8 ways to teach you to express your thoughts without irritating others

The best way to have a tough conversation safely is to let go of your defensive positions, and to know how you can express your feelings and penetrate your defensive tendency, enabling you to treat many problems and resolve them before they get worse. When you feel you have strong emotions, it will not be easy for you to express them in an open and direct manner.

Here are eight ways that you can express your ideas and break through defensive tendencies when you address them, according to writer Susan McQuillan in an article published in the journal "Psychology Today."

1. Avoid blame
Avoid using phrases that show that you are blaming the opposite person. Psychotherapist Alison Cohen encourages her patients to avoid using phrases such as: "Why did you do that?"; "Why didn't you do it ?;" or "You should ...".

Instead, use phrases like: "How do you feel about ...?", "What do you think about ...?", "I really like it if ...", or "I felt resentful when ...", Or "Can we ...?". Because words are always important, they either open or close the horizon of dialogue.

2. Be honest
You have to be honest with yourself and others, so don't hesitate to tell the truth to yourself and the other party.

3. Recognize your mistakes
Acknowledge your mistakes even if it's difficult for you, and don't make others hang on your mistakes.

4. Talk about your feelings and actions, not about the other
This way you will avoid putting the other person on the defensive. For example, if the interviewee stated that when he was young his parents forced him to apply unfair rules, tell him what I felt when I was a child, and how I experienced similar situations, rather than accusing him of bad behavior.

5. Be ready to hear the other's point
You should be ready to hear the opposite person's point of view, listen carefully to what they are saying, and try to feel what they feel and go through.

6. Express your feelings, not the problem
Be sure to focus on expressing your feelings, rather than on the actual problem.Use phrases like "feel" or "feel" more often, to avoid finding yourself in a confrontational situation with the opposite party.

7. If you feel angry, hurry to end the conversation
Alison advises that if you feel angry or the person you are talking to, you should hurry to end the conversation and suggest postponing it again, since it is beginning to turn negative. That will give the other party a sense of confidence that these problems will be solved and will not be overlooked.

8. Get ready to hear the other party
Just as you forgive yourself making some mistakes try to be tolerant of the opposite person and overcome the problem.

If you find yourself unable to have a direct conversation to discuss the issues in your mind, you may be able to write your thoughts on a sheet of paper, which will allow you to vent your feelings and get them out of your mind and heart.

The writer noted that this step may not be enough for you because it will not allow you to solve the problem at the time, but it may be a step in the right direction, because writing can help you clarify your thoughts and vent your anger.