As a "mother-fetal solo" (referring to a person who has been single since birth and has never been in love - reporter's note), Wei Xiran, who is studying at Shanxi University, has always been looking forward to love, but she is more cautious.
In the past, she thought that as long as two people liked each other, they could be together, but now she feels that "you can't just use liking as the standard for dating, but also need to consider factors such as personality, values, and future development."
As a senior, the uncertainty of the future also made Wei Xiran hesitate about marriage and love.
"For our generation, the purpose of falling in love is more to find someone who can accompany you all the time." Shi Shaohao, who is studying at King's University in London, believes that how to get along better with the person he meets is more important.
Even though they have been in love for nearly two years, Shi Shaohao believes that it is still too early to talk about marriage. marriage on marriage".
As the backbone of the youth group, college students are the core subjects of marriage and childbearing behavior in the next ten years, and their attitude towards marriage and love has therefore attracted widespread attention from the whole society.
Based on this, the survey results of China Youth Daily and China Youth School Media for college students across the country show that 57.90% of the interviewed college students hope to enter the palace of marriage at the age of 26-30, 8.55% hope to get married at the age of 21-25, 7.58% hope When married after the age of 30, 25.97% said they were above the legal age, and any age was fine.
Independent and supportive of each other, the interviewed post-00s want to face marriage with a "better self"
In the eyes of Hu Jiarui from Beijing International Studies University, the so-called ideal love is that both parties can take this relationship seriously and enter the palace of marriage logically.
But in the process of falling in love, she bluntly said that she would not easily mention marriage with the other half: "At present, everyone is still in the stage of studying, or has just entered the society, and there are still many uncertainties in the future development. If you hinder each other's development, you may want to consider separation and respect each other's life choices. Emphasizing marriage at the beginning will put a lot of pressure on the other party and make the relationship heavy. "
"Everything comes step by step, first deal with the issue of falling in love, and then consider getting married." Cao Yuqi, who studied at Tsinghua University, said, "Dating in love is when two people are comfortable with each other, and they are together. Getting married is a deeper thing and requires more consideration." In his opinion, falling in love is more about trying, while getting married is a major life event that requires careful choices, and the two cannot be confused.
If you fall in love for the purpose of marriage, you will be too hesitant to take that step, and ultimately nothing will be accomplished.
Wei Xiran believes that for herself, marriage is still the main purpose of love, and "one plus one is greater than two" in marriage is also her expectation.
"When two people are more comfortable than living alone, and the whole life is moving forward, I will choose to get married."
During college, Wei Xiran took the "Philosophy of Love" course offered by her college as an elective. The teacher's elaboration on love in the class made Wei Xiran agree, "The love of two people is our adventure to resist the world together."
From this, she concluded that a healthy view of marriage and love in her eyes is that "two relatively independent individuals can support each other, rely on each other, face difficulties together, and keep going" after combining.
The China Youth School Media survey found that true love (95.32%) and economic considerations (85.97%) were the main factors for respondents to consider whether to get married, 42.26% said they would be affected by the social environment, 39.68% would be affected by family expectations, 16.45 % choose to marry in anticipation of having offspring.
Li Ting, a professor at the Center for Population and Development Research and the Center for Family and Gender Studies at Renmin University of China, in "Has Marriage and Birth in China Deinstitutionalized?"
——Findings and Discussions Based on the Survey of Chinese College Students’ Views on Marriage and Childbirth” mentioned in the article that under the institutional framework of adhering to marriage and childbirth, Chinese college students’ attitudes towards marriage and childbirth have still undergone developmental changes. The most prominent point is that It is the value basis of marriage and fertility that has changed.
"The traditional function of marriage and childbirth as well as the significance of inheriting the lineage have been greatly diminished. On the contrary, young people have begun to emphasize the value of love, marriage and childbirth based on the individual sense: mutual assistance and progress, spiritual sustenance, emotional companionship and self-growth meaning."
"Although they are in love, two people should still be independent individuals." Hu Jiarui said when it comes to a healthy view of marriage and love.
Both sides have their own favorite things and their own goals. They work together to achieve their goals and help each other reach a higher level.
"Two people will not be overly dependent on each other, and maintain relative independence while in love with each other. This mode of getting along is conducive to the management of relationships, and both people can feel very relaxed. If one party is too dependent on the other, there is no space left for the other. Relationships can easily go wrong.”
Social thought and family concept are the main factors affecting the surveyed college students' views on marriage and childbirth
When it comes to the formation of the concept of marriage and parenting, Shi Shaohao said that education is the most important influencing factor, which includes schools, families, society and other aspects, as well as thinking through understanding the experiences of people around you and social news.
Shi Shaohao said that his parents' relationship has always been very good. As a child, he grew up in a warm family environment. "This makes me feel that getting married is not a stressful thing, and it also makes me have no expectations for marriage." .
A survey by the China Youth School Media found that social thoughts (66.77%), family values (55.16%), and the cases of classmates and friends (54.84%) were the main factors affecting the formation of the interviewed college students' views on marriage and childbirth; Ideas (44.68%), school education (34.19%), and relevant media reports (32.42%) also had an impact on the formation of the interviewed college students' concept of marriage and childbirth.
Mu Guangzong, a professor at the Population Research Institute of Peking University, wrote in the article "Analysis of the Marriage and Love Situation of Contemporary Chinese Youth" that the conditions for choosing a mate change with the times, which to a certain extent reflects the relationship between the marriage and love situation and the changes of the times. The concept of marriage and love is a reflection of the mainstream social values. .
