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Halfway through the summer vacation, the parent-child relationship of many families has turned on a "red light".
In particular, many parents of children who have entered adolescence feel overwhelmed by the changes in their children at this stage. They want to communicate with their children at home during the holidays, but they often "explode" as soon as they say it.
Why do children have such changes?
I'm all for my children, why don't you listen to me?
expert's point
Pan Lu, a psychologist at Beijing No. 166 Middle School: When children enter puberty, their self-awareness and independence are gradually developing. They yearn to control their time independently and to be truly respected and trusted by their parents.
Sometimes children will swear sovereignty by "rebellion". The more you don't let me do, the more I have to do. This makes them feel that they have strength, grown up, and can resist their parents.
At the same time, puberty also reduces dependence on parents, and children are more willing to share and communicate with friends when they have something. This is also an important period for them to develop peer relationships.
It is human nature to love to play. Most children hope that they will have a good time after the exam and have a vacation, and can relax and entertain according to their own wishes.
Games on mobile phones will bring excitement and happiness to children. They do not need to do homework or exams, but also gain a sense of control and autonomy in the game world. This is a major factor that attracts children to mobile phones.
If parents are too controlling and demanding, always saying "no", "no" and "no" to their children, they will become resistant and shut the door and shut out the parents' words.
For parents, how to turn passive into active, and use the second half of the summer vacation to get into the heart of the child?
First, parents need to let themselves relax.
The more worried about the child, the more parents need to adjust their emotions first.
Children are very sensitive. Parents’ words and deeds are sending signals to him. My mother is going to complain that I am playing with my mobile phone again, and my mother is going to criticize me for not studying.
You might as well be aware of your current emotional state every time you want to communicate with your child, let your tight strings relax, let go of your presuppositions about your child's reaction, and approach your child with a peaceful mind.
Parents can stand in the position of the child and discuss with him the topics he is interested in, and talk with him about things other than learning.
Even if you're not interested in what he's saying, you listen to him patiently, don't interrupt at will, and don't rush to comment.
This is to send a message to the child: I respect your way of life and entertainment, and I am dealing with you with sincerity and equality.
In addition, parents can use the people, things and things their children are interested in as an entry point to explore their careers with their children.
Such as who you want to be like, what kind of life you want to live, what are your current goals, how you plan to achieve them, etc.
In this process, parents should listen more and talk less, encourage more, and judge less. They can take the initiative to ask their children what kind of help they need, and provide effective support according to their needs, so that children can feel that their parents will always be their solid backing.
It is worth mentioning that parents also give their children a certain amount of autonomy.
For parents who are troubled by their children's use of mobile phones, they can cut into the topic from the perspective of worrying about their children's health damage, rather than affecting their learning.
It is believed that children know more or less about the damage to the body from playing mobile phones for a long time. Parents can discuss with their children about their physical discomfort when they use mobile phones for a long time, and ask their children if they have any of these situations and how to deal with them.
Parents can also express to the child the attitude of allowing him to use the mobile phone independently, and at the same time hope to formulate mutually acceptable behavioral contracts and incentive measures. It is regarded as a game of breaking through, and parents also participate in it together. For example, set at least 1 hour a day. To use other leisure methods instead of playing with mobile phones, you only need to insist on doing it for two days in the first week and then give rewards, and then gradually increase the difficulty.
Parents should strengthen their children's behavior positively, and find out more where their children are doing well, even if it is only some small progress, they should give praise and encouragement in a timely manner, so that the children can feel that their parents really trust them.
Finally, parents must be role models for their children.
Parents should transmit positive energy to their children through their own behavior. Parents have their own lives and things they like to do. They can maintain a positive state and create a family atmosphere of happiness, relaxation, mutual help, and mutual care. Children will be subtly affected.
Text / reporter Wu Wenjuan