EUROPE 1 ACCOMPANES YOU
How can one find the strength to forgive one's (a) spouse after an extramarital affair? More difficult still: once this forgiveness granted, how to rebuild it completely? What credit should be given to the word of one who swears to love you and who, nevertheless, went elsewhere? Wednesday, in Without Rendez-Vous , the Europe Health show 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc looks at adultery.
The question of Marianne, 43
"I discovered that my husband had cheated on me for several months, with the same woman, it was very painful, but he assured me that he loved me, and that he had never loved her, I feel ready not to hold it against him, do you think he is sincere? "
Catherine Blanc's answer
"We may not be in love, but be very longing for someone who animates our fantasies, reveals an aspect of self that opens a field of possibilities, and without it being a person with whom we want to settle down, to build something, if not eroticism.
What value to give to this type of misbehavior?
This adventure raises the question of the cohabitation between love and sexuality; you can love your wife and not be driven by desire or erotic creativity. Conversely, we may not like a woman and be particularly creative, particularly excited, in the desire to build things, but not on a social or relational level.
For Marianne, knowing that her husband would not be in love is almost a license to adultery. She makes love the essence of the relationship, and seems to give an anecdotal character to sexuality. When it comes to sex for sex, we would move away from all that is human: the feeling, the value given to the other ... this one did not have sexuality. And yet, sexuality is something particularly intimate and deeply human.
Can couples become fully confident after deception?
One can say that who has deceived will deceive, in the sense that he who knows the path of deception and opportunity will have plenty of time to take this path. But starting from this principle, it would be necessary to eradicate psychology. There is in man a capacity to learn from what is, not in the name of morality, but of comfort and personal fulfillment.
In a relationship, if a man is attached to a woman, he really is. And if he is fighting to say that he did not like the previous one, whether it's true or not, the fact is that he is fighting to preserve his relationship. That's what's important: that he's ready to do anything for it. Maybe it will only last for a while, until he gets back on track ... But if you do not believe in it, you can not register with each other. Nobody can say: 'Fountain I will not drink of your water' ... neither you nor me. "