The soul of a suicide survivor detonates when he learns that his loved one has decided to leave. The explosion of pain unleashed puts the person in the anteroom of a duel full of questions. "I no longer wonder if I could have done something," says Silvia Moya, "because I have come to understand that it was his way of ending and I have to accept it."
Moya lost his father in January 2017. He was 63 years old, two children, grandchildren. But he decided for himself that he no longer wanted to live. His daughter had no choice but to face suffering for that loss. She had just become a survivor. "It took me months to understand what happened," Moya reflects, "the pain left me nullified. He was the most important person in my life and I reproached myself many times for not saving him ». Until, little by little, he drew strength "because he didn't want to leave the others." The others were her son, her husband, the rest of the family, who became their hooks to life.
Suicide is the first cause of unnatural death in Spain, also in the Balearic Islands, a community where the testimonies of this report are collected. A total of 103 people died from this cause in 2017 in the Islands according to the National Statistics Institute (INE). That same year, 48 people died in traffic accidents in the archipelago. It was necessary for the World Health Organization to call on institutions to give birth to this silenced scourge. That hurts for two, those who decide to leave, crushed by their multiple causes, and those who stay here, faced with the sudden emptiness and misunderstanding. The latter, also double, his own and that of others. They become "triple victims," said the head of the Suicide Observatory, Nicole Haber, "because they must deal with the loss, stigma and rethinking of what has been done or not done."
"You lose your brother, but also your closest reference," explains Xisca Morell. His little brother decided that he would no longer live. Suddenly and without alternative, she had to face that fraternal emptiness that if something offered, it was pain. And he had to grab the reins of his family. «With his departure, I also lost my parents. Today, they don't usually talk about him, only sometimes. Each one faces it at his own pace because it is a very personal process, ”he reflects. Tax the emotional earthquake that involves the dismissal of a relative for suicidal behavior, «you have to find your place again. You are looking for a way to move forward without the usual support ».
invest in prevention
Stunned Nicole Haber, responsible for the Balearic Suicide Observatory, when she looked at the pace of registration for a day to prevent suicidal behavior in children. Of the 200 places offered at the Son Llàtzer Hospital, after a few hours, twice as many applications were found on the waiting list. More than 400 people wanted to know more about this topic. Overflowed, the event moved to Trui Teatre de Palma and registered 800 attendees.
Suicide has been hidden for decades by stigma, taboo, shame, and omniferous interference from religion. The expert Nicole Haber defends that it can be prevented and emphasizes the importance of observing the signals. Immersed in the preparation of a Prevention Plan in the Islands, which brings together organizations such as the IB-Salut, 061 or Social Services, to name a few, refers to the health circuits to monitor the patient.
There are no concrete answers to why suicidal behavior. Assimilating this is also the first step for surviving family members. Not everyone suffers from mental illness, it is not an impulsive act, it does not want to attract attention or affect a specific population group. "Someone may be in a moment of extreme vulnerability due to some vital circumstance," says Haber. The appearance of an unexpected borderline situation, the first signs of a depression may be warning signs. "If someone starts to isolate themselves and abandons activities that they liked before, it may be a trigger," argues the expert, "that person can feel alone internally. Then, disappointed with the environment until it reaches the limit. There is then a distortion of thought that can lead us to think about it here, mine are not mine ». Or that you have an adaptive disorder, such as a divorce. Or that a mental illness "breaks your vital project".
Xisca Morell's brother tried several times and completed it with 28 years. “Everything was a consequence of a tree of difficulties. His behavior was dysfunctional, he began to think and verbalize that he did not want to live, ”Morell recalls. She talks about work, family and social fronts that he did not know how to face. Until one day, from thought to fact. What precipitated it? "A droplet that filled the glass," Morell replies briefly.
The droplet that filled Moya's father's glass was a personal issue. "He could not bear the suffering," says his daughter, "you must understand and accept it. Because they don't want to die, they want to stop suffering. It belongs to a family that obeys the pattern of the contagion effect. It reveals that she, 7 years old, stopped her mother. That she was 15 years old, suffered an attempt. Her husband tried too. "The subject was chasing me, until in the end it happened with my father," he explains. "If counting it serves to recover a life, I'm going to tell it as many times as necessary," he warns.
This report follows the guidelines of the WHO and does not cite the methods used or deepen the details of the suicidal act.
Support groups
- AFASIB. Xisca Morell launched the Association of Relatives and Surviving Friends for Suicide in the Balearic Islands (AFASIB). It serves almost 50 families and Morell created it "due to the lack of therapeutic tools." They organize meetings and have woven a support network in the Islands. It can be found on social networks.
- Duel. To process his pain, Silvia Moya launched a Facebook group of Support of People Affected by Suicide in Mallorca to accompany the grieving process. In it, share your experience.
- 'Great loneliness'. The accompaniment among survivors helps to overcome the duel in most cases because among equals they do empathize. Those outside that experience “do not want or know how to listen. There is a great loneliness ».
According to the criteria of The Trust Project
Know more- Balearics
Rana Foundation Breaking the Taboo of Child Sexual Abuse
Balearic Islands: An 85-year-old man is arrested for stabbing another of 80 after a quarrel in a residence
InterviewJoan Pons: "The Mallorcan is more authentic than the standard Catalan of Barcelona"