Candy Bar - that sounds like fun, like the last day of school before the holidays, like water ice in the mouth and freckles on the earlobes.
But the name is deceptive.
A candy bar is only filled much later in life, at weddings.
Ironically, in those moments when you are trying particularly hard to appear grown-up, she stands there, next to the seating plan and the table for the gifts of money.
Sarah Obertreis
Editor in the “Society & Style” department.
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The candy bar is not like the other buffets.
It's more garish with her, there's more plastic, gift ribbons and tulle blankets.
Like everything at a wedding, a candy bar follows rules.
If you don't know them yet, just google them:
“The candy bar is a must have.
She makes every wedding an unforgettable experience.”
“Before you even think about the type of candy, think of a color concept.
Do you want a pastel dream?
Then get your hip Haribo fantasies out of your head.”
"The candy bar can also taste good, but it has to look good."
“A candy bar is not to be confused with the sweet table.
The Sweet Table is a simple cake buffet.”
"A candy bar includes, among other things: edible chains, UFOs, string, fizzy hearts, lollipops, cola crackers, pink or white mice, marshmallows, popcorn."
"Please hand over the structure of the candy bar!
The location team, the wedding planner or even the maid of honor will be happy to set up the candy bar according to your wishes.
You should refrain from doing this on the wedding day.”
A candy bar is not about the food.
Your success is not measured by the quality of the candy.
No one over the age of ten likes lollipops, especially with Aperol Spritz.
That's good, because if too many used it, it wouldn't look appealing anymore.
And the aesthetic is the most important thing about the candy bar.
There isn't a lot of creative leeway for this, it's copied over and over again.
Her pastel shades follow the assignments of old gender roles.
Because it is usually the woman who plans the wedding.
That's why the marshmallows are pink, the effervescent hearts are lemon yellow, and the UFOs are pale green.
Like so many things, the candy bar comes from America.
Of course, it costs money – wedding planners calculate about seven euros per person.
That's why wedding blogger Janina aka "The Pearl Mama" immediately suggests: "Set up a money box next to the candy bar so that you can buy your 'colorful bag' for 'a mark', as it was back then".
The wedding would be simpler without a candy bar, simpler.
But that is exactly what makes the celebration seem less valuable in the eyes of many bridal couples and probably also in the eyes of some guests.
Because the candy bar promises to deliver another experience.
That's what the wedding planners write: "She makes every wedding an unforgettable experience."
In an affluent society like ours, experiences are the most important currency.
They are supposed to bring us luck.
The only problem is - as the sociologist Gerhard Schulze describes it in his classic "The Experience Society": "Experiences are psychophysical constructions that cannot be substituted by objects or delegated to service companies." That means: The guarantee of experiencing something great, cannot be bought.
The risk of being disappointed cannot be eliminated.
Guy Debord already revealed the true essence of the candy bar in his 1967 book "The Society of the Spectacle": It is a pseudoneed.
Without meaning and purpose.
Like the tissue packs with "For the tears of joy" that are given to the guests at the wedding, it is intended to arouse and confirm emotions.
But the candy bar is not responsible for the joyful emotion, but for the nostalgia.
A sentiment that has no function at a wedding.
The candy bar is not used for the marriage experience project, which the bridal couple hopes will bring them great happiness, because – unlike the party itself – it is never unforgettable.
She cannot create a legendary day, only those present can do that themselves.
Unlike the wedding cake, the candy bar doesn't even have a place in the spectacle that a wedding is these days.
She doesn't structure the day, she doesn't help the bride and groom and their guests to behave properly in the midst of all the excitement and all the expectations.
It's just there, at what feels like every other wedding.
Just why?