EUROPE 1 ACCOMPANES YOU
This is a delicate subject for all parents: how to address the subject of sexuality with his children? Aurélien, 21, has never spoken with his family. This lack of discussion has marked the young man, who is worried about having trouble talking about sex. How can he remedy this situation? And, more broadly, how can you talk about sex with your child? The sexologist Catherine Blanc answers the question in the show "Sans Rendez-Vous" on Europe 1.
The question of Aurélien, 21 years old:
"My parents did not talk about sex when I was little, so I'm having a hard time talking about it today, how do I fix that today, when I'm an adult?"
Catherine Blanc's answer
Is one obliged to talk about sexuality to his child?
No of course not. A whole generation spoke out on this issue, because parents did not talk about sex. Before the 1970s, there was no talk of sex. From the 1970s on, it was question of talking about it, and as soon as a family did not have this communication one received patients who said to suffer from it. But we also get traumatized patients because their parents talked to them about sexuality.
It does not matter what parents say. It's hard to talk about sex with your parents, because we're afraid it's arousing excitement or curiosity, and it's mixing our parents with that excitement and curiosity. The idea that it could trigger something Oedipal, or incestual. If parents forbid talking about it, it's something else. But not talking about it is also letting children glean their information and curiosity by themselves.
If parents do not talk about sex, is not the risk that it is pornography that educates them?
Yes you are right. The world of porn has returned to the everyday life of people. It's not like when you have to take incredible steps to access pornographic images. Today, Aurélien has not had a speech about sexuality, he can say that he can learn to put words on it.
But do we have to talk about sexuality?
No, we do not have to. We are entitled to our modesty, we do not all have the same competence to welcome words, because they carry our fantasies. We must respect the modesty of each one. Not to speak about it does not mean to say a prohibition. Aurélien's parents did not lay a taboo, they respected his modesty. He can think about what he wants to communicate or not, in the respect of his own modesty.
If we are uncomfortable to talk about it, can we give a child a discreet condom before he goes to a party, for example?
It's complicated to do so, it's giving an injection to make love. Saying: 'If you ever wanted, here's something to protect you', it's not the same as slipping the condom and implicitly say 'you should do it'. If you are uncomfortable to talk to your child, it is rather a godfather, a godmother, someone close to the child and in peace, to say it in a humorous and flexible way.