How to deal with sex with a new partner at age 50

When we start a relationship, we tend to believe that it

, or at least we want it to be, but life offers us multiple paths, some unimaginable, when we say "I do" (not just in front of an altar).

Time changes us, makes us grow and become aware of what we really want at all times, because

.

And it happens to all of us, but not at the same time, not even in the same way.

Because love and affection cannot with everything.

and, sometimes, the latter does not allow us to be.

Is it true that mythical farewell phrase that gives so much anger?: "It's not you, it's me."

Perhaps under that appearance of an excuse to fly away, a truth is hidden so deep that it cannot find words to explain it in another way.

That's right, he's going to leave, because he sees beyond here and he

because it was another person, being the same.

Like you, even if you feel it, you don't want to see it, but something tells you that your paths no longer follow each other and it's your turn to change directions.

await you

in each and every area of ​​your life.

Sexuality will also be affected, how could it be otherwise.

Change is scary, it forces us to be brave when uncertainty looms, but beyond fear, there is light, the same light that made us see that it wasn't there.

The one that motivates us to be there for whatever it has to be.

There may be an infinite number of thoughts, even contradictory ones, and you wonder: How am I going to flirt now if I don't even remember how it was done?

Will I know how to kiss another person?

Will everything be done the same as before?

Will it show that I have been inactive for a long time?

Will I measure up?

I will not fall in love again.

What if I can't/want to find love?

Will they love me?

Will I find something interesting?

Will I stay alone?

Will sexual relations have changed much?

Will I find another partner?

Will the bad known be better than the good to know?

Then what?

I'm sorry to tell you that

, nor do I know how it will go for you specifically.

It is also true that both men and women often have

after a long time in a relationship, and they want to flirt again and meet other people.

But it is interesting that you know that not everything will be negative, some issues improve;

that was the idea, right?

And the knowledge of some of these situations that can occur is interesting to prevent it;

but not to be alert, which is quite different.

Although some situations may seem better and others worse, the reality is that starting

.

There are issues that do not understand gender, although they do understand personalities and

;

if there are minors or not;

or if third parties were the ones who precipitated what was, perhaps, inevitable.

For example, the difficulty when it comes to flirting and seducing, because

a lot and they don't know how to approach another person, start a conversation.

The insecurity when it comes to getting to know someone and showing interest can bring them closer to

choosing the most appropriate ones according to what they are looking for at that moment, as to what they want to start the relationship with or their preferences: friendship, going to dancing, to the movies, a roll, only bed, couple, something liberal like

.

It must be taken into account that, when they are around 50 years of age, many will not have used this means of communication in their lives, especially those who come from a long-term relationship, so their anxiety could increase.

As for

, many of that fifth are accustomed, for cultural reasons, to

.

Therefore, the latter could feel a greater responsibility in this situation.

This differentiation usually creates a dilemma for both, since times have changed but neither has training on the other side of seduction.

They usually look for a resolute man, who knows what he is doing, who does not have to be taught, fiery, affectionate, mature and fun.

And I understand her, but maybe he looks for something similar in a woman, full-fledged.

And insecurity, she has no gender, nor should it be despised that one of her parts did.

In fact, based on my experience, I observed that it used to be worse for them.

It was for this reason that I contacted my dear colleague Ana Lombardía, psychologist and sexologist, and author of the book "Talking to them. The sexuality of

", who affirms that "when the time comes to be intimate on a sexual level, Quite frequently, they also

: the fear of not being physically attractive, of the erection going down, of losing control of ejaculation, or of not knowing how to give pleasure to their partner in some way can even paralyze them. and to avoid sexual encounters."

And there could be

.

"It is also very common that, during their marriage or the long relationship they have left behind, they have not had any

at the level of execution but, when they start to meet someone new, they do," says the expert.

This is due, he continues, to the fact that, in their previous relationship, "they felt safe and confident and, therefore" they were relaxed when it came to having a sexual encounter... but when they meet someone new they still don't feel confident enough to to be calm and to relax and enjoy". Therefore, "it is common

", says Lombardy.

The same can happen to women, although it may be less noticeable because, even if they have erections, they are not so evident.

But it will be possible to appreciate its implications;

such as

.

But don't think that everything will be negative,

.

Like, for example, those related to the subject of

.

"It is frequent that in long-term relationships some men shorten the time it takes to ejaculate during penetration, or even lose control of it," says Lombardia.

This is due to the routine dynamics that are established within the couple, for example, "that

and that he associates orgasm only with the practice of penetration," she says.

Of course, "some men lose control of their ejaculation when they're with a new person because of the pressure they feel to please and look good," says Lombardia.

However,

and couple relationships is an opportunity to give way to other less coitocentric ones where both they and they gain peace of mind and pleasure, respecting their desires and obtaining pleasure without having to come to any concrete practice.

When this happens, "he will also begin to feel orgasms with other practices and observe how ejaculation times lengthen," concludes the expert.

Keep in mind that

;

most without real basis.

They tell us about the state of our self-esteem;

listen to them, seek professional help and work on them, if you need it, before starting any relationship where you feel you have to measure up.

Living sexuality like this is a true condemnation.

Ana Sierra

is a psychosexologist

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

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