The opinion of experts on the surrogacy of Ana Obregón: "With 70 years, no matter how much someone lives, at 15-20 years there will no longer be a father or mother"

• First words Ana Obregón breaks her silence: "I will never be alone again"
• Bioethics The new Medical Code of Ethics admits altruistic surrogacy while the law rejects it
• Society The Government charges against the surrogacy of Ana Obregón: "It is a form of violence against women"
• Reactions "It seems to me an act of selfishness that you go to Miami to buy a child"

The news of the day, that Ana Obregón has been a mother at age 68 by surrogacy, raises numerous questions that are being debated, from the legal and ethical point of view, by the method to be a mother, and even from the psychological point of view beyond the right of each one to decide on his life.

On the one hand, and to begin with, by age. "It is discouraged and no report supports it, it is an unprecedented case. In the regulation of adoptions it is marked as a limit to be able to adopt 45 years. Why? Because there has to be a reasonable difference between the child and the parent. A reasonable difference means that when the child needs it, which is not just going to be a baby but a teenager, a mother or father has to have it. At 70 years old, no matter how much someone lives, at 15-20 years there will be no father or mother. That is why adoption is regulated and I believe it is the reference model," explains Guillermo Fouce, doctor in Psychology and president of Psychology without Borders.

Fouce also stresses that parenting generates a series of difficulties. "The mental effort involved in parenting, that's why it's not done at those ages, neither from the point of view of connection nor from the point of view of the physical and mental effort involved. Affectivity cannot occur, the baby is born very dependent on the mother and with a high level of need for protection, when she will not be able to protect him emotionally because his age does not correspond to that protection. Not to mention the life expectancy itself, which, at most, we will talk about 90 years approximately. That's 20 years, which means that in the best of cases it's a teenager who's going to be left without a mother."

Perinatal psychologist Jazmín Mirelman also points to the 45-year limit in the adoption process. "That a woman accesses motherhood at such a late stage we imagine that it will have a negative impact on the experience of that baby, who will probably not be able to count on that person who will act as a mother for too long by the law of life. That on the one hand, and on the other we should inquire about what are the reasons and desires that have led that person to decide to access motherhood at this vital moment, which is a more propitious time to exercise other functions. "

Compensate for a loss, a mistake

In this case many people point (this is how it slips in the report of 'Hello' and in what Obregón herself says on her Instagram) to the dramatic death of her son Alejandro from the cancer he suffered. "If the motivation is to compensate for the traumatic loss of the other child, it's a huge mistake because it's not going to be compensated. It is that, in fact, it is a shortcut that will lead him to comparison, it will lead him to not have resolved one thing or the other, "emphasizes Fouce, who expands and highlights the issue of mourning. "A grief or a loss of a partner or a person is not resolved like that. That 'one nail removes another nail' is not true. You have to close your grieving process and then open another space and in this it happens exactly the same: you have to close your period of loss of an abortion or in a situation of death and then open the other, but looking for a substitution is not going to be a good way. "

For Mirelman, "losing a child is one of the most dramatic experiences a person can experience. Grief for the loss of a child, like any grief, requires an elaboration and a process, and on many occasions within this process we make decisions that may or may not be the most accurate. Of course we can never compensate for the loss of a child with the arrival of another child, that is impossible and that loss will last. While we may understand her grief, we do not agree that caring for and nurturing a baby will replace the loss she has suffered."

At this point the perinatal psychologist also talks about the emotional burden that can be for that baby "to come to occupy a place that has been left empty by the loss of his child". "That's a tremendous burden. We have the story of the painter Vincent Van Gogh. He had a brother who was born before him who was given the same name and later passed away. When Van Gogh was born, they gave him the same name again, which is a practice that used to be done very frequently, and he tells the scene when he sees his own name written on his brother's grave, the emotional impact that confusion can have. "

However, for Mirelman the crux of this matter is the way in which motherhood is accessed. "From the research we have been doing in perinatal mental health for many years we see with great concern this way of accessing motherhood that has to do with surrogacy. It is called surrogacy, but it is a euphemism in our view. We do not have to have prejudices and from psychology we always analyze the cases one by one, from the uniqueness of each family, but if we had to give an opinion on this issue honestly it would be of great concern. Is it reasonable to rent a womb to have a baby for this reason? That is, motherhood is a desire, but it is not a right."

