced use. How to go from complete control to autonomy , to a situation where we can trust young people? "

For most parents, the challenge is not only to limit the time spent by adolescents or pre-adolescents in front of the screen of their smartphone, tablet or computer, but also to instill in them principles of prudence in the use of social networks or concerning the dangers of cyberbullying or conspiracy.

It is to encourage such reflection on the "daily management of screens" that the family allowance funds offer, in many cities, workshops or coffee-meetings.

In partnership with Clemi, the national education structure responsible for media education, the CAF have also just put online a new series of ten educational videos featuring an "all-screen family", struggling with his questions about cyberbullying or the exposure of the youngest to violent images. A first series of 15 episodes had been viewed six million times on the web at the end of 2018.

"There is a strong demand from families on this theme," says Barbara Mouret, a "parental coach" who runs workshops all over France, organized by social centers, CAFs or communities.

- "No need for all that" -

The parents, she continues, feel trapped between two contradictory injunctions. On the one hand, an increasingly disconcerting ambient discourse on the need to limit the use of screens by young people. On the other, a mastery of digital tools perceived as essential, to the point that one cannot turn off the wi-fi in the evening at home, because children must connect to a school app to do their homework.

Faced with this, parents are groping, exchanging their experiences. "The most complicated thing is when my son is chatting online with a friend whose parents do not impose the same rules on him. How do you tell him + that's enough now, drop your phone +, while his boyfriend has no restrictions? "wonders Laurence, one of the participants in the Parisian workshop which AFP attended.

"My 14 year old son uses three or four screens at the same time. It impresses me, for me it's too much ... I don't understand anymore," laments Christophe.

Other parents take the opportunity to question their own practices: "I also happen to watch my phone and the TV at the same time. I'm scared myself, we don't need all that!" , recognizes Audrey. "I resist, my daughter is 15 years old and still no smartphone. I am addicted to cell phones, I don't want her to be like me," says Naïma.

Some people put things into perspective and try to see the bright side: "I have the impression that my son is more mature than me at his age. He knows a lot of things, which the youtubers explained to him. At ten years old, he knew what product placement is! "laughs Laure.

Anyway, "there is no magic wand" to resolve any conflicts, find the right rules and enforce them, reassures the "coach".

"What works well is to establish a kind of family hygiene, by ensuring times and places. We can say for example + no screen at the table +, or even + in the evening, nobody watches a screen before falling asleep +. And of course, if we set such a rule, then that applies to everyone, children and parents alike! "

© 2020 AFP