"Living with" sadness "" Setagaya Incident Thoughts of bereaved families December 27, 14:53

“Is sadness something that we have to overcome?”



It was early summer that I encountered such a question.

I lost my partner to illness last year.

Still young, she wrote about her death wishing she had more to live.



In it, I interviewed a specialist in grief care (care that eases the sorrow of someone close to me), and wrote down my determination to "live with sorrow."



But it wasn't really that easy.

What I didn't expect was that after a year of being widowed, I started to feel more sadness for her partner's absence than before.



“I wonder if I am a backward-looking and weak person who keeps worrying all the time?”



There was a previous question in the book I picked up when I was confused by my emotions that fluctuated every day.

The author, An Irie (65), is one of the bereaved families of the Setagaya Incident.



How has Mr. Irie lived with sorrow in the long time of more than 20 years since the incident?

She wanted to talk to me.


(Good Morning Japan Director Nozomi Ochi)


An Irie, a generous and tolerant person

The murder of the Setagaya family at the end of 2000.



Mikio Miyazawa (44 at the time), a company employee, Yasuko (41 at the time), her eldest daughter Nina-chan (8 years old at the time) who was in the second grade of elementary school, and her eldest son Rei-kun (at that time) 6)'s family of four was found murdered.

Left unresolved, it will be 22 years in December 2022.



Yasuko's two older sister is An Irie.



While Irie is appealing for the resolution of her case, she is currently talking about her meaning of facing grief and living through her lectures and writing activities on grief care.

Before meeting him for the first time, I was nervous that I wouldn't offend him by saying something careless because he's been through a harsh experience. was.



She seems to have read my articles, and I was impressed by her casual concern for my mental state.



After that, when I started attending lectures, I learned that Mr. Irie always had a message to convey.



It says, "You can grieve freely, be yourself, and be yourself." And, "A society that tries to turn away from sorrow is actually a society that doesn't value life."



These words come from Mr. Irie's experience.



For six years after the incident, Mr. Irie could not say that he was a bereaved family member of the Setagaya Incident.

Days with my sister's family who are kind and considerate

At the time of the incident, Irie was living with her husband, son, and Irie's mother.



She lived next to the house where Mr. Miyazawa's family lived.



Yasuko Miyazawa is a close sister who calls each other "Yacchan" and "Oneechama".



For Mr. Irie, Mr. Yasuko was like a close friend who could talk about anything.



Yasuko's two children were also attached to Irie.



It was Irie's duty to take her niece Nina to elementary school.



She says that she was a child who understood other people's feelings.



She suffered from rheumatoid arthritis, and when she went out with Irie's mother, who was suffering from the pain, she was a gentle girl who said, "Grandma, you can hold on to my shoulder."

On the other hand, my nephew Rei is generous and innocent.



During the interview, Mr. Irie showed me a photo of Yasuko's family.



From the photo of Rei-kun happily blowing out the candles on his birthday with everyone gently watching, we can see that they were a close family.



It also conveyed how they lived happily and cherishing every day.

One day, suddenly, he became a bereaved family of a crime victim.

However, the kind days with Yasuko's family were taken away by a sudden incident.



New Year's Eve 2000.



On a normal morning, you can hear the lively voices of Nina-chan and Rei-kun.



However, no one woke up even after 10 am that day.



Irie's mother went to Yasuko's house to check on her, and the incident came to light.



Then Ms. Irie and her family's life changes completely.



Her house, which was the scene of the incident, was flooded with media every day, and the incident was widely reported.

It is said that there were times when heartless words were directed at Mr. Irie's family.

Anne Irie


"Sometimes I was told, 'I don't want to see that house and it's disgusting,' or 'I'm going to stop dating.' I was very worried that it was "not normal".

People involved in crime are people who have nothing to do with them.



It was like an invisible barrier was being put up.



The irreplaceable Yasuko-san The life of her family was taken away in a murder case, and the more the incident was reported, the more Yasuko-san and Irie-san seemed to become far removed from what Irie knew.



Mr. Irie himself may have pushed himself into the frame of "the bereaved family of a crime victim" as seen by the public.



Considering the feelings of her mother, who first discovered her, and the impact on her family, Irie stopped talking about her grief.



Her heart froze, and she covered herself with sadness.

It all started with a single picture

One of the reasons Irie changed was a picture left by her niece Nina.



It was an elementary school class task to write a scene from a book that left an impression on her, and it was drawn one month before her death.

Nina-chan chose the Mongolian folktale "The White Horse of Suho".



It is the story of the bond between a shepherd boy Suho and a white horse and a sad parting.



One day, Mr. Irie noticed that a girl who did not appear in the story was depicted in the painting.



She is a girl with a yellow bandana wrapped around her head and gently staring at Suho and Hakuba.



Mr. Irie was familiar with her appearance.



