In Beijing, onlookers watch a gathering of "I-people"
With people of the same kind, they try to find their own comfortable social space
Nowadays, a new type of social interaction is popular among young people - "E person" meeting and "I person" gathering. The "E" and "I" correspond to the extrovert and introvert types in the 16 personality tests of the MBTI (a theoretical model of personality types), respectively.
In order to better understand this form of gathering, not long ago, a reporter from Beijing Youth Daily, who is a type I personality, also signed up to experience an "I person" party - helping people celebrate their birthday at the Haidilao hot pot restaurant that "overly enthusiastic service".
Upon meeting, the people showed introverted traits: silence, restraint, excessive humility, and caution. However, over time, this group of slow-hot people gradually opened up and began to tell their own stories and listen to the stories of others. With people of the same kind, they can enter a safe and comfortable social space, and everyone can find a sense of belonging and confidence.
Embarrassing opening The process of taking a face is so simple that it ends with a smile at each other
In order to better understand this form of gathering, not long ago, a reporter from Beiqing News, who is a type I personality, also signed up to experience an "I person" party. That evening, 20 minutes before the appointed time, the Beiqing News reporter asked in the dinner group whether anyone had arrived. Immediately afterwards, I people who came from all over began to report their road conditions in detail: "Dashanzi intersection is stuck in traffic" and "There is still 1 subway stop"... However, not long after, another message popped up in the group: "Very introverted, but dare not enter." ”
The awkward opening atmosphere has been "foreshadowed" in place, and everyone arrived one after another, and then tentatively and greeted with a smile.
The restaurant on weekends is noisy, but when you walk into the private room, it is noticeably quiet in your ears. A large "Happy Birthday" canvas is pasted on the warm yellow wall, and several colorful balloons are decorated on the side. The 12-person box was spacious, but there were 20 people attending the party, so the owner of the crowd, Zongzi, also booked a large table.
When there were still a few empty seats left in the box, a few girls who arrived behind came to the door and began to "stand in a military posture". They are hesitating to stay or choose the big table. At this time, the birthday star Xiaoshi decided to break the silence and do E for I (referring to the fact that when I people meet, in order not to be cold, one of I people will take the initiative to provoke the topic and show more enthusiasm). I saw her adjust her sitting posture and ask kindly towards the door: "Come in, what do you call it?" As soon as the words landed, several girls' eyes seemed to have a "pupil earthquake", and then, they looked at each other, shyly retreated, leaving everyone in the room to sit and laugh.
After about 20 minutes, everyone finally humbly settled on their seats to each other.
Between orders, the group owner Zongzi began to "recognize people", she got up and walked to a few friends and asked with a smile: "Which one are you?" "Someone reported their WeChat nickname; Someone pointed to their avatar to the group chat page of their mobile phone. However, the topic did not unfold naturally, and the process of meeting each other remained so simple that it ended with a smile at each other.
The waiter who walked by casually asked, "Are you colleagues having dinner?" The person asked thought for a while and responded faintly: "Yes." Immediately afterwards, someone shouted: "Let's introduce yourself!" Unexpectedly, this dramatic scene made many people laugh.
Gradually familiarize yourself with the "Haidilao Birthday Song" naturally
The heat in the hot pot gradually rose. Before serving, everyone's eyes are always on the cutlery, the mobile phone screen, and the face of a talking person. The crowd outside the box was loud, while the atmosphere inside the box was like a "meeting", followed by the "mutual guessing of the major" session, 12 people took turns to speak, and occasionally someone whispered with the people next to them. Throughout the space, the scope of social conversation is "limited" to the three people seated next to him.
A fashionably dressed boy claiming to be from the University of the Chinese Academy of Sciences won everyone's surprised and admirable attention. At this time, his companion ridiculed: "It turns out that the top student of the Chinese Academy of Sciences is also a little sweet potato!" This sentence accurately poked the laughter of the whole audience, so there was a burst of laughter.
The atmosphere has obviously begun to ease, and everyone has gradually let go of their guards and restraints, and their movements have become more free. The girl on the opposite side stood up and put the dish in the pot, and the "birthday star" Xiaoshi held up a full colander and took the initiative to ask everyone if they wanted to take away the shrimp slippery.
Halfway through the dinner, the climax of the whole night was ushered in - Sichuan opera changed faces and sang birthday songs collectively.
