“That was me.” The twins and triplets' mothers cry

“That could have been me.” The twins and triplets' mothers cried Nov. 8 at 20:13

Meals once a day. I can't even go to the hospital if my teeth and ears hurt. It's not a distant world. It is happening to people who are raising "multifetuses" such as twins and triplets in this country. Attracted attention to the reality of the harsh child-rearing after an Aichi prefecture mother killed one of her triplets. Of course, it is not permissible to hurt children. But do you know that many mothers feel that it was me? (Network reporter reporter Momoko Ariyoshi)

Sad confession one after another ...

“I could only think of it as being completely neurological and backward. I cried every day. ''
"I don't know how many times I thought I would kill my child ..."

“It ’s really painful to read aloud.”

A conference held on the 7th of this month in the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare.
A woman who conducted a questionnaire on the Internet sometimes read the results with tears.

The conference was held by Mr. Katoyo Ichikura of “Meeting for Supporting Multiple Breeding”.
Ichikura himself raises two children in Tokyo.

The reason for conducting the questionnaire was that I witnessed the difficulty of a friend who gave birth to twins.

"When the twins were crying and chased, when I heard that she could sometimes stay in the closet and wait for the time to pass, I think this is beyond some level of friendship and family hard work. (Mr. Ichikura)

Voices of 1591 people arrived at midnight

Mr. Ichikura started a questionnaire to listen to the voices of the parties through the Internet in order to convey the difficulties in raising multiple fetuses in a visible way.

Calls for cooperation were made mainly through SNS.

As a result, 1591 people responded.
It was far beyond expectations.

Many people responded after 9pm at night and some of them at 2 or 3am at midnight.

Mr. Ichikura says that this alone has proved how difficult it is to have multiple babies and how much time he can't have.

Too painful cry ...

What was more surprising was that the content received was so sad.

“There is a day when meals are only served once a day. I endured the toilet and even an adult leaked it.”
“Both parents can't go to the dentist because they are far away, reach the nerves and pull out their teeth.”
“One day, my ears hurt too much, but I still had to take two people to the hospital.

Can you imagine? Every day of the last minute

Every day's harsh life kept my parents at the limit.

“I have no energy or time to raise my voice. I notice the problem when a fatal accident or incident occurs. If you have multiple babies, everyone can endure at the last minute.” Can you imagine how much you can't escape from crying all day after sleeping for 3 hours?

Even a statement like a confession of abuse

There were also descriptions of serious content.

"Every day is war. I'm mad and want to die. I know my feelings of abuse."
“Sometimes I just threw my child before Neurose”

I asked the experienced person

I was able to listen to Naomi Tsunoda who lives in Tokyo who answered Ichikura's questionnaire.

For those who suffer now

Naomi and her husband Katsuhiko are raising twin girls.
Now that the two have passed 3 and a half years old, childcare seems to have become a little easier, but now they want to do what they can for those who are suffering from multiple births.

Naomi says that he has temporarily fallen into childcare neurosis.

The reason was that it was difficult to go out with twins and there was almost no opportunity to talk with adults.
In the midst of being hunted down in a lonely environment, seeing child-rearing in another family at SNS made it decisive.

"I'm enviable when I'm going to a cafe with a stroller and taking a rest today" or "Kyo is a homemade snack". ”If I have n’t been out of this room for a month, I ’m crying today, or the timing is bad and I ’m going to spit out the milk,”

The difficulty that began when I was in the stomach

When he found out that the children in the stomach were twins, he felt that he had somehow felt like he had won a lottery.

However, Naomi had to realize the difficulty of multiple births during pregnancy.

I was 8 months pregnant and my tummy size was the same as the first month when I had one baby.
I couldn't see my feet, fell, and I was scared because my blood didn't stop.

Naomi's abdominal girth, about 1 meter and 50 centimeters tall, exceeded 1 meter when she was 9 months pregnant.

From that point on, until the children were 1 year old, they were almost withdrawn.

I can't remember those days ...

I was surprised when Naomi and her husband, Katsuhiko, answered “I don't have much memory” when I asked about the serious points of child-rearing.

Naomi “Did you eat rice or something? You bought a lunch box and came home to eat. I did n’t make it?”
Katsuhiko-san "Is that so? Have you ever eaten a bento? Did you make it?"
Naomi "I don't remember"
Katsuhiko "I don't have memory"

Nursing and changing diapers dozens of times

When I had a childcare diary showing my life at that time, each twin had breastfeeded about 10 times a day and their diapers were changed more than 20 times.

“You can't sleep between breastfeeding, your child is crying, washing baby bottles, lots of laundry, and the whole bed must be washed when milk is spit out” ( Naomi)

Even if there is help, it is like being alone ...

You can go home, have both parents stay at home to help you, or call a helper assisted by the local government.
Naomi-san and Katsuhiko-san borrowed all possible help, and Katsuhiko-san, who was busy, worked as much as possible.

However, Naomi often has only three with a baby, and the feeling of loneliness has increased.

“My husband is rather supportive, but when I get tired of coming home from work at night, my child may not cry, so I'm alone, and I don't notice how close I am. I remember I cried the night, and sometimes I thought it would be easier to die in the fight against loneliness, but after giving this milk or after changing the diaper Let ’s try ... ”(Naomi)

“I didn't think it would be so difficult, so I gave priority to work at that time.” (Mr. Katsuhiko)

I could see the light with "nostalgic"

Naomi and Katsuhiko were saved by “nostalgic” friends who came to see the situation every month.

