Couples without sex, more common than it seems?
Sexual dissatisfaction, self-esteem or fashion problems, not everything is resolved by opening the relationship to third parties
There are people who don't like to be touched, just like that, for no apparent reason.
If they are unknown or only known, it does not seem to them that there are any.
Yes, when the person playing is close, a friend, brother, father, husband, etc.
But it happens now that, with such different zeta and millennial generations from the previous ones (read the X, the Y and even the boomers...), heterosexual intergenerational relationships seem even more disparate,
as
if those of 35 or 40 were still around. in the 20th century and in romantic love and those who are 10 or five years younger will not bet on anything more than stratospheric sex.
Worthy of the Third Millennium.
Those who know about sexual matters, sexologists and psychologists (let's remember the emotional angle of any practice), say that in effect
"there is a certain generation gap"
that plays a role in relationships in which there is a difference in age.
That gradualness and the confidence acquired over time are valued more by the elderly and that millennials and Zetas tend to equate practices, to understand that kissing for three hours on the sofa can be the same as adding anal penetration to the second day of being together .
We are not exaggerating.
a difference of degree
For example.
The sex therapy expert Diana Fernández Saro believes that it is the representation of a struggle between "the traditional idea that relates encounters with gradualness and intimacy, especially in relation to some practices, which are something that is only done with special people".
"Not long ago penetration came only with marriage," she recalls, "so it seems natural to me that encounters happen where
one person's sexuality doesn't mesh with the other."
Sexologists closest to the young generations like Natalia Cachafeiro admit to having already had conversations on this matter.
«The biggest change is that
now everything is more explicit and faster
in both sexes.
They are the same messages, reproduced with today's experience, less veiled, more direct, and this affects intimacy, which ends up being secondary even though it is important.
more liquid than ever
Cachafeiro remembers that in truth "20 years ago we talked about the liquid love that Bauman defined, but it is that today it is more the order of the day than ever: speed, fear that there is something better in some corner of the world that fits more with us... and then intimacy remains on a pedestal, because it is very difficult to achieve and that is starting to create problems, we do
n't know how to relate to each other in intimacy
and it's something I see especially in men of different ages».
And he warns of another peculiarity:
the older, the greater the shame
when asking for help if one is not living relationships with enjoyment.
«Those 30 and under, with a couple of bad experiences, pick up the phone to ask for information.
Higher ages have more reluctance, generalizing, of course.
Pleasure or long-term goals
The issue to consider is whether we are living
a specific erotic encounter or we are dealing with temporary criteria
that we want to lead us to a relationship.
If we think that there may be something else, 40-year-old women may be more reticent to have certain practices in the first meetings.
While the millennials and Zetas can perfectly perform intimate sexual affairs on the first dates without much problem.
Is the question to enjoy or does this take us somewhere concrete?
First issue to reflect on, proposes Fernández Saro.
The testimony of the woman with her back turned serves to clarify.
Intergenerational meeting, man younger than woman.
Second meeting.
Everything is going well, everything works, they have made love, or have had sex, whatever you want to call it.
And he asks (this is fine, seeks consent) if he can put a little finger in her anus.
She, excited, says no, she would have seen it!
But if we just met... However this woman doesn't feel prudish nor has she ever felt that way.
She considers that she has always enjoyed sex to the fullest but
she finds it strange to do things so quickly.
«Like the prize, like giving the flower.
But the flower can be in the anus or in another place”, continues Fernández Saro, “the question is whether you want that relationship to become a couple or remain an erotic encounter.
It is probable that the generation gap exists, but I think it
will have more to do with the person and their experiences ».
More information, less taboos
What there is is little data in this regard and that is what the professionals consulted claim.
Flor Arriola, also a sexologist, says that "today younger people have much more information than those of us over thirty had, another issue is what they do with it."
Ella e ella has an impact: «As there are fewer taboos when it comes to talking about certain topics related to erotica or pleasures, the feeling of freedom is greater and this can cause
young people to express themselves more easily.
Furthermore, I believe that the stale, hegemonic model of masculinity is in crisis, which in turn may cause many boys to dare to try, and even demand, certain practices that 10 years ago, for example, were not so normalized» .
And Cachafeiro proposes this game:
"Let's look at the songs,
previously suggestive veiled erotic messages that now leave nothing to the imagination."
Which does not have to be bad, but it is clear that someone who has grown up listening to “I ate the forbidden fruit leaving the dress hanging from our unconsciousness;
my body was joy for a minute, my mind cried your absence», perhaps it does not sound as erotic to you «I love you ride like my bike» or «crazy with your tits with your little tot».
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