Sex How to reach ecstasy with expanded orgasms
Tantra sex for beginners: what is it and how to apply its teachings to achieve expanded orgasms and sexual ecstasy?
There are many techniques for achieving orgasm, but some only focus on skill and challenge.
It seems that everyone already knows a lot about sexuality, where and how to touch, but it's not true.
There are even "miraculous" toys, supposedly
allied with multiorgasmia,
but which sometimes generate more frustration than pleasure.
What's going on?
Am I wrong?
Why
can't I get it if I'm trying everything
?
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to tell you where to touch or touch you.
Nor will I reveal foolproof beats, the music that plays the most or how to create the right atmosphere.
Nor will I deal in depth with such important topics as skin, erotica, desire or arousal.
Because none of them would work without knowing what I will discover today.
We always say that sex is to enjoy but the reality is that we usually
live it with anxiety,
expectations and demands.
As if it were a race in which only the one who "runs" wins.
When we have our finalist sexual encounters, whose objective is not to enjoy the moment and its journey, but to achieve orgasm at all costs, we are putting pressure on ourselves.
Not loving.
If we force our
sexual response
, forgetting to feel, our body complains, feels pressured and we get just the opposite of what we were looking for.
It doesn't work
.
sexual burnout.
'Game over'.
See you later Mari Carmen!
Call it what you want, but your brain and your entire body, including your genitals, feel attacked and go into a state of alert.
And as you can imagine,
reaching orgasm when a Bengal tiger runs towards you is complicated.
Well, this tiger is you.
And your
hypervigilance.
This great enemy of sex is in charge of
criticizing what you do
and she reminds you that you are not going to get it.
She gives you a grade and makes you believe that you have to measure up.
What stress!
Thus, your internal dialogue in an intimate encounter resembles this script: "Today I have to get it, I never get it. I can't, I don't feel enough, it's very difficult. I'm in a weird position, will I be sexy? If I I'm halfway through, I'm dying, he'll think I'm frigid. I don't want to pretend, I'm going to have to. It seems like it's coming! I feel something, come on! It's going away for sure.
I'm not capable of it.
I already knew it wouldn't happen. Again No. I'm a scam. I'm never going to get it."
Does it ring a bell?
The great challenge is to travel from that point to the opposite.
Hug that great friend of sex, the great, incredible and wonderful, tachán!
Sensory focus
!
This offers a most pleasant script, although with
fewer words and many pleasant sensations
.
Mutes controlling voices to turn
up the sensory volume
.
Imagine that you hear this: "Yes, I can feel it, oh! I'm so happy... how it makes me. I don't like this, I'll pass! But here... yes... I want more. No rush. I notice how the heat increases, how does it come to me. And if not, it doesn't matter, this is delicious... Stop talking in your head and enjoy every sensation. Come on, okay,..... Yes, it comes, I feel it. There is only this. I let go..." Because
relaxation is necessary for arousal
and both are necessary to reach orgasm.
"But this only happens to women, right?"
Only no, although it is more common.
Therefore, August
8
is the International Day of the Female Orgasm.
This does not mean that sometimes it is also difficult for men.
In fact, one of my first cases in therapy was a young boy with anorgasmia.
15 years ago, in a man, it was really amazing.
Today it is more common to find it in consultation, as well as having
low desire or having it inhibited,
and it can happen to anyone, regardless of their gender or genitalia.
Hypervigilance
and
sensory focus affect the entire sexual response of each individual.
The latter also helps maintain erection, resolve premature ejaculation and enhance male enjoyment.
So it's not just a girl thing.
Even so, the reality is that women have a harder time, for many other reasons.
A study published in the 'Archives of Sexual Behavior' revealed some curious data on the frequency of orgasms in a couple, according to their gender and orientation.
In heterosexual relationships,
men succeeded in 95% of encounters and women in only 65%
.
In the case of homosexual couples, the percentage for them was 89% and for them, 86%.
The heterosexual orgasmic gender gap is evident.
But also the feminine intragender.
If
among women it is not so difficult to obtain orgasms
, it seems clear that it is due to social and not chromosomal factors, precisely.
But I will not stop today to explain this either.
What I do want you to get, in addition to the orgasm you want, is this message: being where you have to be, that is, in what is happening in the present moment, helps us enjoy and is the key to '
Mindfulsex'.
Oh, don't you know what it is?
Well, I'll tell you another day.
Ana Sierra
is a sexologist.
Conforms to The Trust Project criteria
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