How to get rid of the burden of high-priced betrothal gifts for major marriages [Less comparison with each other and more "human sobriety"]
"I visited and investigated and found that some rural betrothal gifts are 100,000 yuan, some 180,000 yuan, and some even 300,000 yuan, which is relatively high. Farmers mainly rely on working and farming to obtain income, and they cannot bear the burden of betrothal gifts of more than 100,000 yuan." This year, a deputy to the National People's Congress from rural North China brought a proposal to curb high-priced betrothal gifts.
Not long ago, a report announcement about rural wedding gifts in Dayu County, Jiangxi Province rushed to the Internet. More than 800 yuan.
The staff of the Dayu County Civil Affairs Bureau told the media that the original intention of the announcement was to advocate changing customs and oppose high-priced bride price.
There are no punitive measures after reporting, and the focus is on persuasion and ideological work.
According to media reports, a number of representatives offered advice and suggestions on the issue of high-priced bride price during the two sessions.
The reform of marriage customs in many places has "stepped on the brakes" for high-priced betrothal gifts
"To get married, you need to be 'a thousand purples and one piece of green' and 'three jins and three liangs'." According to the custom, Xiaochao (pseudonym), who lives in a county in southwest Shandong, got such an answer when he went to his girlfriend's house to propose marriage.
He told reporters that his girlfriend's parents asked for the bride price according to local customs. The former refers to 10,000 5-yuan notes, 1,000 100-yuan notes, and 1 50-yuan note; the latter refers to 100-yuan notes.
In the Longdong area of Gansu Province, the customs of betrothal gifts are different.
According to Xiaohang (pseudonym), a local young man, in his hometown, before the wedding, the groom would present the bride with "two Cheng, pearls, and Zhe Yi". The folded meaning includes home appliances such as color TVs and refrigerators.
On the wedding day, these are to be displayed to friends and family.
In order to "cool down" the betrothal gifts in rural areas, as early as 2019, "high-priced betrothal gifts" were named for the first time in the No. 1 Central Document.
Since 2021, the No. 1 Central Document has mentioned "high-priced betrothal gifts" for three consecutive years.
Many departments of the central government have been making relevant "big moves" in recent years, and various provinces are also working together to "limit the height" of bride price.
In May 2022, Dingxi, Gansu launched an action to tackle high-priced betrothal gifts, marking a guide price of "no more than 50,000 yuan" for wedding gifts.
In February of this year, Ningxia Jingyuan issued a document to change customs, encouraging bride price not to exceed 60,000 yuan, advocating son-in-law to support parents-in-law, and favor gifts not exceeding 200 yuan.
In addition to red-headed documents, there are still many places that are exploring the use of flexible measures to "step on the brakes" for high-priced betrothal gifts.
Recently, many places such as Liangshan in Sichuan, Hejian in Hebei, and Dingxi in Gansu have successively announced the phased results of tackling the problem of high-priced betrothal gifts.
According to the Propaganda Department of the Party Committee of Liangshan Yi Autonomous Prefecture, 528 betrothal gifts of more than 100,000 yuan have been banned since the local special class for changing customs and customs was launched; "Zero betrothal gifts" and "low betrothal gifts" accounted for 88%, and the average cost of each marriage was reduced by 70,000 to 150,000 yuan; Gansu Dingxi announced that since June 2022, 70% of betrothal gifts will be controlled within 50,000 yuan.
The driving force behind the high-priced betrothal gifts
Regarding the reasons for the high price of dowry in rural areas, the NPC deputies interviewed above believe that the woman’s face is good, and if the dowry is high, the face will be great; some young women, including their parents, feel that the high dowry will increase their sense of security after marriage; As a result, high-priced betrothal gifts have intensified.
Rectifying high-priced betrothal gifts is not an easy task.
Liu Yanwu, associate professor of sociology at Wuhan University, told reporters that too many restrictions may violate civil liberties, and non-coercive measures will make it difficult to curb such phenomena in a short period of time.
Marriage customs, as etiquette and customs, cannot be regulated by law, but only through initiatives and publicity, so that the public can psychologically understand the injustice of high-priced betrothal gifts.
For married men in rural areas, the high amount of dowry has constituted the "unbearable burden" of marriage.
Liu Chengliang, a doctor of the China Rural Governance Research Center of Huazhong University of Science and Technology, said in the article "Poverty due to marriage: a perspective to understand rural poverty", "The current trend is that the level of bride price in rural areas is higher than that in cities, and that in remote areas is higher than that in rural areas. Ordinary Village".
Jin Xiaoyi, a professor at Xi'an Jiaotong University, published a paper in January 2023 titled "Perspective on "Sky-price Betrothal Gifts": Current Situation, Causes and Governance." Rights and interests have been violated, and a large number of rural men find it difficult to get married or even permanently divorced.
"If the man doesn't show the bride price requested by the woman as sincerity, how can he prove that he really wants to get married and live?" Standing outside the threshold of marriage, some women's families think that "the bride price is the man's respect for the woman, and it is also the foundation of future married life." bond".
