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This Tuesday, September 3rd begins at Matignon the Grenelle of domestic violence. Violence affecting more than 220,000 women a year. The number of femicides is also increasing. But women are not the only ones to be victims. In 2018, 21 children were killed in this context, 82 remained orphans and thousands more who witnessed scenes of violence remained scarred for life.
The effects of domestic violence on the child
Domestic violence is one of the most serious forms of abuse that can be inflicted on a child, say many child psychiatrists and magistrates. They create post-traumatic stress, which manifests itself in very deep and lasting anxieties.
Growing up, children exposed to violence within their families may suffer from two types of disorders. The first is the attack on oneself. Even toddlers tend to isolate themselves and have developmental delays. Later, they will have learning difficulties, will often be out of school, will have suicidal thoughts or addictive behaviors.
The second type of disorder is harm to others. The child is restless, nervous, angry. Older, he can be aggressive with his classmates, his mother, his brothers and sisters.
It also happens that years later these children become delinquents, thus reproducing the violence that they witnessed at home.
How to help the child traumatized by domestic violence
According to Édouard Durand (1), a former family judge, now a juvenile judge at the Tribunal de Grande Instance in Bobigny, " the first way to help these traumatized children is to protect their mother with a speedy sheltered . Then , an adapted treatment of the parenting is necessary so that even after the separation of the couple, the father does not have the capacity even legal means to perpetuate his grip on the mother and on the child ".
Progress has been made in this area, notably through the 2010 law that created the protection order for women and their children and the 2018 law, which extended the sentences for domestic violence in the presence of women. minors.
Nevertheless, as Edouard Durand explains, we still live in a society that thinks of the organization of the family with an almost exclusive principle of co-parenting, especially when parents are divorcing. And the French law always tends to favor the maintenance of the link between the child and his father even if this one is condemned for domestic violence. In this way, the violent father can keep his nuisance power for years.
There is only one way to remedy this, says Judge Durand, " we must recognize exceptions to the principle of co-parenting and, in the event of conjugal violence, suspend or withdraw parental authority from the violent man. and give it only to the mother . "
Psychotraumatology care
It is also necessary to deal with the specific traumas inflicted on the child by conjugal violence, mainly through systematic psychological care and psychotraumatological care. A child who can express their fears and difficulties and find help from a competent professional will be able to distance themselves from the situation and thus defuse the risk of becoming a perpetrator of violence themselves.
(1) Edouard Durand devoted two books on family violence: Domestic violence and parenthood: protecting the mother is protecting the child (L'Harmattan, 2013) and Domestic violence, the right to be protected , co-written with Ernestine Ronai (Dunod, 2017).