Sophie, 52, has been working at the hospital since she was 18 years old. Ten years ago, she became the caregiver of her mother with Alzheimer's disease because she refused to send her to a retirement home and kept her at home "until her last breath ". Things got complicated when, in 2016, Sophie burned because of her work pace, losing half of her salary. Sophie's mother died two years ago and her aunt a year ago, causing a relapse. At five years of retirement, she laments the working conditions at the hospital and is still struggling to recover from the accumulated exhaustion in recent years, as she confided to Olivier Delacroix.
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"I decided to take care of Mom because I knew it was her wish.Before she was sick, she took care of an aunt of hers, who was in a retirement home for more than sixteen years. It had completely shaken her because she told me that as soon as she passed by, everybody would ask her things: 'kiss, talk to us.' She also told me 'you realize, some have had eight or nine children and they do not see them. "She repeated," I do not want to die there, I want to die at once, I do not want to grow old and live in a retirement home ".
At first, I visited some of them, I was bad with that. I did not smell it, the places, the smells, everything. I felt like I was going to lock him up. My mother had also kept her own grandmother at home until her death. It is a logical continuation. Before, parents stayed with their children and I restored the same thing without realizing it. In France, we no longer have this tradition with our parents. I took care of her with the help of two auxiliaries of life and I do not regret it. If I had to do it again, I would do it again, I could not have looked in the face and let it go otherwise.
Heard on europe1:
One becomes parent of one's parent
My mother did not like walking, she was not the type to escape or leave. But I worked, I had staggered hours. I was fortunate to find some excellent auxiliaries, without whom I could not have done that. Auxiliary life, it allowed him to continue sleeping in the morning and not to be in a pace of retirement home, she had her own pace. She could finally sleep while years ago she could not sleep. There I could finally respect his sleep. If she wanted to sleep until 10am, she could.
She had a quality of life, it's something we're all looking for. The first assistant arrived in the morning and she adapted to her rhythm. We tried the shower, and if it did not happen, we did otherwise, we had breakfast. If you had to take him for a stroll, you'd take him for a walk, if you had to do something you did it. We did everything for her. It's in us, it's like a mother who hears her little cry at night, she does not need to wake up, she will hear him cry. One becomes parent of one's parent.
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A psychiatrist told me that burnout did not exist
My burn out started in September 2016. My doctor told me it was a burnout, but did not want to do the proper paperwork. He told me it was not supported. If we had simply labeled 'depression by burnout', it passed. I saw a lot of other doctors treating to pass in medical commission who told me: 'We could quite make this paper'. But in committee, I came across a psychiatrist who told me that burnout did not exist, in 2017.
I went back to work for ten months and I flinched because I could not continue my work, even in half-time therapy. I had a relapse on December 24th, so I'm off again. I relapsed because in the process, I lost my aunt, the older sister of mom, who was in retirement home. She died of the same disease. I went to see her every other day and she died a year, day after day, after her sister.
I went back to committee this year and I came across the same psychiatrist who told me the same thing, and he told me it was a depression. I replied that 'no, depressions, I had already done and I, in depression, with psychotherapy treatments, I work'. I was in complete exhaustion, I had taken forty years in one day.
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It is the spirit that has advanced the body
I lost half of my salary for eighteen months. Usually, I earn 2,100 euros a month. My half-salary, I completed it with the money I had set aside for my retirement. I reworked in March 2018 because financially I did not hold anymore. I spent all my savings to live and pay for mom's help.
At the same time, when you do not see what's around, you keep your head on the handlebars and you always find the resources you need. I was conditioned, it was the spirit that made the body move forward: I wanted to get up so I got there. That's why two years later I'm still not 100% back.
Today I say to myself: 'How could I do that, being totally exhausted?' There are times when I could not even make myself eat, climb three steps exhausted me. Thinking and making decisions was impossible, yet I could do it. The weekend, especially, where I was alone with mom, because I told the auxiliaries to take their weekend. In the last year she was more and more tired, she slept quite often because of the disease. When she slept, I slept. I was in the sofa bed in the living room, it avoided me to have a floor to go down.
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Over eight hours, we stay ten minutes with a patient
The job became grueling. In addition to me, until now, I had fallen into services where there was good relations with executives. There we are not listened to, we are adding patients who do not correspond to the service. There is always more paperwork. Eight hours remain with a patient for ten minutes. The cadres are also under increasing pressure, it is the 'meetingite acute'.
Emergencies are right to strike right now, but it's not just emergencies. It's all the hospital service, caregivers to nurses that must be upgraded, not just a premium for the Paris region and not only for young people, who will win more than us. Eight years ago I was at 1,800 euros, even now, with 2,100 euros, five years of retirement, I do not go out. It's a misery. Saturday is paid as a normal day, we are asked more and more to do nights.
The conditions have deteriorated because we are removing beds. The patients are not out yet that they are already replaced. But at the same time we have sophisticated equipment. The infusions were in glass, now they are plastic. I knew the beds that had to be cranked, now it's electric. So there are improvements, but not on everything. Some things have not changed in twenty years.
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I need to give because when I give I get
The new generation of nurses is not as motivated as we were. If one did not come one wondered who would replace her at short notice and go eight hours longer. Today it is 'help, we call the unions'. We do not have the same way of working anymore. For me it was a passion, it's a passion. I have considered changing, but I can not do it. I need to give because when I give I get.
I took care of my mother because I was so busy with people in the hospital that I thought, 'It would be a shame I can not take care of my mother'. When it happened, it was obvious to me. I do not regret it, even if two years later I'm still exhausted. "