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In the series 'Citas Barcelona', Pablo Rivero tells his flirt, Manuela Vellés, one of the most terrible things that can be said to those who awaken in you a certain romantic interest: that he kisses badly. A 2020 study reveals that 44% of participants lost interest in someone after a bad kiss, while 14% noted that a good one caused interest in the other person to increase. To understand the reason for the power of kissing, we spoke with psychologist Buenaventura del Charco, who says that in reality, the answer has more biological / anthropological explanation than psychological. "Today, what is known for sure is that kissing causes us to release a cocktail substances that regulate stress, help chemically create emotional bonds and sexually excite us. Maybe the explanation lies there, "says the psychologist. "If you don't like how someone kisses, it's essential to be honest without being cruel. You have to explain that although you want to connect, there is something that bothers you and that is not as you need, making it clear that it is not an accusation that you are doing something wrong, "he warns.
When passion doesn't blink
Williiam Crane, author of the book 'The Art of Kissing', says that a romantic kiss requires more than simple proximity, because it implies some degree of intimacy or privacy, something that allows lovers to be themselves and feel relaxed enough to kiss. "Even a kiss in public requires some degree of privacy, which is why you'll see lovers walking on the side of a busy street or moving to a spot on a sidewalk where they're shaded by a protruding tree," the author writes about some of the peculiarities surrounding humans when it comes to kissing.
When delving into this topic, several studies say that bad breath or the difference in intensity in the couple when kissing are the cause of a kiss being branded as "bad", and when talking before particularities, now comes a tricky: one of the things that most concern us is kissing someone who does not close his eyes. There's even a study about why 90% of people kiss with their eyes closed. Psychologists Polly Dalton and Sandra Murphy were in charge of analyzing the issue in a study carried out at the Royal Holloway of the University of London. They determined that most people who close their eyes when kissing do so to concentrate on the task at hand. "When visual impulses are omitted, brain resources are used more to focus on something else," said study researcher Sandra Murphy.
And then, the people who kiss with their eyes open (mostly men)? Don't concentrate? David Coleman, in his mythical book 'Emotional Intelligence', explains that those who kiss with their eyes open do so so as not to lose contact with reality, a form of self-control that would be exercised because kissing with eyes closed accesses "an internal dimension of sensations that for many men is difficult to control". Kissing with your eyes open would be a way of not getting dragged into the unknown. A problem that, apparently, women do not have, who let themselves be carried so happily to that territory in a percentage of more than 90%.
"I met a handsome, attractive and interesting Australian who I liked on top of that. I took him home and we kissed. He kissed like a rat licking debris in a garbage can. Tongue movements at once miserable and frantic, I put my tongue in my mouth a little and then twisted it ... I did not use my lips at all! I decided to move on to sex quickly to save myself the unpleasant experience and of course, the sex was even worse," a victim explains to Yo Dona.
The kiss of disconnection
As psychologist Buenaventura del Charco says, when we kiss with another person, our brain undergoes certain changes and secretes a large amount of oxytocin (the love hormone), dopamine and serotonin. These substances generate the pleasant feeling of closeness, attachment and euphoria. "However, when we do not like a kiss, our brain secretes cortisol, which is the stress hormone and will generate an unpleasant feeling, rejection and a certain need to flee," he says.
The series 'Friends' was responsible for highlighting the rarity of kissing with open eyes on more than one occasion, such as when Phoebe and Chandler kissed and she was unable to close her eyes to the discomfort she felt while doing so, something that also happened to Rachel with Chandler. The question is how to tell someone to kiss you in another way (to close your eyes, for example), without hurting them. "In the field of affective relationships, it is often difficult for us to verbalize what we like and / or need. This usually happens because we are afraid that the other person will feel bad when telling them that we do not like something. Actually, it is a sign that we feel empathy towards the other, so deep down, it is something great. Something that can help us to be honest with what we feel is to remember that we are two different people, so it is normal that we like different things, "says Maria Ros, author of 'Embrace your broken parts'.
Instead of, "I don't like you kissing me like that," it's better to say, "I love being kissed like that." That is, to transmit what we like and, perhaps, show him how he is and how he can do it. Affective relationships, in order to work and satisfy both parties, need communication. Remember that the other person will never be able to guess what you like; He needs you to tell him," recommends the psychologist.
Would you date someone who kisses badly?
- Couple relationships