English has a neologism, sexpectations , which is good when it comes to delving into why pure and hard penetration is considered real sex and all those dressings that precede, the so-called preliminary, are nothing more than a mere procedure, something that must be overcome to get to the core. Big mistake.

It is perhaps understandable; intercourse serves to reproduce and this is the meaning that, historically, has been given to the sexual act. What does not work out is acceptable, at least now. Historically, "the sexual model that is transmitted is coitocentrist, heterocentrist, phallocentrist and macho, of course," argues the Asturian sexologist Ivan Rotella.

These are some of the reasons that, today, we continue perpetuating a sexual behavior model of centuries ago; At least that is what Rotella, a member of the State Association of Sexology Professionals (AEPS), specializes in sex education for children and adolescents, who are especially concerned with professionals because «progress is hampered by easy access to porn at ages without critical sense none ».

In girls, on the other hand, Rotella believes that «they are increasingly aware that this erotic is not theirs and they claim that erotic pleasure of their own. It would be necessary to educate so that a satisfactory encounter between sexes takes place ”, proposes.

And it is not trivial because, according to sexologist Patricia Díaz Saco , there are many "women who do not see coitus as principal but practice it because they believe that sex is like that." «Not everyone lives this way in intimacy and, nevertheless, every erotic that does not revolve around penetration is considered second ; There are people with vaginismus and they are sold that do not have real sex, that their relationships are not real, this generates pressure and affects self-esteem, even though many of them consider that they have an absolutely satisfactory erotic, ”he adds.

There are many other elements that perpetuate this idea: «The mistaken belief that lesbians, if they have not had penetration, have not practiced sex; women who do not experience orgasms because intercourse is not the best practice for female orgasm; people who acquire a disability after a hemiplegia, for example, and are directed towards chastity ... ».

But men are not exempt. Diana Fernández Saro maintains , at the head of the Afrodisia sexological cabinet, that “the idea is widespread and both sexes suffer it; men with the anguishing obligation of erection and women with the unsatisfactory experience of the reproductive and masculine model of power ».

Freud also has some responsibility, continues this professional, when he points out that «by labeling those women who did not have orgasms with penetration, ignoring the female anatomical reality, invisible the clitoris and its only function, female pleasure, caused a lot of damage ».

How to reverse codes? Sexologists converge: "education, education and education." "People should know that the problem is not in them but in the model itself, and that intercourse is one more practice, but not the only valid one and should not be mitigated," says Díaz Saco.

That is to say, we should banish the idea that there is a "right sex," qualifies sexologist Iris Martínez, "and that everything else is lewdness and vice." «A distinction is made between preliminaries and real sex, and change must begin in the classroom and continue in the culture. Cinema also conveys this idea and porn perpetuates it. Sex, like everything else in this life, is learned », culminates.

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

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