Fouce believes that it is a purchase even if it is sometimes said that it is without profit. "There are the gray scales, when you say that 'we pay what it costs healthily or what it costs the welfare of the surrogate mother'. But when you see the price of that it's actually a purchase. As these regulations stand, they are all altruistic with a price that you mark of the supposed costs involved in the mother. But it's not a favor, you compensate financially and put a price."

Forming a bond

Pulling the last Code of Medical Deontology that is presented tomorrow in the Congress of Deputies, surrogacy in which an economic benefit is mediated is rejected but it is admitted when it is altruistically. "I don't know of any case of altruistic surrogacy unless it's a direct relative. Except in those cases, in the rest of the cases money is paid, at different rates, for the welfare of the mother, etc. You are talking about purchase, ethically questionable, and then from the psychological point of view the link is not going to be the same, it is deteriorated from the beginning, "says Fouce, who emphasizes the complications. "It is difficult to link with a surrogacy, it is difficult that there is no rejection, that there are no elements that are complicated in that process, with the mother who lends the womb, who in the end has the child inside although she knows that it is temporary, and then with the very question of this being a business. "

On the link Mirelman also believes that it is fundamental. "Neuroscience and all recent research knows that the bond that is established in the womb, the prenatal bond that is established between the biological mother and the baby is going to determine the health and mental health of that baby throughout his life. The reunion once the baby has been born with his biological mother in the event that this is possible, there are times when for some reason the biological mother is not there, she has been able to die in childbirth, for example, and the person who welcomes that baby will take care of him in the best possible way, But we know from all the studies, especially genetics, that the encounter with the biological mother will always favor the health and mental health of the baby."

Mirelman does not forget the health of the surrogate mother. "The pregnant woman will undergo a whole process of physical, neurophysiological and psycho-emotional transformation throughout the 40 weeks that a gestation lasts and will require going through a puerperium or postpartum without a baby that also has consequences. We have to open a little, in my opinion, the look, not only on that baby, but on the biological and surrogate mother. And also about the psychology of the mother who is going to take in this baby, who has, as we said, this illusion of supplanting one child by another and who, in my opinion, is not going to achieve this goal".

Adoption vs. Surrogacy

But what about adoptions, where that link doesn't exist either? "In both cases, adoption and surrogacy, you have to build a bond. That's why there is deterioration from the beginning, because you have to build. The question we always talk about in these cases is why not adopt if you have the choice, why obsess over the biological link, with it being a part of my semen or my ovary. The construction of the bond is going to be very similar, it is one thing or another. Why opt for one and not the other when you have an alternative is the big question," Fouce continues.

That bond is built naturally when pregnancy occurs. "There is a relationship with the fetus that is growing inside you, you relate to it, you talk, you talk, you notice it beating, you prepare or establish that bond. When it's an external bond you have to build that relationship, that 'body-flesh' and that is not replaced by the biology of it being an egg of mine."

Fouce adds: "There you will find that it is extremely hard because then taking care of a baby is taking you away from your life and having to be with him. In perinatal psychology we are doing more and more programs of counseling and accompaniment of mothers in the postpartum, where it is necessary to intervene because there are very often depressions. Imagine that you have a work and socially active life and suddenly you find a baby dependent on you, who will let you sleep just enough and who will take you away from your active life, your needs are relegated. It is a marathon that is very beautiful being a mother but that has its difficulties of fitting in and that can lead to depression because normally they do not take care of themselves, they do not fix themselves, they do not relate to others ... All this is sustained by the mother-child bond of someone who has been in your womb and with whom you have hoped and wished to leave. When it is a surrogate or it is an adoption, all that bond and that issue has to be built from the emotional-social and it is more difficult. "

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• Ana Obregon
• Psychology
• Surrogacy
• Articles Rocío R. García-Abadillo