Her appearance with her bandana wrapped was the same as the last time Irie saw Nina on December 30, just before the incident.

When a family of four was cleaning the entrance of the house to welcome the New Year and was about to put the pine decorations on, Nina-chan noticed Irie-san and smiled.

"The girl in the picture was smiling. When I realized that Nina-chan was wearing a bandana the last time I saw her, I remembered how cheerful Nina-chan was."

Looking at this picture, Mr. Irie says that Nina's last smile and the smiles of Yasuko's family came to mind.



And I was able to remember how Nina-chan and Yasuko-san's family enjoyed their lives so much.

“I wanted to oppose the idea that my sister’s family would be remembered only for how they died in the end. I wanted to tell my children that they had a precious and rich life.”

“Reencounter” with the deceased

Mr. Irie expresses that this event was the trigger for him to "re-encounter" Yasuko's family.



You can't talk to the deceased like you did when she was alive.



However, as I look back on my past memories, I notice feelings that I didn't notice at the time, and by imagining what that person would say in my daily life, I can renew my relationship with the other person, and make new discoveries. They say they can have a relationship.



For example, seeing Nina-chan's painting brought about a change in Irie's mind.



At the time of the incident, Mr. Irie blamed himself for not noticing and helping her while staying at the house next door.



However, as she remembers that only her last moments were Yasuko-san's whole family, Irie-san believes that her kind and bright sisters will not blame her for the incident. It is said that it has become



The incident froze her heart, and Ms. Irie herself, at first, may not have been caught in her sister's family's entire life, but only in her final moments.

By remembering what she looked like before her death, she may have eased her feelings of blaming herself and lightened her heart.

I thought that the word "re-encounter" was used to express the fact that the relationship with someone you can't see anymore is not fixed, but changes.

I also have many regrets for my partner.



During my treatment, I wanted to go to many concert tours of my favorite idol group, but I only went to one.



She just wanted to complain about the pain of the treatment, but she always gave her opinion about her treatment policy.



From small things to big things.



She could think of any number of reasons to blame herself, and when she was trying to cover her heart by saying, "I wasn't able to support my partner," she touched on the idea of ​​"re-encountering."



Then she thought again of her partner.



When I was worried about my work, she was my partner who sent me a message from my sickbed saying, "I'm with you, so you'll be fine."



She was easy-going, and I didn't think she would say anything to blame me.



I came to think that perhaps she might have felt a little more secure with me.



I don't have anything concretely left by my partner like a picture of Niina-chan.



Irie-san told me that she should just think about him.

Reactions from young people

After that, Ms. Irie began to talk about Yasuko's family in her own words.



Six years have passed since the incident.



The experience of loss is infinitely personal.



That's why Irie recalls that it was important for him at the time to "tell the grief in her own context, instead of telling the story of the 'bereaved family of a crime victim' that was forced on others."



In addition to deepening her studies of grief care and working as a lecturer at the Institute of Grief Care at Sophia University, Irie pondered why she could not talk about her grief and what it means to talk about and face grief. , and disseminate that awareness in books and lectures.

There was an unexpected response during these activities.



Not only from the experience of bereavement, but also from people who feel sadness and difficulty in living in relationships at home, school, etc., they say, "I can't talk about my sadness to others" and "I don't know how to face my sadness." was sent to Mr. Irie.



At the memorial event for the incident held in December, there were young people who, like me, came to read Mr. Irie's book and to hear his story.



After listening to Mr. Irie's story, he said, "I sympathized with the fact that it is difficult to talk about sadness in society." He asked me what he thought.

Do we have to overcome grief?

question at the beginning.



“How did you overcome your grief?”



Mr. Irie says he is often asked this question by the media.



However, Mr. Irie believes that grief is not something that should be overcome, but something that changes and deepens.

“Sorrow is inherent in human life, not just in the experience of bereavement. There is 'sorrow' in everyone's heart, and it is not an abomination, and those who are in the midst of grief are not weak. Because I know sadness, I think I can be kind to others."

Facing sadness is scary and painful.



If just putting a lid on the sadness will also seal the memories with my partner, that's more painful for me.



This is because she remembers the words she left behind, her smile, and how she worked hard, and is encouraged.



I feel that "meeting again" with the deceased will give you the strength to live in the present, rather than being trapped in the past.



Even if you think you've recovered today, tomorrow you may find yourself trapped in painful feelings again.



However, through Irie-san's interview, I realized that this is what it means to "face the sorrow" and "live with the sorrow."

“Sorrow is something that is truly fragile and important to each person. Hearing the voices of sorrow can give you the strength to live, and perhaps the time spent in sorrow is a deep connection with the deceased. I would like to cherish my memories and mourn in my own way.

My partner who left at the age of 33

Click here for the article written by Director Ochi

Ohayo Nippon Director


Nozomi Ochi


covered grief care based on her own experience of loss