EUROPE 1 ACCOMPANES YOU
Many young people feel that the first sexual intercourse will definitively mark the entry into adulthood. But for some, an unfortunate experience can leave wounds difficult to heal. On Wednesday, in Sans rendez-vous, the program Santé d'Europe 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc explains how not to let a "first time" define the rest of her sex life.
Sylvie's question, 38 years old
"My first time was done in an emergency, it was necessary to get rid of this creepy virginity, to free me.Indeed the person and the situation.Today I regret the situation and the profit that this boy made of How can I repair this wound that I harbor in me and that alienates my sexuality? "
Catherine Blanc's answer
"Often, when our sexuality wades, we look at the past to find the origin of the problem.The first time is a first time, with what it can have great or not formidable.What was great for Sylvie, c was daring to start, which is a shame is to have made it first, without knowing what she was doing, with whom, why, but it does not matter. nevertheless at the origin of this moment, no one has constrained it.On the contrary, we must learn from this situation, and say that we also deserve to make choices in which we recognize ourselves.
Sylvie has written a story in which sexuality is not an expression of pleasure. She did not make love because she wanted to make love, but to get rid of that shameful thing that would be virgin. She did it with anyone, as if she had to give this awful thing to a stranger. Conversely, another woman will want to do it in a novel way: give her flower to who is up to receive it.
Do women place more importance on their first time than men?
The women can be inhabited by the idea that they have a hymen that they will lose in the first report, as if it were a sacred object that they will give to someone. Men are not concerned by this scenario, it is only for them to move from incompetence to competence; you must have been denied to be able to do something. They do not put the same affect on historical aspects. Women are sacralised the first time because they have been sacralized for them. They make this moment as if it were necessary to do it with someone who is up to it, who respects them, who loves them. Of course, it's always better when things go like this. But we can also say that we tell our own story, and we do it with someone first because we respect each other and not because the other respect us.
Can a failed first time generate trauma?
People who do not recover often have a particular idea of sexuality up front, the impression that they will not be able to do something interesting. The first time becomes the demonstration and all the times that follow too.
To go beyond that, one has to wonder about the value that one could give oneself: does one consider one's femininity as something respectable? From there, we have to go to someone who represents what we can promise to be good for ourselves, and try to write a story that is pretty enough to leave behind what has not been achieved.
Many girls, for example, will do it when they are on vacation, abroad. As if we had to leave it far behind, after having done it with someone we will not see again ... "