The other day I asked a friend how he would feel if his wife told him: "Honey, of all your friends, you are the one who has it biggest." And he said, "Cold sweat, pain and relief in equal parts." Curious right? Perhaps, if the situation were real, his answer would vary but, thus cold, he perceived a certain emotional dissonance between the discomfort generated by that multiple infidelity with his colleagues, on the one hand, and an inevitable feeling of well-being for knowing he won that unnecessary ranking of penises.
This, which, at first glance, might seem like bullshit, affects much more than we imagine, both men and women. An organ pampered and idolized since men were men, the image of the penis has been associated, since time immemorial, with fertility, strength, courage and power. It is true that something similar happened with the female body and its curves (it is worth remembering those venus with prominent hips and lactating breasts), but, to this day, we still live in a phallocentric society, marked by the idea that the phallus is the central basis in the organization of the social world and our sexuality.
This phallocentrism has been analyzed in all areas, from health, medicine, psychology and psychoanalysis, philosophy, and even in art, literature and linguistics. In the field of sexology and pleasure, dysfunctions in the male genitalia have historically been more researched than those originating in female genitalia, with the repercussion that this produces in the search for solutions.
The funny thing is that, despite the omnipresence it has in our society, little is said about the need to promote a 'body positive' of the penises. It should be remembered that the 'body positive' refers to having a positive view of the body, regardless of its shape, size or other attributes related to appearance. It means loving bodies for what they are, with their logical and natural imperfections, even though it moves away from the standards of society.
I know that there are movements that make visible the reality of the vulvas and female breasts and even eroticize it. What's more, I work a lot on this in my practice. However, in this, they have been left behind and would have to make their own genital revolution. Because where is the 'positive penis'? No one boasts a small penis. Most men who come to my office have doubts (and fear) about whether their penis is 'normal'. Some ask me, others are even willing to show it to me (I prevent them from doing so and refer them to urology, because my work does not include that service, clearly). But there is penis anxiety and a lot.
If they lose erection one day, it gets messy; if two lose it, they become distressed and hypervigilance appears, "Does it go up or doesn't it go up? I'm lost, not without my penis!" they think. If they consider it small, crooked, do not maintain the erection for a long time or is not as turgid as they expect or believe it should be, they think that everything is due to their supposed genital 'abnormality'. And the funny thing is that, if there is pride of penis, this sexual anxiety is greatly reduced and, although they present some dysfunction, their self-esteem is usually in better condition.
One of the best evidence of the interest in the issue is the number of surveys and studies that are done on the length and thickness of the penis. Works such as an investigation carried out by a team of scientists from King's College London, published in 'The British Journal of Urology International', in which it was concluded that the average length of a flaccid penis is 9.16 centimeters and 13.24 centimeters erect; with a thickness between 9.31 centimeters in circumference at restand 11.66 centimeters erect.
But, in addition to size and thickness, every penis, like any other part of the human body, has as many shapes as people with penises exist. However, broadly speaking, from MYHIXEL, leader in male sexuality, they tell us about three main classifications of phalluses, emphasizing, yes, that "this categorization has no scientific basis, but subjective" and its purpose is "to demonstrate the great diversity that exists".
1. According to the presence or absence of foreskin.
2. By the type of curvature. When it is mild or moderate, they usually like curves, in addition each one has its point and goes better with certain postures. But attention, "if the curve of the penis is prominent it is a problem (Peyronie's disease) that must be treated by specialists," warn from MYHIXEL.
3. By its form, five types would be contemplated:
Beyond measures, types and forms, it is necessary to emphasize, once again, that size does not matter, neither in heterosexual relationships nor in homosexual relationships. Or it should not matter because it is not decisive for obtaining pleasure, nor for being able to offer it. In fact, it is not even necessary for the penis to enter the pleasure equation, a priori. However, if we look at penetration, it should be emphasized that it is not necessary to have a large size to stimulate the erogenous areas of the other person. And, of course, if it comes to extremes, it would not hurt to get professional advice to see how to optimize relationships. Because what is important is that the penis is healthy, does not hurt or feel pain and that there is no discomfort associated with it.
It would be useful to remember the importance of knowing that pleasure is a psychological phenomenon and uses the body as one of its many sources of stimulation. Therefore, the greater or lesser pleasure felt is a subjective and mental matter.
Erotica, in turn, is a social construction with psycho-emotional effects that is built, expanded and evolved. We can get surprised if we leave 'the should' and move away from the need to be 'normal' to focus on the sensoriality of our body. It is a mindfulsex® exercise that, if you have not yet included in your sexual repertoire, you should start taking into account to enjoy beyond what you have been told.
Ana Sierra is a psychologist and sexologist.
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