Some young women who are waiting to marry are also in a passive state of "difficulty at both ends". Knowing that the man's family is already burdened with the expenses of buying a house, it is not easy to come up with tens of thousands of yuan in gifts, but it is not easy to disobey the wishes of their parents. The phrase "it's for your own good" is weak.
There are also people who have a comparison mentality fueled by matchmakers.
Taking the rural area of Longdong, Gansu Province as an example, the local dowry is generally 100,000 to 200,000 yuan, but it shows that the rural area is higher than the urban area, and the more remote the mountainous area, the higher the dowry. There is also a situation where the dowry is judged by the education and work of the young women.
In this area and some parts of Shaanxi bordering it, because the matchmaker "runs away and speaks out", after the engagement, the parents of the man and woman will present leather shoes as a thank you.
However, in order to earn intermediary fees, some professional matchmakers encourage the bride's parents to ask for "clothing purchase fees", "divorce money", "vegetable water money", etc., and take 10% or more from the high-priced bride price.
The Spring Festival is the peak time for blind dates and marriages among young people returning from rural areas.
The reporter noticed that many professional matchmakers in Northwest China turned to the Internet. Some people posted the personal information of young men and women who were about to get married, the requirements for bride price and dowry, etc. to the short video platform; The picture shows stacks of banknotes and a variety of dowry items.
This year's National Two Sessions, member of the National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, vice chairman of the All-China Women's Federation, and Secretary of the Secretariat Wu Haiying submitted the "Proposal on Governance of High-price Betrothal Gifts to Cultivate a New Style and New Look" to the conference. She suggested that relevant departments conduct special research to provide basis for precise governance; guidance Grassroots self-government organizations have added "height limit" regulations to village regulations and civil agreements, put forward specific binding standards, and encouraged places where conditions permit to issue local regulations.
It takes more "human sobriety" to treat bride price
"In many cases, married young women in rural areas do not have much say in the issue of dowry. In some marriages that have collapsed due to dowry, high-priced dowry is especially harmful to young women." Wang Li (pseudonym), a young woman from a county in Northwest China explain.
Zhang Wei (pseudonym) works in a city in North China. He believes that giving a bride price is a way for a man to show his sincerity in asking for marriage to the woman’s parents, and the man’s family should give it.
However, the woman cannot know that the man's economic strength does not allow it to charge wildly. "If you have to set a standard for the bride price, you will feel that marriage is like a transaction, which may cause young people to fear marriage and delay marriage."
In this regard, the representatives of the National People's Congress interviewed suggested that all localities try to formulate village rules and regulations, and through the establishment of village red and white councils, promote the change of customs, rectify and eliminate unhealthy customs such as high-priced betrothal gifts, grand weddings and funerals, heavy burials and low maintenance, etc. "Put the 'low betrothal gift' into practice", and advocate "zero betrothal gift" on the basis of promoting "low betrothal gift".
Nowadays, parents in many places are gradually changing their attitudes towards their children's wedding gifts. It is less common for a woman's parents to block the marriage just because the man did not meet his bride price requirements.
The payment of dowry is no longer a single processing method of "I ask for it, you pay", including but not limited to: if the man has a house, the woman will use the dowry to marry a car; The family’s future life fund; both men and women have no house, and both parties will share the large purchase expenses and share the property rights of the house. The woman no longer asks for a bride price alone.
"Zero betrothal gift", is it feasible?
Gan Mantang, a professor of Sociology at Fuzhou University, said in an interview with reporters from China Youth Daily and my country Youth Daily that "zero bride price" is contrary to traditional Chinese wedding customs.
The public should not only focus on the bride price, but ignore the woman's dowry.
In real life, some women's families use most of the dowry as dowry and return it to the bride or the man as the public property of the new family.
According to Gan Mantang's analysis, the uneven sex ratio of the population is also one of the reasons that hinder the marriage of rural youths.
In addition, considering the issues of personal development and children's education, many young women ask young men from rural areas to buy houses in cities, causing economic pressure on young men to buy houses.
"When curbing high-priced betrothal gifts, one cannot go to the other extreme. Moderate betrothal gifts are necessary." As for the amount of betrothal gifts, Gan Mantang believes that "it should not exceed the national per capita annual income, which is a more appropriate range."
Zhang Gaiping, a member of the 14th National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, academician of the Chinese Academy of Engineering, and professor of Henan Agricultural University, proposed at the National Two Sessions in 2021 on high-priced betrothal gifts to increase investment in the new rural insurance basic pension in the central and western regions to relieve the worries of married women; improve women's social status, maintain the balance of the sex ratio at birth; summarize and promote the pilot experience of reforming marriage customs in various places, and establish and improve a long-term mechanism for changing customs.
On February 14 this year, Li Ming (pseudonym), a young man from Ningxia, participated in a friendship activity organized by the Communist Youth League, and was getting to know a young woman recently.
"If the relationship goes well, I will go all out to meet the other party's dowry requirements, but not too high." He hopes that the group organization will guide young people to establish a correct view of marriage and love, and play a key role in changing customs.
China Youth Daily China Youth Net reporter Jiao Min Long Wang Yijun
Source: China Youth Daily