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I'm sure I don't even need to describe it to you.

And if I have to describe it to you, it is that you are from another world (and look: congratulations).

You get a

monumental anger

in the company, sometimes a sustained anger for months, or years (yes: it happens, I have seen it with these little eyes) and

you take it home with you

every day, as if it were your Siamese brother, or better , your


, you know, that double bastard, your particular



There, at home, your particular nemesis, a Frankenstein monster made of remnants of





negative thoughts,

begins to swing left and right.

Come on, let

your problems

they vomit on your


, your


, your



And if you don't have any of that, they turn directly

against you,

subjecting you to the torture of an

internal dialogue

that never leads anywhere but leaves you exhausted, bitter, attacked and dizzy... You fall asleep (if you manage it) and the next morning, more of the same...

Ok, and what do we do?


'parking' stress


work anxiety

seems to be an impossible mission, something that we have all tried and in which we have failed, unfortunately... Is it really feasible not to take problems home?

As my


has no clue, I entrust the answer to Elena Olaiz, Action psychologist and Brief Strategic Psychotherapy with extensive experience in treating this type of problem that, she explains, today are "epidemic".

"This is just what we work on in


", he explains to me, "because it is not easy to know how each of us should manage stress and anxiety at work.

To begin with, because for each one the way in which each one perceives and deals with it is different.

It is necessary to know well

how each person lives and manages it,

so that based on this analysis we can put into practice different ways of managing that anxiety and work stress ".

The first on the forehead (it's a saying).

In other words, you have to

go to the psychologist

to solve the problem... Okay, but let's imagine that we don't have the time, or the salary, to go to the psychologist.

Or that we need some

emergency guidelines

because they have given us an appointment on November 2 and we are in June and full of doubts.

To begin with, because we don't even know if taking work problems home with us won't be so bad.

Because, in theory, the


is also there for that, so that we can let off

steam with them...

or not?

Letting off steam is just a Band-Aid

"Well... the question is: what do you want to do?" Elena Olaiz questions us.

"If what you are looking for is not to take your problems home and disconnect,


frequently with your partner would only

make the problem worse

and increase your


. Depending on what your goal is, you will have to do one thing or another. If what you want is let off steam, go ahead. But if you are looking to

solve your

work problems, you will have to


about them with a person who can help you find the right


to reach real solutions. This is how

problems can disappear.

Because no matter how much we let off steam, the problems don't change". The couple, adds the psychologist, "is there to listen to us, support us, guide us and help us, but if they don't know, they won't be able to help us solve our problem either".

In the end, what Elena Olaiz is proposing to us, before anything else, is

that we listen to ourselves.

Indeed, many of the


to our problems are

within us, we

just don't know how to find them, isolate them from the whirlwind of ideas and emotions in which conflicting situations that cannot be easily resolved place us.

"That's what we

work on in session,

finding the right way for you, so that you feel better about yourself doing what you need to achieve your goal," says the expert.

For example, explains the psychologist, "when you have pain and continually talk about it, think about it, your

life revolves around pain.

It is then that, instead of getting out of that hole we are in, more and more and we get deeper into it. Does talking lead you to solve, to change? Do it more! But if it only makes your problem worse and you feel that you are increasingly incapable of solving your problem yourself, I invite you to stop talk and ask

for psychological help".

Put words to what happens, a basic

One of the

important tools

to deal with




, explains the psychologist, is to channel it "through expression. But for it to become a resource for the person, it must be done

in writing.

The things that have frustrated us or angry at work we will have to let


(let off steam) on paper. Because paper can handle everything. What is written, whether it is done assertively or not, is done

without harming

anyone. And your




well-being will tell you Once that's done you can focus on getting on with your day and give yourself some fun, enjoyment or some time for yourself, daily."

Regarding the

role of the couple and the family,

the psychologist invites you to talk to them "about things that are not worries or problems."

Although it sounds strange, Olaiz adds, we should spend a maximum of 15 minutes a day

talking about our problems

"because if not, there will be no end and it can eventually become a

conflict for the couple."


mental spaces,

she adds, "you have to create them. And, like habits, with effort and discipline."

Work problems + problems at home, what to do?

And what happens, I ask him, when

we add a good dose of

domestic stress to


stress, for example that added by babies, adolescents, pets or personal problems of any kind?

What do we do with it?

How do we create a 'safe zone'?

"Rather than a safe zone, I would say that we should allow ourselves

different spaces,"

says Olaiz.

"Just as we organize our day with chores and routines, emotions must also have their space in our day, because even if we don't give it to them, we are still going to feel them, but suffering from them. If what we are talking about is

healthy habits

that help us

protect from stress,


fundamental guideline

would be to

establish realistic expectations

on a daily basis and not demand more of what we can truly do.

Because the most likely thing is that you will not achieve it (mainly because the initial premise is wrong if the expectations are not realistic).

Although it must be said that if we have babies the situation can change completely, and many times it will be a 'do what you can'".

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