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We live with many kinds of fear.

This is part of our nature and life.

But if one characterizes this digital era, it is undoubtedly the 'fear of missing something' or FOMO, an acronym for the same expression in English

Fear Of Missing Out

.

With this term, which is usually used to talk about

addiction to social networks

, reference is made to that feeling of missing something important if you are not constantly connected.

Overinformation

is one of the main problems we face today

.

Since the internet came into our lives we live overloaded.

Social networks

,

saturated with

constant

inputs , try to generate needs for us and the dates indicated are great allies for that cause.

And we are with the mobile permanently at hand.

This week it was Valentine's Day.

"Do you have a partner?" asks the voice-

over

in your head, orchestrated by those happy external messages that bombard your mind.

"No", you answer.

"Well, you're already taking time!", you demand.

"If I'm fine without a partner," you rebut.

"But I'm going to take a little while to the

dating

app , because how sad a Valentine without an appointment!, right? I do not want anything serious that I am very well like this, but how about celebrating it with someone?

Singleness deserves celebration

. Well, I'm going to see if I can celebrate San Solterín, San Calentín or whatever, but with champagne and roses, because...".

And so you talk for a few hours in front of the screen of your

smartphone

, where a series of people slide from one side to another, thanks to the amazing ability of your selector finger or

infinite

swipe .

Buah, what a pleasure to choose! You do, you don't."

TO THE ORDER OF THE DAY

The 'swipe' to the right or left generates addiction, because that is how it is designed.EM

Obviously, dating

apps

have revolutionized the way to flirt and meet people around the world.

A business that generates

41 million dollars

in Spain alone and is expected to reach 12.25 billion dollars globally by 2030, according to Top Doctors, a technology and digital company in the health sector.

But it is also true that these

apps

offer direct benefits, such as meeting people quickly and without investing great effort, at least in the short term.

There are also aspects that are not beneficial for mental health, since more and

more addictions

, abusive use and malpractice that even lead to situations of harassment are being detected, which are affecting its users and their way of relating socially.

In fact,

one in ten Spaniards

uses dating applications.

Spending time browsing them already has a name: 'tindering'.

And the worst thing is that this addictive consumption is not accidental, it is sought after and has been designed in a very

thoughtful and scientific

way .

WHY ENGAGE?

Another factor behind this type of obsessive and compulsive behavior, the basis of addiction, is sexual dissatisfaction associated with sexual enjoyment.

According to the survey published in 'Public Health England', it was observed that 49% of millennial

women

between the ages of 25 and 34, in the United Kingdom, expressed a

lack of sexual enjoyment

.

I will take the opportunity to remember that sexuality is not exclusively genital sexual practice, but rather encompasses affections, emotions and the relational world.

And it is not very different among men, because quantity is not quality, not even the proper functioning of their genitals.

Come on, they can feel dissatisfied even taking pills to have a wonderful erection.

The immediacy, the anguish of the passage of time, the pressure of not getting what we want or what is expected of us, having more, not being less... Connecting with ourselves, with the present moment, is an urgent matter.

Nobody knows us better than us.

Desire and pleasure are unique experiences, designed exclusively for each person.

Hence the importance of putting the term

mindfulsex

into practice , a term that gained visibility from the publication

Conversaciones sexuales con mi abuela.

A fun mindfulsex guide for everyone (

Kailas editorial), already in 2017. The awareness of your sexuality is a repellent for those messages that place

your sexual happiness outside of you

.

GOOD PRACTICES

Men tend to have more addictive behavior towards apps than women.Shutterstock

From Top Doctors, and in collaboration with Dr. Sandra Bravo Herrero, a specialist in Psychiatry at Mentalia Arévalo, a member of its medical staff, they have collected data from national and international studies to analyze why these apps are so addictive, understand

their

scientific

functioning

and offer its users a guide of advice and good practices to make responsible use of them.

According to their data, one in three dating app users considers themselves addicted.

But this does not happen by chance, and there are profiles that are more vulnerable than others.

Specifically,

millennials

are

125% more likely than previous generations

and men 97% more vulnerable to 'being hooked' than women.

So much so that users are not able to disconnect from these

apps

even when working:

9 out of 10 admit to having used a dating app at work

at least once, the daily average being around 30-45 minutes.

Getting users to spend as much time as possible in the app and sign up for paid features is a challenge for developers.

To do this, they use gamification

techniques

, which are basically video game mechanics that 'enchant' the user,

secreting dopamine

, the excess of which generates an effect in our brain similar to that of slot machines, gambling and some drugs...

FLASHING REWARD

I already told you, on other occasions, the negative effects of intermittent or variable reinforcement, in breadcrambing

-type relationships

, or "one of lime and the other of sand".

Well, these reward systems are key in addictive processes, since the uncertainty regarding obtaining a reward is more addictive than the certainty of having a reward for a positive attitude.

The big problem is that the possible reward appeals to basic human instincts: validation before others, success, having children... the love of your life.

Affecting any personal vital moment that can

make us more vulnerable

or see the

app

as the only means to achieve an end, the risk of falling into an addiction to it will increase.

CHOICE PARALYSIS

It occurs when we have a large number of options to choose from.

This might seem paradoxical since, if we have more options, we will be able to make a better choice, since the number of possibilities is not so limited.

However, it produces the opposite effect, since

"there could always be an even better option"

, being a source of intrigue, non-conformity and hooking.

It makes it a personal challenge, a race to achieve more and better.

LACK OF HONESTY

This can make us feel cheated, frustrated, or anxious.

And not without reason.

The doctor in Psychiatry highlights that a perfect storm develops

in these

apps , because there is a conjunction of two user profiles:

"On the one hand, the so-called Dark Triad made up of people with

narcissistic, antisocial or Machiavellian traits

. These people like to increase their ego and this is a good place to achieve it," says the expert.

"On the other hand, we find

dependent and insecure people,

especially women, and men to a lesser extent, fleeing loneliness, with anxious attachment, who use apps

to

connect emotionally. For example, someone who wants to have children and considers that they are being late to do it and he doesn't have a partner...", he concludes.

Anonymity, as can happen with other social networks, can lead to

disrespect or even harassment

: one in seven people has felt harassed through these websites.

Work on your self-esteem, set your limits, have allies outside the

app

and, when in doubt, don't enter the game.

And the most important and necessary to prevent the undesirable:

be honest.

Well, we will have to focus on who does it wrong and not on who suffers from it.

* ANA SIERRA is a psycho-sexologist.

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

Know more

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