How to Unmask Fairy Tale Baddies in Real Life Before They Destroy You

• Psychology My partner makes me feel bad

• Psychology How to detect a perverse narcissist

Since we are children we are warned by stories.

The wicked exist: the wolf, the ogre, the witch, etc.

In the comics, every superhero has his villain, the Joker, Magneto, Penguin.

But since the good guys always win and the heroes save humanity,

.

What happens in reality?

, they are great seducers and take advantage of our kindness to do their thing.

They do not receive their punishment because, often, we are excessively lenient thinking about their reasons for committing the offenses, ignoring the obvious: their

.

In recent times, perhaps due to the uncertainty of the pandemic, the war or the warning of the economic crisis, there is an increase in people who tell stories of the

, who exercise real violence in everyday life without any qualms.

VICTIM SYNDROME

At first, as Little Red Riding Hood, no one notices the

.

Emotional empathy -the one that puts us in the place of the other- is activated in the amygdala and leads to compassion quickly.

"Pobrecito has a bad time" is our allegation.

They make us feel sorry.

They know it,

;

They are so candid that you want to help them.

Soon you begin to notice some

innuendos, lies, small humiliations, insignificant touches or you get a cut with the precision of a scalpel, but with a big smile.

The second part begins, now the intention is to destabilize you.

When you insinuate that he has hurt you, the stage of

, that is, he plays the victim, a form of manipulation through which he takes offense, shows himself to be susceptible or suggests that you suffer from some type of delirium.

They can treat them badly, you can never treat them.

In the third stage

and ends up making you responsible for everything that happened.

The goal is to undermine your self-esteem.

At that moment you doubt yourself, you think "isn't it me who invented all this?"

This psychic confusion is aggravated by the denial of some friends and relatives who tell you: "It's not worth being in a bad way for that" or "He's unpresentable, forget him".

So,

;

now you decide to be cordial in the hope that it will placate him.

A wrong expectation because they perceive your kindness as weakness and this activates their cruelty.

Hate and love share brain circuits

ISR

Researchers at the University of London studying

found that they were

.

With a small peculiarity: while the romantics deactivate the cortex, the thinking part of the brain, and lose their minds for the loved one, the 'haters', the haters, hyperactivate the areas of thought, possibly to better devise the damage.

Therefore, perversity is born from a mental bias that supposes, not only that the other is wrong, but also acts against him with bad intention, to harm him because he is dishonest and petty, which justifies mistrust and validates the possible attack. .

The victim comes to consultation due to

.

They complain about their partners, partners or relatives, but they are not aware of the underground violence they are suffering, nor do they dare to "speak ill of them" because they feel scared, guilty or ashamed!

It is a

impossible desire

is installed to be consoled by the one who hurts him.

THE DARK TRIAD

A vignette on the web represents the

lying on the couch: "

, he tells a

who responds with a puzzled gesture.

They are not sick, they do not suffer from personality disorders, nor has there always been great suffering or abuse in their history.

Science has been looking for the evil gene for a long time.

We know that there are biological and psychological circumstances that favor these individuals with "zero empathy" beings, selfish, unscrupulous and ruthless.

It is best to identify them in time because, with them,

.

They are the

, a term coined in 2002 by psychologists Delroy Paulhus and Kevin Williams of the University of British Columbia.

.

The same individual can show one of these traits or have them all combined.

Narcissists.

Thanks to the story of Snow White, her stepmother and hers "Mirror, mirror who is the most beautiful in the kingdom" we know that there are people who do not hesitate to despise and corner anyone who can overshadow them.

A narcissist is

, but they do so by skinning those next to them.

.

An arrogant young doctor worked in the office of a renowned senior doctor.

When the doctor fell ill, she did not hesitate to try to keep the business.

When she returned recovered, the wicked used all the means at her disposal to discredit her, including false accusations.

"My only crime is not having died," says the relieved doctor.

psychopaths

Ursula, from the Little Mermaid, is an example of those who want to turn other people into objects of their property.

For this they do not hesitate to look for your vulnerable point: your deepest desires.

They have no compassion, because to have it would be to consider another as a human being.

.

They are skilled at reading your mind (cognitive empathy it's called) to do more refined damage.

A man asked a squatter to enter the empty apartment owned by his ex-wife, knowing that she was trying to sell it.

He also gave her the instruction to play dead if she came in so he could "attack her like it was an accident."

Machiavellian.

Little Red Riding Hood's wolf is the Machiavellian who deceives and lies while "he gilds the pill for you."

Beneath their harmless and benevolent demeanor,

Just because hate wears a smile doesn't mean it's any less harmful, it's "cold anger," according to psychologist K. Scherer.

Camouflaged as "granny" they have big teeth to eat you better.

An employee with this trait is late, harasses his co-worker as she doesn't hesitate to point out his "so-called faults" with him, and is charming to his superiors.

The victim is silent for fear of losing his job.

striking

.

Each one of us can occasionally use an evil process, in moments of anger or injury, but immediately we change register.

What makes them harmful is the frequency and repetition of their destructive behaviors over time that can directly affect the identity of the victim.

THE SOCIETY

It seems that

.

We don't have good sensors for bad integrated across the board.

On a day-to-day basis, under the idea of ​​respecting freedom, we may not perceive situations, even serious ones, that are happening.

Moreover, they seem to have a superpower, that of manipulating in a natural way, which seems like a good asset in a world such as politics or business.

The victim can be easily forgotten.

for them , they simply wouldn't use it, but we only get outraged when they appear in the media presented and amplified.

"There can be only one good in evil:

" said Seneca.

dropdown

What to do if you are a victim

Identify the evil process

Accumulate evidence

defend yourself

set clear limits

Learn to say "no"

Put aside the "goodness" and be self-affirming

Ask for support from a security circle

If you can establish "zero contact"

Ask for professional help, it is almost always necessary

ISABEL SERRANO-ROSA

is a psychologist and director of EnPositivo Sí.

Conforms to The Trust Project criteria

Know more

• joker