He researched information about the nursery school and he told me how to write application forms.
Both of them were able to enter the same nursery school before the age of one.

"I've been walking through a dark tunnel since I got twins, and at one point I noticed that I was walking along the cliff with two people, but it should be holding hands next to me. Her husband didn't know if she was really holding hands, and was worried that she would pull her when she was about to fall off the cliff, but when she got a phone call when the nursery was decided, the exit was over there! I thought I could see it! "(Naomi)

The children are alive today

A sentence written by Katsuhiko in the nursery school's contact book symbolized the difficulty at the time.

“It was a day that was helped by the brightness and care of the teachers. I realized how difficult it is to become a child from a baby. Thanks to the teachers, the two children are alive today.” One sentence of the contact book written by Katsuhiko)

"I think I wouldn't be here now without a nursery. I thought my husband was thinking that way too. I read this and I was the mother of those triplets that I could have killed. I thought it might have been "(Naomi)

I want to help my parents

After the twins grew a little larger, Naomi made use of his work as a designer, created a childcare diary for twins, and put it on a site selling handmade items.

Although it is possible to write only one person in a normal childcare diary, we have made it possible to keep records of breastfeeding, changing diapers, and sleeping for two people on the same page.

In addition, the mother's sleep time can be recorded.

"If you look objectively, 'I can only sleep for two hours a day', then you will notice that you are not living a normal human life and you can rely on your husband and others. (Naomi)

Some of the mothers who bought it say “I am sorry for my mother” and “I have to do my best”.

"I'm crying at that time and I think I'm here. I've always been thinking that I can reduce the number of moms that are struggling. The hardest part is the limited period, so spend your money. However, I would like you to have time to call people and talk to adults, sleep without feeling guilty, and it is essential for fathers to cooperate and to gain an understanding of the workplace. If you give up, your father will be taken care of, and your mother's mental state will be stable.The important thing is to keep your parents healthy so that they can live every day. ”

Midwife becomes twin parent

I was able to hear from the mother who answered another questionnaire by Mr. Ichikura.

Kaori Yonezawa, as a midwife, is a specialist who has helped care for mothers and babies who gave birth to twins.

I am raising my eldest son and three twins who are 1 year old.

Since I had child-rearing experience and understood the difficulties of twin child-rearing, I prepared support for my husband and parents.

However, the difficulty of the twins was beyond my imagination.

Babies who gave birth at 37 weeks are smaller, about 2300 grams and 2400 grams.

One of them was admitted to the hospital for about a month after giving birth, and began living to deliver breast milk to another in the hospital while looking at one at home.

However, it is said that it was after both patients were discharged that was more difficult.

“I thought it was harder for me to go to the hospital, but when I had two children, I suddenly couldn't do anything. If I was breastfeeding and changing diapers, the day was over, and who was breastfeeding? I didn't know if I did poop or whether it was yesterday.I was confused because I was growing with a mixture of breast milk and milk, and when I was my eldest son I was able to judge as a midwife However, I suddenly lost it. ”(Mr. Yonezawa)

“Professional” with the help of “Pro”

Ms. Yonezawa, who had no idea what to do, was admitted to a postpartum care hospital with the help of the local government and decided to use another professional helper.

“Twins are often born small, but small children are not good at drinking boobs, so it was very hard to raise them and milk them, and to give them milk. There is an image that postpartum care hospitalization is resting, but it was nice to have you think about what to do after going home. ”(Mr. Yonezawa)

I realized for the first time

Mr. Yonezawa began to look back on whether he had been able to provide sufficient support so far as a midwife.

I don't think it's possible to have multiple births while doing housework alone, and I feel that what is important is assistance for hospitalization for postpartum care and detailed support by midwives and public health nurses.

“First of all, we need human resources, and I would like to review how we can support the difficulties of raising children that are unique to multiple births, and that we can only accept administrative support unless we go to the counter.” (Mr. Yonezawa)

The hard feeling everyone has

In a questionnaire conducted by Mr. Ichikura, 93% of respondents answered that their feelings were depressed or depressed, and they had negative emotions toward their children.

In addition, when you listen to multiple scenes where you feel that you are experiencing difficulty in childcare,
▽ 89% say "It is difficult to go out and move."
▽ Many people felt various burdens with 77% of their own lack of sleep and poor physical condition and their own time.

I need social help

Mr. Ichikura, who conducted the questionnaire, will work with government agencies to reduce the burden on parents of multiple fetuses, with the cooperation of NPO corporations at work.

In particular,
▽ Make sure that multiple fetuses are given priority in the nursery,
▽ Make temporary childcare easier to use,
▽ When using the bus in a large stroller, consideration by public transportation such that it is possible to get on without having to accumulate,
I want to ask.

Supporting irreplaceable childcare

With the spread of infertility treatment, the rate of giving birth to multiple fetuses is increasing.
There is also data that every year, about 100 pregnant women become multifetal mothers.

In order to protect the lives of babies and their parents, we should expand our support so that child-rearing, which should be fun, does not become difficult.