The face-changing actor only used a few moves to cause everyone to marvel. Suddenly, the lights went out, and someone in the darkness began to cheer, only to hear familiar lyrics from a distance: "Say goodbye to all troubles, say hello to all happiness." The sound was getting closer and closer, the waiter was pushing the cake slowly, the candlelight was flickering, and the people at the large table outside were also crowding into the side of the door of the box, they stood in a very neat row, naturally singing along, swinging their bodies, clapping and beating.
At the end of the accompaniment, Xiaoshi blew out the candle under everyone's gaze, she put her hands together in front of her, lowered her head and said in a somewhat trembling voice: "Thank you family!" ”
When the group was dispersed, they met to form the game again
When she was about to disperse, Xiaoxing saw a billiard hall directly opposite the road with neon lights, and she said enthusiastically: "Let's organize a billiards game next time!" The girl behind her was also very excited when she heard this, and responded enthusiastically: "Go!" I've always wanted to try it! The girl said as she chased after her.
Xiaoxing is a girl who sits next to the Beiqing News reporter at the dinner. As a senior, she now lives alone off-campus, and because she usually takes large classes in the lecture hall, she and her classmates rarely have the opportunity to communicate, even roommates. Xiaoxing said that she now desperately needs such social occasions to gain friendship and divert attention at the same time.
On the subway home, another girl, Coco, also shared the reason why she came to the party to the Beiqing News reporter. She said that when dealing with Person E, if she encounters sudden silence, she can't help but reflect on herself. This psychological burden often makes her feel tired and uncomfortable. In contrast, the atmosphere with I people is relaxed and comfortable, "because even if the two sides are silent, it doesn't matter much, everyone understands each other." Coco said with a smile. She lives in Daxing and takes 3 hours to and from Wangjing, but she thinks it's worth it.
Significant effect After the party, the group owner found that from "I" to "E"
In the opinion of the group owner Zongzi, the atmosphere of this party is much better than the previous gathering in KTV. She still remembers the embarrassing scene when she first organized a multi-person offline party, "Under the dazzling lights of the KTV box, everyone was still calm and self-contained, and two hours later, no one dared to ascend the microphone throne." ”
"Offline activities need to break through yourself." In fact, before this birthday party, Zongzi also received a private message from a girl. The girl expressed her anxiety and nervousness about the offline party in a private message. Zongzi understood her mood very well and comforted: "It's okay, if you are not ready, we will make an appointment next time." These words made the girl feel warm and reassuring, and finally she plucked up the courage to come to the scene.
After the party, Zongzi noticed that the girl posted a circle of friends: "It turns out that some of the things I was worried about are completely non-existent, and it is like opening up a new world." ”
In fact, many I people are slow to heat, Zongzi said, she hopes to break the stereotypes and prejudices about I people by organizing games, "As long as they are given a suitable environment, they can show their charm." ”
After the establishment of the "Beijing I People Party Stew" group, everyone has spontaneously organized many parties, including KTV, Boom Party, Chaoyang Park Roadshow and so on. Now, there are more than 400 people in the I crowd, and the unread messages in the group are 99+ at every turn. In the group announcement, Zongzi posted the event registration shared document, the "event calendar - chronicle", the I-person food map, and more than 20 subdivided interest cluster brocades. Among them, group chats such as dating a meal partner, a lovelorn emotional line, and a bungee team are particularly active.
Whenever the work at hand is done, Zongzi will open the group chat to reply to the message as soon as possible, she said that she can always see many quoting replies sent by group friends, "I people are like this, like to climb the stairs silently, do not want to let anyone be left out." ”
It is worth mentioning that some time ago, Zongzi tested her MBTI again and found that she had "switched from I to E". "Before, I was an INFP no matter how I tested, but during that time, I was crazy about 'shaking people' and pulling people into the group, and I became ENFP." Zongzi shared the test results to the I crowd, and the group friends shouted "good guy, the group owner has become E", and some people joked and asked Zongzi to withdraw from the group.
Zongzi said that she seemed to have explored her own advantages that she was not aware of before, "The meaning of testing MBTI is not to let us label ourselves, but to recognize our own characteristics, understand our weaknesses, and then make up for them." ”
Social Guidance Gatherings are just "opportunities" to meet strangers
Compared with the party atmosphere full of "suffocation" of I people, E people with burst energy directly turn the party into "social training".