"China has entered an era of attaching importance to freedom of marriage, personal dignity and marital quality (life satisfaction). Most young people are still willing to wait rather than make it. Contemporary young people place importance on whether they have feelings, whether they have feelings, and the quality of their future marriages. Location."
Cao Yuqi, who is a science and engineering student, has less contact with the opposite sex. In addition, he is more shy and has no love experience.
His view on marriage and love comes more from his parents' words and deeds.
When eating and walking with my parents, I often talk about marriage and love, "My mother will tell me what kind of person is more suitable to look for, such as family background, material conditions, personal character, knowledge and cultivation, etc. "Although Cao Yuqi sometimes holds a skeptical attitude, he listens carefully and accepts most of them.
"My parents have walked more roads than me, are older than me, have more knowledge and have more social experience. Listening to my parents' words and using external forces that are helpful to me can make me take less detours."
In Wei Xiran's view, the education she has received over the years is an important factor in the formation of her concept of marriage and childbirth. At the same time, she said that the family environment has also had a great impact on her concept of marriage and childbirth: "But parents don't have too many Interfering, I will mainly follow my own ideas.”
According to the survey, 79.19% of the interviewed college students said that when it comes to marriage and childbirth, they will listen to their parents' advice and follow their own ideas.
Shi Shaohao said that during his study abroad, he felt that foreigners had a more tolerant and free attitude towards love and marriage, but he believed that he should not be too influenced by other people's views on marriage and love, but should see different attitudes. You can make your own choice after the point of view. You can't "only see the opinions of one type of person, or just listen to the opinions of your parents, which is relatively narrow."
He believes that a healthy view of marriage and love should be made after careful consideration by oneself, and make rational judgments and rigorous choices based on the actual situation of oneself and the other party, rather than attaching to a certain person or a certain trend of thought.
With a longing and a long way to go, the interviewed post-00s have expectations for marriage and parenting education
Fudan University professor Liang Yongan's "Love Lesson" video has attracted widespread attention among college students, and Hu Jiarui is also one of them.
"A person can live a good life in the world without relying on others. Find the place and value of your life first. In this way, you may meet a soul mate. Down, you can also meet a very kind lover. This sentence impressed Hu Jiarui deeply and inspired her deeply, "He taught me that first of all, I must be able to be independent, so that I can live well by myself, so that your love standard will not drop, and it will be effective. Reduce low-quality relationships, and the presence of a partner is also the icing on the cake in your life."
Ma Sinan, who is about to graduate with a master's degree from Shanghai Normal University, said that "marriage" and "childbirth" will be included in his future five-year plan.
"The ideal is, of course, to continue to develop steadily with your current boyfriend, to settle in the same city, and to introduce the parents of both parties to meet after the work of both parties is stable." In Ma Sinan's view, love can be more emotional, but marriage and childbirth must be determined by Rational leadership, "I think both parties should communicate their needs and ideas with each other openly and honestly after they decide to get married." She looks forward to more popularization of knowledge about marriage and childbirth in the future, such as communication skills, related legal science, etc.
"I will encourage my partner to also learn related content, so that the two sides can avoid a lot of unnecessary conflicts in the process of getting along."
According to a survey by the China Youth School Media, 37.58% of the interviewed college students wanted to have one child, and 34.03% planned to have two children; 3.55% thought it was the most suitable child to have children soon after marriage, 14.19% thought it was the most suitable one year later, and 17.26% said they would be married 2 12.26% plan to have children after 3 years, and 52.74% say that they will follow the fate.
Regarding the significance of childbirth, 74.03% believed that children are the crystallization of love, 67.74% said that children were an indispensable part of the family, 30.16% believed that childbirth was the need for social development, and 22.90% believed that childbearing was something that should be experienced in life. 22.10 % agree that children can maintain a relationship between husband and wife.
Cao Yuqi believes that simply relying on the content taught in the school classroom is not enough to help college students form a healthy concept of marriage and childbirth.
"Love courses can only describe some macro contents, and each person encounters different problems in love and marriage, and the courses offered are less targeted." In his view, family teaching plays a decisive role.
From childhood to adulthood, children have the longest contact with family members, and they will be subtly influenced by them.
A happy family can bring children a healthy concept of marriage and parenting.
Hu Jiarui hopes that the education on marriage and childbirth can have more practical content: "Many existing courses sound a little vague. Now people are often more concerned about things such as home buying guidance, self-protection in marriage, and childbirth safety. Really hit the ground running.”
Regarding the marriage and childbirth of young people today, Wei Xiran believes that the most important thing is to strengthen positive guidance.
She believes that some romantic variety shows are too entertaining, and they do not give people in-depth thinking, and even go against the mainstream values. "After watching it, I don't want to fall in love anymore."
In addition, she also mentioned that some dating agencies commercialize marriage and love, which may also have a negative impact on young people's views on marriage and love.
"Blind date itself has been recognized by more and more young people, but it should not be too commercial and entertainment."
Watching the friends around her enter the marriage hall one after another, Ma Sinan's "ideal married life" often appears in her mind, but she said that she will not affect her rhythm because of others.
"It is precisely because of my expectation of a good marriage that I have higher requirements for myself and my partner; the expectation for the family is the driving force for us to forge ahead and improve."
(At the request of the interviewee, all interviewees in the article except Cao Yuqi and Hu Jiarui are pseudonyms)
China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily trainee reporter Luo Xi, trainee Chen Haoyuan and Fan Zijing