Not long ago, Xiaodao and a few girls from the E crowd gathered at the Wudaokou Bar in Beijing. They sat in a corner where the island was the fourth to arrive. After the crowd, everyone chatted hotly, beauty, celebrity gossip, news hotspots, workplace news... The topic is endless.
Later, some people drank until they were slightly drunk, and with the strength of the wine, the classic game Truth or Dare appeared. Some of them put their arms around each other's shoulders, forehead to forehead, and told their emotional experiences. "Those who can't usually tell their families and classmates can be spit on after drinking." Kojima said.
She thinks that the very important point of E-person parties is that in addition to matching your personality, these strangers basically do not intersect with you and have conflicts of interest in real life, "I don't have to pay too much attention to personal image at E-person parties, but I still have to behave decently at other parties." For example, if the school organizes an E-person event, I will also participate, but only in a 'restrained' way. ”
With such a pure idea, every time the Excel table in the E crowd updates the activity, the island will be opened as soon as possible to see if there is a "schedule": "Before I wanted to see the exhibition or want to go to the music festival, I always couldn't meet friends, but now as long as there is an event, roar in the group, everyone wants to go." ”
Interestingly, every time the table is densely packed with a remark column, "You may have to leave early to catch the subway", "If you find bugs at home, you need to clean it temporarily"... Each reason for refusal or early departure is meticulous. Kojima jokingly said that the remarks column is reserved for everyone to "rip off". It is also because the time is staggered and the activities are different, every time you meet, you can meet acquaintances, meet new faces, and socialize with different people and get different experiences, in Kojima's words, "everyone will not 'huddle', but 'rain and dew'".
In Kojima's view, one of the great advantages of using MBTI as a social guide is that it can help you communicate effectively with the people around you, "For example, you feel that a friend is very indifferent to you, and only a few words are available to you each time, but when you know that he is I, you can forgive him and even protect him." ”
However, Kojima also believes that the so-called "E person" party and "I person" gathering are just an "opportunity" to meet strangers, and although the initial group was really based on MBTI, after the event was made, it had already got rid of the MBTI background. She also hopes that the MBTI will not become a constraint and limit the self, "The world is so big, there can be only 16 types of people, there are still differences between individuals, we see each individual when we communicate, not a type of people." ”
Reminder: Be wary of self-solidification and group polarization tendencies brought about by "labeling"
In fact, "E-person" parties and "I-people" gatherings are still a new form of social interaction based on the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). Born in the 20s of the 50th century, this personality assessment tool has become an important way for today's young people to understand themselves and others, comparing their personality with personality type traits, and even when speaking, they like to refer to themselves as a certain personality type group. In addition to interpersonal communication, MBTI is also widely used in other fields.
Wang Fang, a professor at the Department of Psychology at Beijing Normal University, once said that MBTI can be said to be the "world's most popular personality test", and its commercial promotion is quite successful, and it is widely used in corporate training, career counseling and personal growth. For example, in recruitment and job search, many companies are using MBTI tests to understand candidates' personality traits and better match positions and talents.
However, controversy and criticism of MBTI has also persisted. Some critics argue that the MBTI test itself has some problems, such as the lack of accuracy of the test results and the ease of the test process. In addition, it has also been suggested that the "labeling" brought about by MBTI tests will have a negative impact on people's self-perception and interpersonal relationships.
Wang Fang introduced that the general MBTI test question usually gives a sentence describing behavior or feelings, and let the test taker choose the degree of compliance from "strongly disagree" to "strongly agree". In the steps of scoring results, each dimension is still an either/or classification. The speed test version with a simplified topic simplifies the options to one of the two, making the results more absolute.
In fact, most people are in the middle, and for them, changing the answer to one or two questions can lead to inconsistent retest results. "Human beings are far more similar than different, they are not so separated from each other, and people in the world cannot be divided into only 16 categories. This is also where this type of test is not scientific enough. Wang Fang said.
Some psychologists also remind that while quickly finding a sense of social belonging and group identity, we must also be wary of the self-solidification and group polarization tendency brought about by "labeling", that is, so that people who may only have a little similarity become more similar after constantly exchanging similar views, which in turn will make individuals attach their labels tighter.
(The characters in the article are pseudonyms)
Text/Beijing News reporter Wang Jingyi Coordinator/Lin Yan Zhang Bin